Thursday, October 29, 2009

Fear or Beer?

Winnie: good morning
Barbie: good morning sunshine!
Winnie: that's me!!!!!
Winnie: the sunshine of every one's life!!!
Barbie: lol
Barbie: well, nobody can say you lack self confidence!
Winnie: im sure we could some people who would disagree with me though
Barbie: doubtful
Winnie: self confidence is my Super Power!
Barbie: So how are things in the Hole? Still mass hysteria?
Winnie: I have a sick son
Barbie: which one?
Winnie: actually both
Barbie: so now they can't get the shot anyway, so you can put off that decision...
Winnie: college boy has a cold, saw him last night and feeling run down
Winnie: skater boy has a terrible headache, body ache and heavy fever of cough just yet, crossing my fingers
Barbie: yuck. the flu sucks.
Winnie: it sure does, now add FEAR into the symptoms and its even worse
Barbie: yes. of course. Fear taxes the immune system.
Winnie: something like that
Barbie: so he is at home today then?
Winnie: yup, let him sleep before he ends up with a fever
Barbie: sleep is soooo good!!
Winnie: nothing else i can do for him now
Barbie: nope. just tlc, lots of fluids and rest
Winnie: How is the center today?
Barbie: like yesterday....less and less people are coming and the ones who are here are in a mad panic.
Winnie: start handing out Valium with the hand sanitizers
Barbie: lol
Barbie: If I was a doctor I would be prescribing a shot of whiskey and a mental health day for everyone!! (including me, lol)
Winnie: hey that sounds like a good plan to me....although everyday is a mental health day for me lol
Barbie: lol!
Winnie: and I prefer Brandy
Barbie: I'm just thinking the alcohol is the important component.
Barbie: But I do think this...whatever your choices and always helps to have calm around them.
Winnie: i agree...there is nothing more that we can do
Barbie: again with the "give in to the river of life....paddling upstream gets you nowhere" many times are we (you and I) going to be presented with this lesson before we finally get it??
Winnie: until we drown?
Barbie: well, if you let yourself go with the flow you eventually bob to the top and you won't drown.
Barbie: But MAN is that a tough one!!!!
Winnie: OK...enough talk about that....
Winnie: do you have your costume for the weekend?
Barbie: yep. I am wearing my German outfit so I am going as a beer wench, lol
Winnie: glad you will be yourself lol
Barbie: you are pretty brave when you are out of reach.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Flu or Fly?

Winnie: hi friend!
Barbie: Hi girl!
Winnie: is it sunny today?
Barbie: nope...but I am in a slightly more sunny frame of mind
Winnie: good
Winnie: funny what NeoCitrin can do
Barbie: least I got a good night's sleep
Winnie: well you needed it
Barbie: yes
Winnie: shit i just over creamed my coffee...hmmm guess its cafe au half and half for me today lol
Barbie: lol, Starbucks eat your heart out
Winnie: guess ill have to get my fix with something else
Barbie: so. everyone around here is all a twitter about the flu vaccine...
Winnie: i dont get it...flu is the flu....
Winnie: i would not put that stuff in my system on purpose
Barbie: yep. media and pharmaceutical companies like to scare people
Barbie: I have worked with germy kids for years and years and have only gotten the true flu once and never gotten a flu shot.
Winnie: me we shouldnt say that out loud
Barbie: why? it isn't against the Want to prevent the flu? Wash your hands consistently, get lots of rest and keep your stress under control.
Winnie: i mean we shouldn't jinx it
Barbie: well, I'm not interested in getting the flu, especially, but i take it as a sign that your body needs a rest plus it builds up your immunity, being exposed to viruses.
Winnie: and this public service announcement has been brought to you by.....
Barbie: well, if it was a public service announcement it would be saying "get vaccinated"
Winnie: yes it would, i agree
Barbie: I get why the govt. wants people to get vaccinated. Because if everyone got the flu at the same time, it would bring society to its knees but it would be nice if they did more on other preventative measures too.
Winnie: make work it
Barbie: yesterday I watched Oprah and they were visiting different places in the world. I want to move to Denmark. I think I was born in the wrong place. It seems like I would fit right in
Winnie: lol....and you complain now about a long distance relationship??
Barbie: lol....just kidding. But their society is freaking awesome!
Winnie: how's that?
Barbie: is a free society but most people make generally around the same amount of money, so you don't focus your career on money but rather on your interests.
Barbie: All health care and all that is free
Winnie: so far so good...where do i sign up?
Barbie: plus they are minimalists....they are not into big houses, big consumers.
Barbie: They get tons of holidays and everyone quits work at 4 to go and eat with their families.Winnie: what about big....???? oh forget it
Barbie: lol
Barbie: but not to worry, I love Canada. I'm not leaving.
Winnie: well you ARE living in the Center of the Universe, why would you want to leave? :)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Regards from the Over 30 Crowd!

Winnie: good morning sunshine!
Barbie: mornin!
Winnie: how are you on this nice crisp day?
Barbie: besides chilly? lol, well, ok. It is always hard to go back to the ol' grind after a nice weekend of friends, family and good grub.
Winnie: im starting to be happy that i dont have a 9 to 5 job...where would I find the time...
Winnie: i think Im still full from last weekend and SICK of baking and cooking. My son in college is happy, he went home with more food then I have left in my fridge
Barbie: You sure did Martha Stewart proud this last weekend. I of course did some elite eating myself..
Winnie: It was a nice weekend, was great to spend some time with you and the kids
Barbie: Thanks for hanging with us! I know the playgrounds were amazingly exciting for
Winnie: it was the most exciting part ;)
Barbie: that doesn't say much for your weekend
Winnie: no it doesn't LOL..but next weekend...look out!!! mama is on a road trip!!!
Barbie: lol....just to let you know....I REFUSE to go to that adult club. NEVER AGAIN....felt like I was on "Keys to the VIP"
Winnie: fine, but you better take me out somewhere PG 13 for me this
Winnie: Its bad enough i will be stuck in a hotel with a bunch of 15 yr olds
Barbie: well, where do you want to go?
Winnie: somewhere that i dont feel like a chaperon
Barbie: that is hard to do!! lol
Barbie: all the places except pubs the kids are so young..
Winnie: help me out here
Winnie: then pub it is I guess
Barbie: I like the crowd at the hut. Mixed ages. More people to talk to.
Winnie: that's cuz you know everyone, not too difficult to be social my to mix it up a bit!!
Barbie: I know...but it is HARD meeting new pals in a new city. Everyone I know (except Pebbles and Doodlebug) are married and stay with their families on the weekends!!
Barbie: I need you to move
Barbie: then we will have enough to form a posse.
Barbie: a girl needs a posse you know!
Winnie: Sure, sounds good...I'll get working on that
Winnie: You'll have to share your bedroom with me though
Barbie: I know that it isn't only the women finding the clubs young....our old friend lambchop mentioned the same thing this weekend.
Barbie: maybe it is time to post this:
Barbie: THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!! If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... barefoot...BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how we rolled, dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... forever!And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,The Over 30 Crowd
Winnie: Geeeeee thanks for making me feel old. Just what i needed today!!
Barbie: I don't like to call myself old. I prefer "retro chic"

Friday, October 9, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

We Just want to take the opportunity to wish all our Family, Friends and Followers a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving. May you all be as blessed as we are.
More Than A Day

As Thanksgiving Day rolls around,It brings up some facts, quite profound.We may think that we're poor,Feel like bums, insecure,But in truth, our riches astound.
We have friends and family we love;We have guidance from heaven above.We have so much more than they sell in a store,We're wealthy, when push comes to shove.
So add up your blessings, I say;Make Thanksgiving last more than a day.Enjoy what you've got;Realize it's a lot,And you'll make all your cares go away.

By Karl Fuchs

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

How to win the Best Husband Mug!

Barbie: so..."Two Hands Full" has requested that we make a "How to be a Good Husband List" because clearly the "How to be a Good Boyfriend List" was written by a 15 year old girl who has watched "Say Anything" too many times.
Winnie: and she's asking 2 divorced gals to do that?
Barbie: Well, I never said it would be pretty, lol
Winnie: i don't even know where to start
Barbie: Good point, otherwise you will never get to husband status anyway...
#2- Ask her how her day was (this is an important one) and look interested in her answer. Here is a bonus tip: ask a clarifying question to let her know you were actually listening.
Winnie: Hope the men out there are writing this
#3- Never stop kissing your wife. You can NEVER underestimate how important it is to give your wife kisses, hugs and kind words EVEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT IN BED OR WANTING SEX.
Winnie: Do they ever NOT want sex?
#4- Share the household chores. Your most important duty would be the one that she HATES the most...(even if it's the only one you me, it helps)
Barbie: I don't think guys have ANY idea how important this one is. There is NOTHING women hate more than feeling like they are a maid. BIG TURNOFF!!
#5- Don't think that children are her responsibility. You donated to the bank that made these children, they are exactly as much YOUR responsibility as they are hers. AND ps- women get turned on by men who love and care for their children.
#6- Love her friends...take the initiative to invite them over for casual dinners, game night and oh......"girls nights" (just don't forget to get and prepare everything they will need BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE)
#7- Take care of her when she's sick and don't make her feel guilty for you having to get up with the kids, get them off to school and making sure dinner will be served (a somewhat healthy one please) Women loved to be nurtured and cared for. But do it out of the goodness of your own heart and don't make her feel like she owes you.
#8- Never stop playing. Be silly, tell jokes, laugh, wrestle. These things remind us of why we fell in love with the person in the first place.
#9- Treat her as well as you would treat any friend. There is a minimum level of respect that married couples should give each other. You would never criticize your friends in a harsh way. Give them the silent treatment, be mean. Think of it this way: If it wouldn't fly with your buddies, then your wife AIN'T gonna love it either!
Winnie: and one final one....
#10 - Love her family....even if you don't like them. They are a part of HER...when you talk bad about them, you are talking bad about her. Even if she bad mouths them, she will not tolerate anyone else doing so. Especially YOU!
Barbie: Hmmm....those are all good ones
Winnie: Guess we should have made this list years
Winnie: oh and BONUS #1......WE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!!
Barbie: LOL, I KNOW I am not always right, but it IS a bonus when you tell me nicely that I'm not right.
Winnie: don't ruin for me, please!
Barbie: Ok, you are always right your own mind. lol
Winnie: Maybe WE should get married! LOL
Barbie: listen sista, even if someone met every. single. criteria on this list....I would STILL think twice about getting married. I LOVE having the whole bed to myself. giggle.
Winnie: we have guest bedrooms for that!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Best Boyfriend Award goes to.....

To all the Boyfriends or wanna-be boyfriends out there, here's how to win us over. Read and study well....

1-When she pulls away, pull her back
2-When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful
3-When you see her start crying, just hold her and don't say a word
4-When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind
5-When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh
6-When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold
7-When she says "want me to call you back?", don’t let her hang up
8-Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.
9-When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let her go
10-Stay up with her when she's sick.
11-Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid :)
12-Let her wear your clothes
13-Don't ditch her
14-Tell her how you feel when she asks
15-Remind her every day how much she matters to you
16-Text her right when she wakes up
17-Call her every day, she'll never get annoyed by it
18-Surprise her
19-Kiss her in the pouring rain
20-When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is;” Whose ass am I kicking baby?"
Come on ladies, we'd love to hear your stories!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Lovers of The World

Barbie: Alright. Helmut Head wants us to bring up this recent survey:

Winnie: ya i read it....and like the others, I'm wondering WHO slept with all these men?
Barbie: You didn't read it then! It said it surveyed women from each country on their likes and dislikes about their men and accumulated the findings. So for instance a lot of Russian women found Russian Men too
Winnie: yes the first part of the survey was about their traits...but the second part was about who had the BEST lovers
Winnie: how do you compare unless you've slept with more than ONE man from each country Winnie: Honest...I've only slept with Canadian men...and trust me....there has been some good as well as some not so good. I don't get it
Barbie: Unless some countries have a "how to please a woman 101" class that they take in high school I'm thinking there are good and bad everywhere.
Winnie: that's the point!!!!!!!
Winnie: I would bet on it that not all Spanish men are good in bed....and some may be hairier than the other
Barbie: for sure....
Barbie: but I bet there are a lot of Spanish men going...come on, give us a try...ha, ha
Winnie: so....the survey says......"Someone wasted their time making this stupid survey"
Barbie: does it say "brought to you by the Spanish tourism agency" at the bottom? lol
Winnie: Wait...I'll go check!!!! LOL
Barbie: ok, new topic...
Winnie: so, want to go to Madrid for a visit??????????
Barbie: lol!!!
Barbie: last night I watched my pvr'd episode of GLEE. Have you been watching that show??Winnie: i caught a bit of it he other night, it reminded me of The Office...not so funny most of the time
Winnie: I'm not such a fan of slapstick comedy
Barbie: no way....I totally disagree...I think it is great and I have to say that this week's episode was AMAZING. Kristin Chenowith's version of ALONE was sooo freaking good it almost brought me to tears...
Barbie: Whoever chooses the songs they sing must have access to the ipod list of my brain....clearly a child of the 80s
Winnie: ok, the singing is good...
Barbie: or how about this one: Don't Stop Believing....
Barbie: Plus the guy who plays the teacher is pretty cute...
Winnie: see....just made my browser freeze...what does that tell you????
Barbie: so good it will blow your mind and electronics?
Winnie: hunny.......will take LOTS MORE than that to blow MY mind!!!!!! ;)
Barbie: are you sure about that? lol
Winnie: absolutely!!!!