Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Vintage Birth Control?

Winnie: bella!
Winnie: I'm as good as new!!!!
Barbie: good stuff! Good to hear!
Winnie: doc says I'll live....lol
Barbie: well, that's always good. The alternative is a real bummer. lol
Winnie: but someone needs to add B12 to poutine...I'm lacking
Barbie: ah....aren't we all....I take a b-complex now.
Winnie: i hate getting old
Barbie: I don't use the word "old".....I prefer "retro chic"
Barbie: or...."vintage"
Winnie: not me...
Winnie: vintage is old... no matter how you say it
Barbie: ya but it's old and sophisticated and in demand....lol
Winnie: sure, if you say so
Barbie: I want to age gracefully....not be one of those 60 year olds in a leather miniskirt and rocker t-shirts...
Winnie: oh...like the ladies back home?
Barbie: EXACTLY!!! lol
Winnie: you better stay in the big city then
Winnie: i snuck in my mom's closet and threw out her leather minis...was a close call
Barbie: every time I go back home I see a very unusual amount of hairspray and leather mini's on women over 50.....bad scene, lol
Barbie: you are a good daughter for saving her...
Barbie: God Bless you!!
Winnie: ya i know...she'll thank me sooner or later
Winnie: but you have to promise me that you'll save ME if need be...after a few years back I may need your help
Barbie: Yes, I am prepared to do an intervention if necessary......"step away from the tanning bed..."...lol
Winnie: nooooooooooooooo not the bed
Winnie: "I Winnie...promise to use the tanning bed in moderation"
Barbie: well, if you keep fakin' bakin' it, you'll look old waaaay before I do sista....
Winnie: lol
Barbie: Remember our high school gym teacher? She had "old leather shoe face" from tanning beds.....wasn't pretty...
Winnie: ya...lots of stuff about her wasn't pretty...
Winnie: but the hockey boys didn’t think so
Barbie: ahh...the good ol' days before the law stepped in when a teacher was dating students (if dating is what you want to call it)
Barbie: I just remember her giving us our "sex ed" talk....she walked in and said these exact words "if a guy tells you that cum is good for your complexion, it's only because he wants a blow job".......we were in grade nine and you could hear a pin drop after that....
Barbie: she also brought in her own birth control examples because she found the example ones too dated...LOL!!
Winnie: i still hear those words in my head...I swear people don’t believe me when I tell them that story
Winnie: and I still see her Diaphragm and half used tube of KY
Barbie: I will swear for you...I was there!!! Shocking!!!!
Barbie: slightly different than the sex ed speech I had just received the year before in Catholic school, given by a priest. "Don't do it or you're going to hell"....
Winnie: no wonder I’m so confused lol
Barbie: He also told the boys that it was a bad, bad sin to masturbate....and you could see the guilt on all their faces...lol
Winnie: ohhhhhh they cried all the way home lol
Barbie: ...and then did it anyway....lol
Barbie: maybe that's why Catholic girls are such bad asses....they figure early on.."well, at this point I'm going to hell anyway....so might as well have some fun before I get there..."
Winnie: guess they never taught reverse psychology back then
Barbie: I wouldn't change anything about my schooling but some of the things they told us were absolutely nuts!
Barbie: I remember my grade six teacher telling us that Michael Jackson and Abba were devil music and it was proven that if you played it backwards you could hear Satan himself saying stuff.....
Barbie: ahhh...your taxpayer dollars hard at work...
Barbie: So of course we ALL ruined our record players by trying to see if it was true...lol
Winnie: and kept that penny in our pockets
Barbie: what penny?
Winnie: the penny that sat on the needle
Barbie: oh ya...lol
Winnie: wake up!
Barbie: I don't get why some people are trying to make "vinyl" cool again....records sucked...they got all scratched up and the quality was terrible...
Winnie: vintage my dear!!!!! lol
Winnie: see what I mean?
Barbie: exactly...vintage......older, but cool and still in demand....just like us....


  1. omg i had blocked those sex ed memories, ARGGGG

  2. That's God 2UJune 9, 2009 at 2:26 PM

    I remember Mrs....mmmmmm weiner looking at me with cougar eyes...lol

  3. In your dreams God!!!!! lol