Ladies...what type do you chose?
Excerpts from Chatelaine. June 2009 edition
Mad About the Boys….
THE YOUNG GUY
How to identify him: His wholehearted embrace of hipster-retro style gives him an odd, yet sweet, resemblance to your first crush: neon sneakers, straight legged pants and a shaggy do.
Why we love him: For all his puppy-dog qualities: he’s wide-eyed, eager to please and, of course, beautiful. But most of all, because it’s refreshing to find a man who’s not looking for a women half his age (Oh- excuse us, half his age plus seven). The young guy lets us put away the script for a minute and write our own rules.
Why he’s trouble: His headlong rush into adulthood is directly related to how out of control his life was before you and that alter ego might make an appearance. Even if it doesn’t, his free spirit will lose its appeal the 100th time you throw toilet paper into your purse before going to his place
Best Match: Unexpectedly, he’s perfect for the sweetheart who would never consider being in charge all the time-but really should be.
THE HOT GUY
How to identify him: These guys are best identified by the symptoms they inflict. If you are experiencing dry mouth and fidgety, adolescent awkwardness, you may be in the presence of one such individual.
Why we love him: It could be his effortless charm, oozing charisma, chiselled jaw line, peachy derrière, rippling abs, deep soulful eyes, sparkling flirtatious smile….
Why he’s trouble: 1- He’s Hot. 2- He knows it. 3- He makes us forget that it’s what is on the inside-not the inside of his clothing- that counts.
Best Match: A vixen of the Samantha Jones variety, who appreciates her own reflection and understands the hot guys are just the accessory that never goes out of fashion.
THE FUNNY GUY
How to identify him: He’s the guy at the party-not the best looking, but not the worst-looking either- who’s holding court with laughing mob, all of them fixated on what’s going to come out of his mouth next. He reminds you of that hilarious guy in grade 11 biology class, the one who could never get a date. In fact, he may actually be that guy-though no longer has problems in the romance department. At the very least, he still dresses like he’s in high school: T-shirt (un-tucked), dress shirt (un-ironed and un-tucked), jeans (funny guys never, under any circumstances, wear Dockers)
Why we love him: The funny guy may be the smart guy, because true funny is smart funny.
Why he’s trouble: The funny guy is trouble only to women who can’t’ laugh at themselves.
Best Match: A compatible sense of humour tops the list. His partner needs to match him laugh for laugh- in fact, this can lead to one-upmanship, but she has to appreciate his jokes and understand that she will frequently be the butt of them.
THE NICE GUY
How to identify him: Walk into any male-packed place and scan for the man with the lease facial hair, no devilish fringe, no pervy goatee, nothing-and chances are that’s your guy. Why? He’s not trying to hide behind a veil of his own making. He’s open to show you who he is.
Why we love him: Because we chose to date him, we show ourselves to be a well-friggen-adjusted woman. We love him because he has an uncomplicated relationship with his parents, because he inspires us to be a better person, because he gives us a pretty persuasive reason to stand by our man.
How to identify him: Traditional attire includes: leather jackets, T-shirts and a preference for dark colours; however, rebels are more easily identified by disposition. Look for equal parts intelligence, confidence, rebellion and pure knee buckling suavity.
Why we love him: Passionate and independent, rebels are impulsive, flirtatious and display no interest in being nurtured. He will never qualify for insurance.
Why he’s trouble: Passionate and independent, rebels are impulsive, flirtatious and display no interest in being nurtured. He will never qualify for insurance.
Best Match: Autonomous females seeking a commitment –free distraction. While the lifespan of the rebel fling varies, they rarely mate for life (or age well).
THE FATHER FIGURE
How to identify him: The impeccably tailored suit says “I’m a big freaking deal”, but the open-collared shirt adds, “I party on weekends”.
Why we love him: Because every so often, a girl deserves to spend her Friday night sipping wine at a cozy bistro on the Seine, her Saturday trekking through the Himalayas and her Sunday in a spectacularly expensive gown sitting behind Jack Nicholson at the Oscars.
Why he’s trouble: Because you can never introduce him to your actual father: a tense patriarchal standoff will ensure. Because he’ll occasionally mistake you for his actual daughter and in Baldwin style, accuse you of being a “thoughtless little pig”. Because there is a Botox nurse lurking in every hospital wing.
Best Match: Women with lofty social ambitions, but low personal ones. Or those who want a brief affair that will result in the greatest swag bag ever.