Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Man Rules

Finally, the guys' side of the story.( I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear " the rules"From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials...
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


Thursday, September 24, 2009

Cougar Wagon!

Winnie: hey there
Barbie: hello
Winnie: did you have a trip to the garage?
Barbie: no...but I am asking around. I am in the market for winter tires (since my all season ones are starting to wear and are not good for especially the winter any more)
Barbie: This is one of those rare moments when I feel like it would be nice to have a man in the house.
Barbie: the others are mowing the lawn and shovelling snow...sigh....otherwise I'm pretty good...lol
Winnie: I'm sure you could have a few offers lol
Barbie: Don't think Prince Charming would like that too much...lol
Winnie: then tell him to make sure he's there to shovel
Winnie: ;)
Barbie: He already mowed my lawn and whipper snipped for me once when he came down and that was much appreciated.
Winnie: ahhhhhhhhhhhh what a good guy he is...love ya PC!
Barbie: yep...and the part I like the best about it was that he didn't make a HUGE deal out of it. He did it just to be nice and didn't make me feel like I "owed" him anything.
Barbie: that makes me love him even more.
Winnie: Banking....is what he's doing lol
Barbie: don't scare me. The ex used to mentally bank EVERY single thing he did whether it was for the house or the kids or me and then he would make me feel like I was unappreciative if I didn't fall on my knees and kiss his feet every time he mowed the lawn.
Barbie: What I want....what EVERY person wants is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Not "I'll love you if you do this and this or you say this and this or always agree with me or act this certain way and if you don't....then I will be mean to you"
Winnie: oh I'm kidding...
Winnie: I think PC would be too scared to even bring that up lol
Barbie: Poor guy....bless him for dealing with my baggage...but somehow I don't think he minds that much, lol
Winnie: I don't either
Barbie: luckily he is divorced too otherwise he would think I have lost it...lol
Winnie: Oh Im sure he still thinks you've lost it...he's just having fun helping you "find" it now....lol
Barbie: lol...or that...ha, ha.
Barbie: luckily he has known me since I was nine so I have also had a few "less than demure" moments since then that he has witnessed and yet he is still around...ha, ha
Winnie: that's cuz now you can't hold anything HE does against him
Barbie: hmmm....is THAT his slant? Too bad for him I still call him on his stuff...lol
Winnie: Who knows...and they say women are complicated
Barbie: Doodlebug has suggested I get the gold spinney rims on my van to pimp it out...lol
Barbie: Then I can get the hydraulics too and be the scariest lady in my neighbourhood.
Winnie: oh oh...dont forget the blue lights under the bumper!!!!!
Barbie: I was thinking purple myself.
Barbie: ...and I think I'll get "cougar wagon" airbrushed on the side...what do you think?
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

Monday, September 21, 2009

That's some Male Bonding!!!

Barbie: Hey there....long time no see. lol
Winnie: Oh I missed you soooooooo....lol
Barbie: So I see you made it home from my house alive then?
Winnie: well, had to stop and do some shopping first
Barbie: was it successful retail therapy?
Winnie: the guys did more shopping than i did
Winnie: i think i may have met my match
Barbie: DaddyOhh is a shopper...huh?
Winnie: He and Skater boy had some fun. I felt a bit left out...pretty sad actually
Barbie: lol...male bonding. That's good, I guess. ha
Winnie: Between the sports stores, skate shops, women watching and burger feasts...i couldn't compete lOL
Barbie: I could have given them a run for their money on the burger feast, but the other stuff they would be pretty much on their own...
Winnie: i had a great weekend, thank you again for you hospitality
Barbie: HOLY COW I was soooo tired yesterday (thanks to you, daddyOhh and my friend Pebbles.
Winnie: on our way home yesterday we even got to salute the Canadian soldier that was coming home on the Highway of Heroes
Barbie: oh, how sad.
Winnie: It was....makes you stop and think
Barbie: Was that the young man who "doubted the mission" in the first place?
Winnie: bless our soldiers and their families for sure
Barbie: I can't imagine how hard life is for a soldier's family.
Barbie: As a single mom, I sometimes get a break when the kids are with their Father. Army families do not get a break when their soldiers are gone. That is tough.
Barbie: Would be nice if there weren't any wars. I think it was Robin Williams who said "If women ran the world, there would be no more wars....just INTENSE negotiations once a month."
Winnie: speaking of women and war....we had fun watching UFC saturday night...I cant believe i watched and encouraged that....
Barbie: no kidding. I am the LAST person you would think would have fun watching UFC.
Barbie: But to be honest, it was Pebbles running commentary that made it so good.
Winnie: she is fun...lol Poor Daddyohh, he was feeling the pain of those guys who were sitting next to us. It must have taken those boys so much restrain not to tell us to F*%# OFF while we were commenting on the fights
Barbie: especially the comments we were making, lol
Barbie: They probably all escaped all their wives and girlfriends for a little male bonding time and ended up sitting next to us.
Barbie: Only to get exactly the same thing they would get at home, ha, ha
Winnie: no pity :)
Barbie: that's true. We had every right to drink beer and eat nachos right along side of them.
Barbie: girl power!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Older women rock!

Hey all!
Today I came across this list on the internet. Some young gentleman out there decided to write a top ten list on why younger women suck. I thought it was quite amusing and added my two cents to it:

1. They never live alone- Barbie: This is true! Young women never live alone. They are too scared. Older women, on the other hand ADORE having time and space to themselves!
2. They act like they “might” go somewhere. Barbie: The young man here was pointing out that young women are vague so as to seem mysterious. “I might show up at the bar, concert, event, etc.” This leaves the man running in circles. Older women don’t tend to play as many games. You will be more likely to hear “Be at my house at 8” or “nope, I’m staying in for a bubble bath tonight”.

3. They blame shit on their friends. Barbie: Well, there is just a lot of friends’ drama at this age, period. Older women tend not to have as much time or need for the drama.

4. They look down on all guys for hitting on them Barbie: I’d say you are pretty safe in assuming that most older women do not look down on men for hitting on them. Having said that, be prepared to be toyed with if you don’t have your game down to a science.

5. They think every man is trying to sleep with them. Barbie: Older women KNOW every man is trying to sleep with them. lol

6. They don’t pay for shit. Barbie: Well….it depends on the circumstance. I think younger men are just very upset about this one because they tend to be broke.

7. They aren’t particularly good in bed. Barbie: Don’t blame young girls too much for this one. All they know about sex is what their teen boyfriends have told them about from porn. Silly girls! (PS- Young men on the other hand don’t tend to know what they are doing either)

8. They can’t handle their liquor Barbie: no comment, lol

9. They have no direction in life Barbie: This is true. As opposed to their very driven couch potato, video game playing male counterparts….ah…burn.

10. They have no story Barbie: True. They have not had time to have an interesting life but trust me when I say that older women definitely have a story! They also have purpose in life (besides trying to impress boys).

And in defence of my young female friends (hey, we were all there at one point, although I don’t recommend dating one unless you have a serious need for drama)…Young men: “ you also still have much, much to learn grasshopper”

Monday, September 14, 2009

I Want to Be Rich and Famous?

Winnie: So...another week chalked up to crap!
Barbie: Yes...it was a very tough week for both of us. But I figure we will hit rock bottom and there is no way to go from there but up!
Winnie: That's what I keep telling myself
Barbie: I have also decided that since I skipped my whole rebellious phase in highschool, I am gonna have a do over now..lol
Winnie: watch out now...
Winnie: but delayed gratifications is sweet
Barbie: watch out about what?
Winnie: to whomever you are going to rebel against...
Winnie: dont want to give anyone heads up so lets leave it at that
Barbie: just a general rebellion (when I don't have my kids of course, I will remain MS. Responsibility with them)
Winnie: well that is good to know lol
Winnie: this crap of yours of "the universe is conspiring for my greatest good" is not working so much...its more like "the universe is conspiring for my trip to the loonie bin"
Barbie: right now....but trust me when I say that EVERYTHING bad in my life, no matter how much HELL it was while I was going through it, has somehow made me a better person and has given me opportunities.
Barbie: It is just so hard to remember when you are up to your eyeballs in the worst time of your life.
Winnie: ya ya...i know. It just never seams to end though. We'll get through it, dont have a choice, I dont have anywhere else to go LOL
Barbie: There are good things amongst the shitty items...
Barbie: and no matter WHO you are, your life will have its challenges. I think that is the whole point of life. NOBODY has a completely problem free life. We must just be EXCEPTIONAL students at the moment cuz life is giving us a lot of credit with how much we can handle...lol
Winnie: One day we'll be rich and famous and it will be worth it... but then we may be too old to enjoy it LOL
Barbie: I don't care about the famous part, I just want to have enough money to be comfortable and not have to worry about bills and have enough money left over for fun things and a little spoiling.
Barbie: It WILL happen.
Winnie: whatever :)
Barbie: what? you think I don't mean it when I say I don't want to be famous?
Winnie: I want to be famous...so everyone who gave me a hard time will eat my dust
Winnie: just a dream....
Barbie: LOL...You remind me of Kathy Griffin...I saw a clip of her saying that her whole life she used to lay in bed at night, thinking about all the people who snubbed her saying "you'll be sorry when I'm famous, you'll be sorry when I'm famous" lol
Winnie: see.....im not crazy
Winnie: not yet anyways
Barbie: I don't know that someday we will look back on this time and laugh...we will most likely say "wow, that was a tough time, but we made it and look at how much better off we are now!"
Winnie: ya but Ive been saying that for 19 years
Winnie: do i have to wait till im 60 to see the light? I sure hope not, I may not still look this good!
Barbie: I hope not.
Barbie: but hope is all we got baby...
Winnie: and each other xoxoxox
Barbie: THANK GOD for friends!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Ladies in d'a House

Winnie: I miss you already!
Barbie: aw...me too!!!
Barbie: It was such a great weekend!
Barbie: I can't tell you how hard it was to get up this morning...lol!
Winnie: well it would have been harder for me if I hadn't got to bed at 9:30 last night lol
Barbie: me too. It was off to bed early for me last night. Possibly even earlier tonight!
Winnie: hope you have a quiet week at least
Barbie: this week will be jam packed actually. I believe doodlebug and I will be sending our book to the printers and I will be meeting with my friend Beachy to hang tomorrow night.
Winnie: wow...sounds exciting...good luck with all of that
Barbie: It's good for me to have a project like this to work on when I get back from the Hole. Also good to have friends here in my town otherwise I would just be having a pity party and missing my homeys.
Winnie: well its never the same without you here
Barbie: aw....good to know...lol, it feels like you guys have so much fun there without me. I always feel like I'm missing out!
Winnie: naaaa...its never that fun when I have no backup
Barbie: Give it time. Once you settle back into the city, you'll be invited to all the pig roasts and parties. Seems like there is always SOMETHING happening in the Hole.
Winnie: SOMETHING is for sure ...LOL
Barbie: It was fun to hang with Keeya again too. We make a fightin' trio!
Winnie: well she was sure on fire this weekend, workin' it good too
Barbie: yep! had heads turning all over the place, she did
Winnie: I think she gave most men a neck cramp from looking down, is what it was LOL
Barbie: LOL....she certainly does have some assets to flaunt.
Barbie: Well, cheers to you my friend and cheers to the people of the Hole who continue to welcome me with open arms and make every minute I spend there enjoyable!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup...

Winnie: Bonjour
Barbie: bonjour
Barbie: how are you today?
Winnie: unemployed :)
Winnie: feels good baby! lol
Barbie: lol
Winnie: how's your day?
Barbie: so far, so good. No complaints.....yet, lol
Winnie: I haven't ranted..yet!
Barbie: go for it!!
Winnie: so...would you like a fly with your butter?
Winnie: free drinks included
Barbie: lol
Barbie: so...you want to say what happened?
Winnie: as not to offend anyone....let’s just say to all service staff out there... if you serve your customers insects, make sure they are on the menu...
Barbie: Can I just rant on your behalf then?
Winnie: you will anyways… lol
Barbie: Everyone makes mistakes at their job. We are ALL human and I can't imagine working for someone who actually expects that you are never allowed to make a mistake. RIDICULOUS!!!
Winnie: what world are you living in????
Barbie: I am saying that IF you live in the HOLE and you have been frequenting a certain restaurant/bar, mid-town. With a patio and wood oven pizza......I would consider not going there anymore. The owner does not treat his employees with compassion and I cannot eat there ever again knowing that.
Winnie: my sweet....you expect too much of people. The world is not as nice as we are
Barbie: I am living in the real world. Every job that I have ever had, if I made a mistake, my boss would gently pull me aside and tell me what I did wrong and how not to do it again.
Barbie: If you got let go every single time you made a mistake the world would be a perpetual merry go round of job seeking!!!!
Winnie: or worse....flies would be on the menu ;)
Barbie: Well, CLEARLY you wanted to put the fly in the food on purpose because you KNOW people tip well when that happens!!!
Barbie: I know you even brought it from home!!
Barbie: lol!
Barbie: hey....weren't you also serving on the patio?? Gee, no insects out there!
Winnie: apparently not
Barbie: Next thing you know, they will be firing staff for WIND getting on people's food on the patio, or a drop of rain getting in someone's drink!!
Winnie: well you know it could be a health hazard!
Winnie: acid rain mixed with europen beer...could make you start speaking with an accent or someting
Barbie: LOL!