Monday, June 29, 2009

Predictable Happy Endings?

Winnie: hey found me
barbie: yep
barbie: so....good weekend?
Winnie: sooo tired though
barbie: me too...but last night it wasn’t for glamorous little boy wet the bed at 5 am. sigh......PAR-TY!
Winnie: oh come?
Winnie: did he sneak a can of Red Bull?
barbie: who knows....just was one of those random things....
barbie: if he is anything like his mom, if he would have a can of Red Bull, he wouldn’t sleep for the next 3 days.
Winnie: check your stock lol
Winnie: what did you do the rest of the weekend?
barbie: well, had a great night with you and Prince Charming and the gang at the hut on Thursday night. Then Friday night...hmmm...oh yes, prince charming came over and hung out to chat with my rents and then we went back to the hut for a drink and to see Phatboy sing (good, as always), Saturday night I went to see The Hangover....(HOLY HILARIOUS...vaguely reminds me of some of the good times we had back in the day...just on a grander scale) yesterday I brought the kids to the dinosaur land thingie....
barbie: last night my friend Calmwaters came over with the Prince and we all had chats with the rents again. When did it start to become fun to hang with your parents again? lol
Winnie: after 35!!!!
Winnie: lol
barbie: sadly, I actually enjoy sitting and chatting with my parents more than a lot of they always have the bar stocked with expensive European
barbie: and they make great eats!
Winnie: bless them
barbie: God bless them for cooking for me....really, from the bottom of my heart. Just a bonus that they have expensive taste in
Winnie: wish I had time to sit for a great meal...can’t seem to find it lately.
Winnie: although...I had a picnic yesterday
Winnie: the greatest of greatest of meals
barbie: how was YOUR tell?
Winnie: Had that BIG party to work at on Friday night….hardly recuperated from that when I had to work Saturday night too. But I had a great day yesterday...visited the islands and had ice cream...finished the day off with a movie too
Winnie: saw The Proposal...predictable ending...but gut splitting funny moments too
barbie: ahhh...good...I was hoping you didn’t cave and go see Transformers...
Winnie: no, i picked this time lol
barbie: I was explaining to Prince Charming that that’s the difference between a 20 year old girl and a 30 something year old woman. The girl will go to the man flick, pretend to like it then harbour resentment and make you pay later. The woman just says nah....go with your buddies, bring me to see the Hangover or the Proposal....and will remain happy.
Winnie: yeppers...not more complicated than that
Winnie: I sooooooo needed a couple hours of not thinking...and a chick flick will do that to you every time lol
barbie: mindless it.
barbie: The Hangover has the same type of effect...just enjoyable for both sexes..
Winnie: it would be better if the happy couple never got married though...wouldn't it be a refreshing ending if they decided just to "date" and keep their own places?????
barbie: AMEN!!!!!!!
Winnie: who says you can’t be Happily Ever After?
barbie: and they remained happy forever, never nagging each other, getting mad for toothpaste on the counter and stupid stuff and did whatever they wanted.....
Winnie: AMEN!!!!!!!
barbie: I can hear the violins now.......ahhhh....

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Just for the Ladies!

Stay Tuned!

Good day Fans!!!
Sorry about the lack of chats this week...both Barbie and I have been very busy (with real life) and have not managed to find the common time to blog. Now that Barbie is home for vacation, we will do our best to get some entertaining chatter for you. Just be patient for another week or so and things will return back to normal. Please keep checking in!

Hugs and Kisses to all of you!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

PMS Queen!

This is a gift from my ex. It will look good on my Caddy!!! Guess he did know me after all.


Guess what? Both Winnie and Barbie are in the middle of divorce HELL!!! Got any tips or anecdotes to help us get through it sanely (also avoiding bankruptcy and homeless shelters?)
Post them in the comment section and we will make it part of our blog!!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Divorce, Contracts and Smelly Fish

Winnie:… from the guys point of view, I would love to hear what they have to say..
Winnie: was found in a bathroom in the states
Barbie: LOL!!
Barbie: I am of the thinking that marriage should be a 5-7 year renewable contract. After that amount of time, you look at your partner and say "I'm in for another round" or "it's been a slice, but I'm good"
Winnie: I think most people, men and women would agree...
Winnie: and for those who believe that marriage is for life, well it's a choice they can continue to make...everyone wins
Barbie: Yes! Let's start a petition!! I can't see anyone disagreeing with this one...
Barbie: EXCEPT....if you are the one who married up....then you would be worried every time the contract came up and right now you have them trapped for life, lol
Winnie: shit...never thought of that....
Winnie: but then it's a good reason to keep your partner happy
Winnie: not to piss them off
Barbie: as if the "luckier" one in the relationship WANTS to work harder...
Barbie: I see people who have let themselves go and been bitchy to their partners around the world going "UH-OH" if our plan came into fruition...
Winnie: exactly.....
Winnie: the thing is that there is always someone who loses in divorce, no matter what. This way it would just be less headaches and cheaper
Barbie: ya!
Barbie: and nobody would feel like a failure because the expectation wouldn't be to stick with someone who is treating you badly...
Winnie: there you go, by golly my dear....I think we've got something here!! lol
Barbie: We should run for office....I think we could be elected on this issue alone!!
Winnie: ya but then we would have to mingle with a whole bunch of stiffs...
Winnie: not sure if I could handle that
Barbie: If you want to get into public relations then you better get used to schmoozing with stiffs girl, that's like 90% of the job
Winnie: being in politics means your have to keep up an image....PR'ing means you can "be outside the box" and have no one to answer too...and that just for me!
Barbie: yeah....I don't want to be in politics. I don't want to try to please everybody and fall flat.....I had enough of that while I was married, lol!
Winnie: no matter what you do or what you say...some asshole is going to turn it around on you....LOL
Barbie: maybe we could just petition our local mp's?
Winnie: for?
Barbie: our 5 year renewable marriage contract never listen...are you sure you're not a guy?
Winnie: oh sorry, was distracted again....
Winnie: lol
Barbie: ah, the ol' A.D.D. acting up again...
Barbie: stop flirt texting boys and pay attention!!
Winnie: too early for texting....
Winnie: I think it must be a Friday distractions
Winnie: seems to be a pattern with me...maybe its all the anticipations or the weekend
Barbie: my weekend ahead looks SNORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barbie: you have any big plans?
Winnie: mine too actually, no plans
Barbie: what the?
Winnie: plans
Winnie: so I’m wide open.....
Winnie: for suggestions that
Barbie: I'm just not even gonna touch that one...

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Big hair and Bad kids

Winnie: My kids are the worst procrastinators.....
Winnie: wonder where they get that from?
Barbie: bet you'll tell me.....tomorrow....
Barbie: lol
Winnie: ya...something like that
Barbie: what did they do?
Winnie: so #1....he writes his last final today....last day of high school and has not yet filled out and had his volunteer papers signed!
Winnie: #2...his graduation is next Monday...he still has not got his suit
Barbie: uh-oh....and you NEVER would have done that when YOU were in high school, huh?
Winnie: not THAT last minute, lol
Winnie: he's driving me nuts
Barbie: you mean his prom suit or graduation ceremony suit?
Winnie: both... its the same day
Barbie: ok, maybe that's a little
Winnie: AND..since he WAITED too long to rent a tux...
Winnie: ...he's decided to buy a suit...and has asked his grandmother to help pay for it
Barbie: but he is a guy....they don't care about things like suits
Barbie: technically, he doesn't have to wear anything under his grad gown...nobody will know...
Winnie: wouldn't put it past him
Winnie: he would definitely be the one to streak the crowd........
Winnie: and now....he has to pick it up...and has not picked up the money from granny
Barbie: so is he asking YOU for the $$?
Winnie: BINGO
Barbie: hmm....this would be one of those "teachable moments"....if you don't plan ahead and don't have money, then you can't buy things...
Winnie: yeppers.....
Barbie: what are you going to do?
Winnie: NOT give him the money
Barbie: wow! kudos!
Winnie: he should have figured that out yesterday BEFORE he spent the afternoon at the beach!!!!!!
Barbie: LOL!!
Winnie: ok...great parenting moment here....I was feeling kind of bad about not giving in....
Winnie: but now that I see it in writing.....It's all good
Barbie: all the books say you are supposed to do exactly as you are doing. It isn't life threatening and it won't damage him permanently so....
Winnie: I know, he has to learn!
Barbie: so...what ARE the girls wearing for prom these days?
Winnie: jewellery...and nothing much else
Winnie: big hair
Barbie: really? big hair is back??
Winnie: it matches their big.......oh forget it
Barbie: can't be worse than OUR prom dresses...the 80s must have been the absolute worst years for dresses.....humiliating tributes to "Gone with the Wind".....bows gallore.....waaay too much hair...I shudder just thinking about it.
Winnie: let's face it dear....the 80's were humiliating period!!!!!!!!!!!
Barbie: well, secretly, I liked my big hair (not that I would do it again...)
Winnie: thank God!
Barbie: Some people still haven't let it go and may come back into fashion if it returns...
Winnie: well I won’t be waiting for it
Barbie: what? you didn't like your poodle-do?
Winnie: LOL....not
Winnie: I think I permanently fried my brain with all those perms
Winnie: THAT's what's wrong with me......
Barbie: if that's true...then I also must have sporadic brain challenges....
Barbie: rrrrrrr.........tic, tic, tic, tic......ooompaloompa

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Metrosexuals Gone Wild!!!

Winnie: wow..He’s!
Barbie: I believe it may be time to start an "anti collar popping mission!"
Winnie: so sad that it has come to that
Barbie: people just abusing the collar popping left and right...
Barbie: Collar popping: just say no!
Winnie: we have to try and save the next generation
Barbie: I have to say that I don't quite get the multiple shirts on top of each other thing.....
Barbie: when did that start?
Winnie: I don’t know...but I don’t like it
Winnie: I'm wondering what I like best...the collars...or the pants below the butts?
Barbie: I have to say....the over tanning.....and the tattoos where they try to appear deep but really everyone has the same
Barbie: but have you seen the new trend where men are having their eyebrows waxed? THAT IS THE LIMIT FOR ME.......CREEPY!!!!!!
Barbie: I mean, I like a guy who takes care of himself and everything but this is turning into metrosexuals gone wild!
Winnie: it's a phase....that's what our parents were told when we spiked our hair, pierced our upper ears...ripped our jeans bellow the cheeks...wore neon and black lipstick
Winnie: oh wait.....
Winnie: they still do that....except wear neon...
Winnie: we're in trouble I think
Barbie: lol!!
Barbie: I know....I should talk....we wore some VERY crazy styles....and some of the guys we dated (ahem, Twohandsfull) even wore make up!!!! So I guess this is nothing new...
Barbie: It's just now there is the "attitude" with the douchebag/metrosexual man...."Hey baby, check out my popped collar, faux hawk and fake want some of this?"
Barbie: and there is a difference between a 16 year old doing it (totally forgivable) and a 38 year old doing it!!
Winnie: if the douchettes keep giving it to them.....they'll never learn lol
Barbie: well, the douchettes don't know any better....
Winnie: why are we on this subject again????
Barbie: hmm....not sure....
Winnie: Are there not any others we can make fun of?
Barbie: oooooo......have you not been out lately? lol
Winnie: I have...kinda
Winnie: and it scares me....douches....everywhere!!
Barbie: this is what I'm saying....they are taking over....!
Barbie: maybe we should just shoot up with botox, fake tan, get implants and join them...
Barbie: me
Barbie: We are now at the age where we either decide to start embracing the signs of aging or we fight....I'm still on the fence but I'm thinking embracing is the only way to go or you end up looking like Joan Rivers!!
Winnie: ya well we'll talk about this in a few years lol
Winnie: just don’t use her doctor lol
Barbie: what? have you ever seen anyone who got a full facelift who doesn't look like the joker??
Barbie: I've been tempted by the "freezers and fillers" I've seen some nice results with that...but my fear is that they have not studied the long term side effects and woops! 15 years from now your face will implode or something...
Winnie: it's true and then they can’t move their mouths " uat i dint eett a ace ift"
Barbie: yes, have you seen Gene Simmons?? Mary Tyler Moore? And sadly, Mickey Rourke?
Winnie: like I sad
Winnie: but they look good eh????
Winnie: an sooooooooo much younger lol
Winnie: even though we know they've been around for 60 years lol
Barbie: younger....if by younger you mean deformed and vaguely cat-like...
Winnie: lol
Barbie: So here is the question to our peeps out there fix or not to fix....that is the question...

Monday, June 15, 2009

Post Traumatic Kissing

Winnie: I wake up this morning like i haven't slept in 3 days (ok maybe its cuz i barely did), i get into a fight with my son...then fight with my ex...Because of my son...and thennnnn, lock myself out of my car!!!! Grrrrrrrreat Monday so far!
Winnie: How are you?
Barbie: well, considerably better than you apparently...
Winnie: that's good
Barbie: I had a pretty good's starting to finally feel and look like summer around here!
Winnie: Ya i know, got to relax at the cottage yesterday...I finally have my first official tan lines of the summer...yeaaaaaaaaa
Barbie: ah....I remember that "cottage".....Prince Charming and I had one of our first kisses there!
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how sweet.....(urrrrrkkkkk!!!!!)
Barbie: it wasn't that smooth, we banged teeth, lol....ahh the smooth moves of 15 year olds...
Winnie: no wonder it took you this long to give him another chance...if it was me, he may have not gotten one LOL
Barbie: oh, no it wasn't HIS ineptitude, was mine or mutual
Winnie: well i hope you have at least corrected the problem????
Barbie: definitely NOT to worry....
Winnie: ....hmmmmmmmmmm I do remember ANOTHER kissing disaster episode....remember tall guy on the motorcycle???? The one who almost swallowed your face while we the girls watched from the tent???
Barbie: Yes.....I think I still have post traumatic stress disorder episodes from that!! EEEWWWW!!
Winnie: so do
Winnie: his brother was a good kisser.... ;)
Barbie: I believe I was PUSHED to try to date that guy by YOU and some others....ahem...
Winnie: ahhhhhhhh...yes you were more easily influenced back
Barbie: this is why you have NO influence on me whatsoever have led me astray in the past...ha, ha
Winnie: ya whatever....
Barbie: well, let's just say that the kiss with PC was waaaaayyyy better than with motorcycle guy....banging teeth and all...
Winnie: enough about you....since I need a good boost today, I am dedicating this next song to all my fans out there
Barbie: least you're
Barbie: I am going with this song this week....not just for it's catchiness but for it's sheer lyrical genius (with a nod to Twohandsfull)....
Barbie: Best line: " I go ooo-oooo you go, la, la? la, la, la, la" deep and eloquent
Winnie: nice....DEEEEEEPPPPPP
Barbie: about as deep as I get early on a Monday morning...
Winnie: you need to get out more
Barbie: yes.....tell me something I don't know.
Barbie: I have big travel plans as soon as I win the lottery...
Winnie: oh really............
Barbie: yep....
Barbie: I'm due for my huge lottery win any day now (this week even) if the "secret" is
Winnie: oh really...........
Barbie: is that all you say now?
Winnie: no........
Barbie: that's refreshing...
Winnie: I’m just waiting to hear your big plans. Nothing is exciting me more right now
Winnie: cant' you tell?
Barbie: you need to get out more...

Friday, June 12, 2009

How to spot a douche bag.....

Barbie:'s discussion is going to be on the definition of a douche bag....

Barbie: I have had people ask...."Barbie, what is a douche bag?"
Barbie: so here it is....
Barbie: 1- Common, domestic douche bag found in most bars and frat parties...
Winnie: Hey! I know him!
Winnie: lol
Barbie: ...don't we

Barbie: 2- "Barbie? Can women be douche bags?" The answer is surprisingly YES!! Here is an example of the Douchette....
Barbie: Sometimes they are wanna be strippers or porn stars but always they are trying waaaayyy toooo haard!!
Winnie: ouchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Winnie: glad I don’t know anyone like
Barbie: believe it or not, this woman USED to be she looks like a transvestite!
Winnie: but she still looks at herself in the mirror everyday and says: "Damn I look good!"
Barbie: Well, in all honesty, there IS a market for douche bags and douchettes out there but it isn't MY target

Barbie: and finally, the most contemporary look in douche bags (very popular in the over 35 crowd) The Euro Douche...
Barbie: you can always recognize the Euro douche by the dress shirt unbuttoned waaaay too low, over tanning and aviator glasses... sometimes they also sport too much bling and almost always have a blackberry, blue tooth or iphone in their hands or to their ears..
Barbie: The "faux-hawk" is also a popular look with them...
Winnie: I like the faux-hawk
Winnie: I do
Winnie: under 35 though
Barbie: it can work if you are a rock star of sorts but if you work in an office....not so much, lol
Winnie: doesn’t go with a
Winnie: but with flip flops?????
Barbie: everything goes with flip flops...

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Divorce Rocks!!!!

Winnie: waiting long?
Barbie: nah…not really...
Winnie: you were supposed to say " all my life"
Barbie: maybe you can get guys to say that to you....but not me...
Winnie: tough crowd
Barbie: so what's new and exciting?
Winnie: same crap as always… and exes...all driving me nuts
Winnie: I need a good night out so I can drink and forget it all…
Winnie: and maybe make a fool of myself lol
Barbie: ha, ha...yes, I could use a fun girls out night myself.
Barbie: Same issue on my end...exes.....ah....can't wait for the drama to end...
Winnie: didn’t you just have a girl’s night out?
Barbie: did I? I guess I need another
Winnie: notice how the drama is coming from the guys???????
Barbie: Also, I think my "divorce manual" got lost in the mail so I am just winging it...
Barbie: yes....interesting......I am looking forward to a drama free life.....or at least ME being able to CHOOSE the drama
Winnie: I'm soooooooooooooooo not dramatic
Winnie: hahahahaha
Barbie: nooooooooooooooooooooo not you!!!!
Winnie: I only like my own drama...everyone else's I can do without
Barbie: well, I just cannot wait to have everything finalized and done....
Winnie: hold on's a coming
Barbie: yep.....I can glimpse it from time to time and it keeps me going. Already I'm much happier.....let's name some things about being divorced that rock....
Barbie: -Sleeping in the middle of the bed!!
Barbie: -Not having to do another adult's laundry!!
Barbie: -Making what you like for supper!
Barbie: -Going to bed when you feel like it!
Winnie: not having anyone to tell you you're Marie Antoinette!
Barbie: ?????, k…
Barbie: -Not having anyone expect you to read their minds!!
Barbie: -Watching chick flicks!
Barbie: -enjoying hanky panky again!
Winnie: I did that anyways....screw them
Winnie: (...I meant the chick flicks)
Barbie: -Not having to "run plans by" anyone.
Winnie: I didn't do that anyways
Barbie: are you sure you were married?
Barbie: -sounds like you had some freedom in your marriage anyway....
Winnie: that's cuz I wasn't technically married, just living together for many years…
Barbie: After my fiasco, the thought of marriage again is terrifying....
Winnie: hey...maybe that's why he calls me Marie Antoinette???? My independence?
Barbie: Did you make him eat cake? lol
Winnie: no I ate it all
Winnie: NO CAKE FOR YOU!!!!!!
Barbie: lol, good girl!
Barbie: Mine would have said "I wanted chocolate cake, not vanilla cake, what's wrong with you" and I would have said "you didn't tell me you wanted chocolate cake" and he would have said "you should have known!! Just for that, I'm not talking to you for the next three days"!
Winnie: I would have thrown the cake in his face .... lol
Barbie: I wish you could date my ex now.....just for the sheer enjoyment of watching you put him in his place..
Barbie: now THAT would be drama!!
Winnie: you bettcha...
Winnie: so..what should Winnie do this weekend? (other than work)
Barbie: hmmm.....summer stuff? Maybe bbq, go out on a patio somewhere for drinks? Maybe Sangria?
Winnie: sounds I need a partner!
Barbie: well, I'm coming down in a couple of weeks so if you can hang on...
Winnie: Don't worry...I have plenty to go around! lol
Winnie: Like you were worried???
Barbie: LOL! um. no.
Barbie: I know you have enough to go around...
Barbie: and then some.
Winnie: ;)
Winnie: you betcha!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Dating Big Cars!

Barbie: what's that? you don't know what it is like to be from my hometown? Well let me show you....
Winnie: soooo funny
Barbie: isn't it true though?
Winnie: "ohhhhhhhhh yea...Tonight is de night! "
Winnie: I think I dated him once?
Winnie: I had to let him go..the singing was too much
Barbie: I think we have ALL dated of version of
Winnie: Thank god we're over that lol
Barbie: oh....they are still out there.....saw plenty of them at "the hut" when I was there last
Winnie: I try not to look
Barbie: The version of him that I dated in high school also used to drink like, 27 cans of Pepsi a day.....
Winnie: now it's 27 bottles of Bud!
Barbie: Ya....if you think sober guy is bad, you should see him
Winnie: yewwwwwwwwwwww...and then he gets all "touchy feely"
Barbie: "oooo baby....tonight is de night.....did you see my car?"
Barbie: "I make sooo much de cash.....want for me to buy you somethin'?"
Winnie: LOL...maybe you could buy a life first!!!!
Barbie: PS- (and I know this will be shocking to a lot of men out there) BMWs are not impressive cars. It says...."I am a drug dealer" or "I am under 35 and really, really want to impress girls"
Winnie: so you're saying you can’t own a nice care under 35?
Winnie: or does that just pertain to guys?
Barbie: oh can own a nice car...but the BMW has a particular type of owner, I find.
Winnie: to a degree i suppose
Winnie: so what is acceptable then if you're financially secure, single and under 35?
Barbie: pretty much anything else......except a Hummer.....they have certain problems
Winnie: do you need an army all terrain tank in the city???
Barbie: this is exactly what I'm sayin'
Winnie: I'm a "CSI wanna be"
Barbie: ...and clearly they do not care about the environment so therefore they probably hate kids...
Winnie: do you really think guys are that "deep"?? lol
Barbie: no...THEY don't realize what they are saying with their's subconscious
Winnie: guys with little……..want big cars?
Barbie: you know....I think there might be something to that theory...
Winnie: maybe we should research? lol
Barbie: I know YOU want to take that research on and I'll just take your word for it...k?
Winnie: i'll let you know how it turns out
Barbie: Alrighty then...
Winnie: ok...serious question
Winnie: how many dates does it take for you to say that you are "dating" someone?
Barbie: I would say 4 dates.
Barbie: what were you thinking?
Winnie: don’t know, that's why I asked
Winnie: but then again, don’t both parties have to agree on the terms?
Winnie: so it could be more than that!
Winnie: or less LOL
Barbie: No. I think if you have gone on and continue to go on dates then you are "dating". Whether it is a relationship, well...THEN both parties both need to be on the same page...
Winnie: hmmmmmmmmmmm interesting
Winnie: do you realize, that I don’t think I've ever "dated" before
Barbie: well, "dating" wasn't an option when we were younger....either you were in a relationship or you weren't. Our generation didn't do "dating".
Winnie: too bad, its fun lol
Barbie: it's a good option for people who want to see what's out there and do not want to commit to one person at the moment.
Winnie: it's still tricky...oh well!
Winnie: ok...second question
Barbie: shoot
Winnie: how many guys can you "date" at the same time?
Winnie:…not that I am lol
Barbie: well, I think a couple to a few....otherwise you might be entering "ho" you have to be upfront with everyone. They should ALL know that you are dating several people if that is the case...
Winnie: yes of course....I think I may be to old for this lol
Barbie: ya.....can't say I'm much of a "dater". I pretty much know within a date or two if it someone I want to get involved with.
Barbie: I guess I am what they call a "serial monogamist"
Barbie: what do you call yourself?
Winnie: when i figure it out, I'll let you know

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Vintage Birth Control?

Winnie: bella!
Winnie: I'm as good as new!!!!
Barbie: good stuff! Good to hear!
Winnie: doc says I'll
Barbie: well, that's always good. The alternative is a real bummer. lol
Winnie: but someone needs to add B12 to poutine...I'm lacking
Barbie: ah....aren't we all....I take a b-complex now.
Winnie: i hate getting old
Barbie: I don't use the word "old".....I prefer "retro chic"
Barbie: or...."vintage"
Winnie: not me...
Winnie: vintage is old... no matter how you say it
Barbie: ya but it's old and sophisticated and in
Winnie: sure, if you say so
Barbie: I want to age gracefully....not be one of those 60 year olds in a leather miniskirt and rocker t-shirts...
Winnie: the ladies back home?
Barbie: EXACTLY!!! lol
Winnie: you better stay in the big city then
Winnie: i snuck in my mom's closet and threw out her leather minis...was a close call
Barbie: every time I go back home I see a very unusual amount of hairspray and leather mini's on women over 50.....bad scene, lol
Barbie: you are a good daughter for saving her...
Barbie: God Bless you!!
Winnie: ya i know...she'll thank me sooner or later
Winnie: but you have to promise me that you'll save ME if need be...after a few years back I may need your help
Barbie: Yes, I am prepared to do an intervention if necessary......"step away from the tanning bed..."
Winnie: nooooooooooooooo not the bed
Winnie: "I Winnie...promise to use the tanning bed in moderation"
Barbie: well, if you keep fakin' bakin' it, you'll look old waaaay before I do sista....
Winnie: lol
Barbie: Remember our high school gym teacher? She had "old leather shoe face" from tanning beds.....wasn't pretty...
Winnie: ya...lots of stuff about her wasn't pretty...
Winnie: but the hockey boys didn’t think so
Barbie: ahh...the good ol' days before the law stepped in when a teacher was dating students (if dating is what you want to call it)
Barbie: I just remember her giving us our "sex ed" talk....she walked in and said these exact words "if a guy tells you that cum is good for your complexion, it's only because he wants a blow job".......we were in grade nine and you could hear a pin drop after that....
Barbie: she also brought in her own birth control examples because she found the example ones too dated...LOL!!
Winnie: i still hear those words in my head...I swear people don’t believe me when I tell them that story
Winnie: and I still see her Diaphragm and half used tube of KY
Barbie: I will swear for you...I was there!!! Shocking!!!!
Barbie: slightly different than the sex ed speech I had just received the year before in Catholic school, given by a priest. "Don't do it or you're going to hell"....
Winnie: no wonder I’m so confused lol
Barbie: He also told the boys that it was a bad, bad sin to masturbate....and you could see the guilt on all their
Winnie: ohhhhhh they cried all the way home lol
Barbie: ...and then did it
Barbie: maybe that's why Catholic girls are such bad asses....they figure early on.."well, at this point I'm going to hell might as well have some fun before I get there..."
Winnie: guess they never taught reverse psychology back then
Barbie: I wouldn't change anything about my schooling but some of the things they told us were absolutely nuts!
Barbie: I remember my grade six teacher telling us that Michael Jackson and Abba were devil music and it was proven that if you played it backwards you could hear Satan himself saying stuff.....
Barbie: ahhh...your taxpayer dollars hard at work...
Barbie: So of course we ALL ruined our record players by trying to see if it was
Winnie: and kept that penny in our pockets
Barbie: what penny?
Winnie: the penny that sat on the needle
Barbie: oh
Winnie: wake up!
Barbie: I don't get why some people are trying to make "vinyl" cool again....records sucked...they got all scratched up and the quality was terrible...
Winnie: vintage my dear!!!!! lol
Winnie: see what I mean?
Barbie: exactly...vintage......older, but cool and still in demand....just like us....

Monday, June 8, 2009

Pornos and Milk Cartons

Winnie: hello
Barbie: Hi!
Barbie: KNOW this is gonna be bad...
Winnie: i used to not mind them...but now that I know in 6 weeks I'm leaving...I HATE THEM!
Winnie: lol
Barbie: ah....
Winnie: the nice thing about leaving is that Mondays won't be Mondays anymore, they'll be like Saturdays!
Barbie: lol....yes, I guess that is a perk...
Barbie: did you have a good weekend at least?
Winnie: very nice...i like my new job
Winnie: better than the one i have now, anyway lol
Barbie: excellent....
Barbie: I also had a great weekend....too short of course, but great anyway...
Winnie: but a new job is like a new's always hot in the beginning
Barbie: true that sista!
Winnie: but when you know there is a better one around the's not so much fun anymore
Barbie: are you talking about lovers or jobs now?
Winnie: lol both, im comparing
Winnie: new job=new boyfriend
Barbie: gotcha...
Barbie: you would be proud of me this weekend...
Winnie: why is that??
Barbie: I ate cold pasta right out of the container and drank wine right out of the bottle while watching mindless television...
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhhhh I knew you could do it
Barbie: lol, see? I can get crazy...
Winnie: there's my song for the week lol, dedicated to YOU!
Barbie: lol....
Barbie: next thing you know I'll throw my towels on the floor and drink milk right out the the carton...
Winnie: NOW NOW...dont push it
Barbie: afraid I will steal your thunder? lol
Winnie: yes....I'll have to start going to the library and baking or something
Barbie: baking? I hate baking and cooking....have we met yet?
Winnie: who cooked the cold pasta then?
Barbie: well me, but I didn't necessarily like cooking is something I do out of necessity, not because I love it, like some people.
Winnie: oh you sex?
Winnie: for some lol
Barbie: what? like when you are married? having sex out of necessity? lol
Winnie: yes
Barbie: ya....there's nothing like feeling like you HAVE to do something to make you not like
Winnie: that's why I like eating out....
Winnie: lol
Barbie: always a lot of variety to choose from?
Winnie: and the deserts are always good...
Barbie: ok, porn head...
Winnie: what???
Barbie: lol
Barbie: by the way....when did pornos become porn?
Barbie: I remember when we were teenagers and people used to watch "pornos" now they watch "porn"...
Barbie: wonder why everyone switched...
Barbie: lol
Winnie: after pornographic films became pornos
Barbie: I remember a music group called "Porno for Pyros"...I wonder if they changed their names to "Porn for Pyros"
Winnie: did you watch pornos are a teenager???
Barbie: Nope. The only one I ever saw was at our mutual friend's house. Her father had a large collection and we watched "Debbie Does Dallas" at a slumber party...remember?
Winnie: "Debbie does Dallas", everyone in our generation was broken in by that one
Winnie: then came..."Porky's"
Winnie: the "American Pie" of our time
Winnie: ahhhhhhhhh the good old days
Barbie: Oh ya....."Two hands full" and I stole the key for her pay tv box and snuck down in the middle of the night to watch Porky'
Winnie: soooooooo bad lol
Winnie: I think I managed to rent it out of the video that on Beta or VHS????
Barbie: ahh....good ol'
Winnie: and the remote with the wire
Winnie: how techno!
Barbie: with one button ......"pause"...
Winnie: LOL
Winnie: but then it took 35 seconds of film for it to stop
Winnie: and 45 to start again...
Winnie: so you had to "rewind" it...and always missed your mark
Barbie: ya....ah...the good ol' days...
Winnie: want to go back???
Barbie: there are times when I wouldn't mind a couple of weeks back in high school, just for kicks.
Winnie: ya me too...I'd get a few kicks too...
Winnie: lol
Winnie: but boys didn't know what they were doing then...
Barbie: very true!!
Winnie: I like the grown up version better :)
Barbie: True that sista!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Trampy Teas?

Winnie: morning!
Barbie: good morning
Winnie: I suppose it is yes
Winnie: so did you read the "trash Winnie" comments
Barbie: ya....what's up with that? I think they are just joking, how could they not love you??
Winnie: i dont feelings are hurt
Winnie: i am a nice gal...and not THAT trashy am I????
Barbie: of course you are nice....otherwise I would not be your friend all these years and trashy, well......trashy with a heart of's that?
Barbie: lol
Winnie: frig off
Barbie: ok, maybe not trashy.....FUN with a heart of gold...
Barbie: you are not white trash.
Winnie: I have been well behaved considering all my admirers …lol
Barbie: and being from our hometown I KNOW what trash looks
Barbie: you are not it.
Winnie: I feel much better now..thanks
Winnie: you really cleared that up for those out there that don’t know me
Barbie: I think people out there know that we are both not as extreme as we come across on the blog
Winnie: It wouldn't be fun if I wasn't a virtual slut and you a virtual square!
Barbie: exactly......yin and yang is so much more exciting than two people who agree on everything....
Barbie: but I do tend to be a bit on the reserved side and you tend to be a bit on the wild side so we balance each other out...
Winnie: see....
Barbie: ahem.........
Barbie: yes, slut is maybe a strong word....
Barbie: a little racy maybe
Winnie: what?
Barbie: I meant no, you are not a slut, but you are definitely a little racy...
Winnie: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Winnie: well now i feel MUCH better lol
Barbie: the ol' A.D.D. acting up again? lol
Winnie: lack of caffeine
Barbie: gotcha!
Winnie: no darn cream for my coffee today. I had to use milk...what the &*% is with that
Winnie: who buys groceries around here?
Barbie: well, you know how I am.....I put skim milk in my tea and don't even drink coffee...
Winnie: milk in tea...yes. Milk in coffee....what is the point?
Barbie: hmm....don't know. Never really been a coffee drinker. I am the queen of tea....I must have 20 varieties in my cupboard....
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh you are such a wild one
Barbie: see? I can get
Winnie: but i bet you keep going back to the same ones????
Barbie: nope. I like variety....I switch it up daily....who knew huh?
Winnie: wow, I'm impressed
Winnie: variety...the spice of
Winnie: how appropriate!!!!
Barbie: oh yes....I agree
Winnie: See we are the same...just our outlets are different
Winnie: ;)
Barbie: not necessarily....
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the truth comes out!!!!!!!!
Winnie: hear that folks????
Winnie: so I admit....i like tea!
Barbie: leave it to you to think I was talking about
Winnie: i was talking about tea
Barbie: yes, you NEVER have your mind in the gutter....
Winnie: i have no idea what you are talking about
Barbie: that's ok, I have no idea what I am talking about either...
Winnie: so the story goes.....

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Dimitri the stud and other menaces to single women

Barbie: listen to this...
Winnie: so far this is crazzzzzyy llol
Barbie: wait 'til you get to the second message....
Winnie: just started
Winnie: nothing wrong with him?????? yeaaaaaaaaaah
Winnie: lol.. abused as a child.....cancer?
Barbie: I am speechless.....can you imagine??????
Winnie: LMAO....holy frig lol
Winnie: Passive aggressive disorder lol
Winnie: i'm laughing so hard im going to throw up my lunch
Barbie: I personally like the line "believe it or not, I'm a great catch".....I choose NOT to believe
Barbie: I don't know if I should laugh or cry and be disturbed....
Winnie: ...well if there is nothing wrong with you me
Winnie: oh funny
Barbie: I think this guy MAY have been at the club I was at last weekend...LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Winnie: i have heartburn now from laughing so hard…
Barbie: all I can say is anytime I ever meet a guy called Dimitri I will run
Barbie: my question is, what kind of brain damaged woman would call him back??
Barbie: At least he "outed" himself as a psycho over the phone and she didn't have to meet him in person to find out...
Winnie: this makes me wonder about being single again
Barbie: let me tell ya.......I think they should hunt this guy down.....I bet HE'S on medication....or at least he should be...
Barbie: this makes me think of a movie I once saw....a hilarious scene in it....
Barbie: did you watch the scene?
Winnie: lol
Winnie: duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Barbie: LOL!!!!
Winnie: HELP.....
Barbie: It's like watching torture!!
Winnie: no kidding
Winnie: and here i though Maxine the old cartoon lady had it right
Winnie: lol
Winnie: and by the way...I'm not good at delayed gratification either (mentioning earlier post)
Barbie: lol...ya, I noticed....

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Ex strippers and useless panties !

Barbie: lol, just laughing at your profile pic and comment...
Winnie: funny eh?
Barbie: ya
Winnie: that's me..disturbed and funny
Barbie: well, definitely disturbed
Winnie: you can't take it already agreed I was funny
Barbie: yes, you are definitely funny.
Barbie: ....looking
Winnie: ahhh don't start!
Barbie: so, what are you listening this week?
Winnie: and I'm listening to the same stuff i was listening to last week
Barbie: so, what you are saying is that you listen to ONE song for two weeks straight?
Winnie: No...but the same CD
Barbie: so pick a different song then...
Winnie:'s this one...Bad Girlfriend... Theory of a Deadman
Winnie: See? I was nice, i sent you the R rated instead of X rated version
Barbie: ya, I've heard this one....funny
Winnie: don't want to make you blush
Barbie: tsss...
Barbie: is this song about you?
Winnie: ahhhhhhhh could be
Barbie: ...oookaaaayyy......on a lighter note, I have been listening to this one again....forgot about it for awhile but it's back on my playlist again....John Mayer's cover of Free Fallin'
Winnie: nice...i like him
Barbie: ya, he is cute as a button.
Winnie: ya...I'd let him feel me up
Barbie: who wouldn't you let feel you up....
Winnie: true
Winnie: At least I don't hide that I'm easy!!!!!!!!
Barbie: no you certainly do NOT
Barbie: lol
Winnie: lol, you only live once
Barbie: alrighty
Winnie: So i have a "bra and panty" shopping date tonight
Barbie: what the hell?
Barbie: you are letting someone pick out your underwear?
Winnie: you mean you've never had one of those?
Barbie: I just think that you may end up with a whole lot of crotchless
Winnie: I dont use the ones I have now
Winnie: useless
Barbie: that was just something I didn't need to are the only woman I know who actually ASPIRES to be a cheap cougar....sigh....what am I gonna do with you?
Barbie: You bring out my maternal side....I always feel like grounding you....or shipping you to boarding school.
Winnie: So...I had planned on shopping tonight and "date" said he would join me.
Winnie: and I didnt even tell him what I was shopping for....boy won't he be surprised?
Barbie: (fingers in ears) too much, la, la....
Winnie: it's the truth...I swear
Barbie: don't forget that I am also friends with "date" and there are some things I don't need to
Winnie: What? You don't wear underwear?
Barbie: That is just something I would rather not broadcast to the entire world....I am a woman of mystery (it's my thing, lol)
Winnie: but it's ok to make me sound like the trampy one....nicccccccccccccce
Barbie: ....sound like? lol
Barbie: The only person I have EVER seen offend you is that guy at the hut that tried to bite your boob!
Winnie: Let's just say this....I'm just keeping my options open
Winnie: oh the chick who tried to pick me up on saturday night, she offended me, kind of... lol
Barbie: oh did seem a bit surprised by that
Winnie: Flattered...but surprised! lol
Barbie: was that the first time a woman has tried to pick you up?
Winnie: That strongly? Oh yeah!...I don't think I would have been as uncomfortable if all my "guy" friends and HER HUSBAND were not standing around watching it happen!
Barbie: Prince Charming said she used to be a stripper...
Winnie: no shit
Barbie: what? you are surpised by that? lol
Winnie: well her body was a investment for sure !
Barbie: lol
Winnie: Guess I should be flattered
Barbie: why is that?
Winnie: ...then maybe not, you didn’t see the trash that was there
Barbie: lol
Winnie: oh well...chalk it up to another night at the Hut!
Barbie: Always exciting!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Flip Flops and Wanna' be Lesbians

Winnie says: ring ring!
Barbie says: hello?
Winnie says: ring ring
Barbie says: I said hello!
Winnie says: oh...sorry
Winnie says: my mind was pre-occupied
Barbie says: no...not you, my add girl.
Barbie says: what was your mind preoccupied about or dare I ask?
Winnie says: what?
Barbie says: GEEZ, are you sure you can function enough to have a discussion today?
Winnie says: long weekend
Winnie says: add girl?
Barbie says: Attention Deficit Disorder.
Winnie says: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Barbie says: so, how was your weekend?
Winnie says: and that's A.D.D. girl to you!
Winnie says: very eventful...
Winnie says: and your's?
Barbie says: also very eventful....giggle.
Winnie says: I tried out a new job and a new guy!
Barbie says: and?
Winnie says: i think i may like it
Barbie says: which one, the job or the guy?
Winnie says: time will tell ;)
Barbie says: So, as I said I was going to, I went to an adult club on Saturday night with some girlfriends...
Winnie says: who cares
Winnie says: we were talking about me
Barbie says: well, don't let me stop you Narcista!
Barbie says: what else did you want to share about the new job/guy?
Winnie says: date night was verrrrrrrrry nice...
Winnie says: the pasta was great too
Winnie says: ok...all I’m going to say for now...
Winnie says: it's your turn, go ahead!
Barbie says: the experience of going to an adult club in yuppyville was nauseating...
Barbie says: If you are not EXACTLY sure what a cougar is, that is the place to go to solidify your definition....
Winnie says: can you be a cougar under 40?
Barbie says: ...those cougars were predators....
Barbie says: and the men were worse!!
Winnie says: i would have thought the opposite
Barbie says: They should have all had status bars over their heads reading "I will literally do ANYTHING to go home with you tonight"....
Winnie says: horny women are more dangerous than horny learn to hide and control it most of their lives
Winnie says: i think it must have been in the stars...cuz it was crazy like that at the Hut Saturday night too
Barbie says: was it "everyone is desperate for sex night" everywhere in Ontario Saturday night or what?
Winnie says: everyone seemed to be walking douchebags!!! lol
Barbie says: yes, I have also noticed a rise in douchebag culture these days, lol
Barbie says: and can I just say this?
Winnie says: go ahead, you will anyways
Barbie says: I like to dance as much as the next person...and I don't think I'm terrible at it...but I have to say, the dance floor should be closed to people over 35 except for slow dancing....
Barbie says: I have NEVER witnessed so many bad dancers in my life....the "robot" was alive and well on Saturday
Winnie says: how else are you supposed to get noticed?
Barbie says: apparently by kissing other women full on the mouth...
Barbie says: I find the whole "fake lesbian" trend sooooo tiresome.
Barbie says: are men REALLY that gullible?
Winnie says: ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I hear ya...guess they were all out too on saturday! lol
Winnie says: and yes they are
Barbie says: What's that you say? Feel that you are a bit mousy and insecure? Find that you are not getting noticed in bars? Try Fake every time at getting a man's attention....
Barbie says: SAD!!!
Winnie says: but then it also depends on what kind of guy you're hoping to attract
Winnie says: then again....guess it really doesn’t matter lol
Winnie says: they mostly all fall for it
Barbie says: I can just imagine the guys "you know.....I had a really great gal on my arm and was having a good time, but then...these two gross, desperate chicks started making out at another table, so I ditched my classy woman and made a bee line for the can imagine my surprise the next morning when I realized that she was a very clingy psycho"
Winnie says: who wasn’t a lesbian after all....
Barbie says: Newsflash!!!! If a woman is REALLY a lesbian, she is into cropped hair, manish, rosy o'donnell types....not just chicks at
Barbie says: k, that's my rant for today...
Winnie says: are you sure?
Barbie says: we'll see, lol
Winnie says: I’m quiet today...
Barbie says: do I dare ask why?
Winnie says: CUZ I'M TIRED!!!! Did I not tell you that earlier, how come you're not listening to me?
Barbie says: well, I didn't equate tired with quiet....I happen to babble relentlessly when I am tired....have you not noticed?
Winnie says: ya...i did
Barbie says: I have one more who wear too much jewellery...
Barbie says: I have never been into the whole "huge diamond" on both ears thing for guys (along with a big, thick chain)
Winnie says: what is acceptable then?
Barbie says: in terms of jewellery?
Winnie says: lol....sure....
Winnie says: if that's what you want to talk about
Winnie says: duhhhhhhhhh
Barbie says: I have to say I don't like much jewellery at all on a man.
Barbie says: not big on earrings (especially over 30)
Winnie says: i agree
Barbie says: not much for big necklaces of any kind really....
Barbie says: maybe a ring (as long as it isn't a wedding band), lol
Winnie says: hmmm, depends , I don’t mind a bracelet or a ring either
Winnie says: wedding or not!
Winnie says: lol...kidding!
Barbie says: ya, for some reason I also don't mind a bracelet...
Barbie says: and on an unrelated topic, I like a man in flip flops....why is that?
Winnie says: I like it too......
Winnie says: strange
Barbie says: weird....
Winnie says: lol
Barbie says: can't explain it...I find it sexy....
Winnie says: but if he has really ugly toes.....not so much
Barbie says: maybe there is something a bit hippy-ish about it?
Barbie says: I don't know.
Winnie says: i like the R&R look
Barbie says: I also like a suit
Winnie says: laid back and enjoy much as I like a guy in a suit
Winnie says: they both have their place
Barbie says: I agree.
Barbie says: but I know we both don't like the new "trying too hard douchebag" look...
Winnie says: so let's agree that neither of us like the ...I was in an 80's music video look!
Barbie says: collar up, shirt unbuttoned (too many) usually a big ugly necklace
Barbie says: ya, I agree.
Winnie says: ok...stop...I just had lunch
Barbie says: oh, you know what other man trend I never liked?
Barbie says: the chain on the wallet....what was with that???
Winnie says: LOL
Winnie says: or Velcro ones
Barbie says: It says "I am so stupid that I am not capable of keeping track of my money" what girls says "ooooo....I'm all over that!"
Barbie says: ya, velcro equals bill gates sex
Winnie says: well......bill gates I’m sure has someone else carry his velcro
Barbie says: true dat!