Manopause and Manstruation

Winnie: bonjour madame
Barbie: bonjour!
Winnie: vous allez bien aujourd'hui?
Barbie: pas mal, pas mal...
Barbie: I found something funny today...
Winnie: Oh, how unusual
Barbie: manstration: definition: When a man is going through his monthly grumpiness.
"You are a boy-bitch right now - are you on your manstration?"
Barbie: let’s discuss: do men have manstration?
Winnie: hmmmmm...i think they just have women!
Barbie: what? you batting for the men today or what?
Barbie: lol
Winnie: no, but im sure if there were no women around,,,they would not bitch at us
Barbie: ah...I see. lol
Winnie: and....WE wouldn't have to hear it LOL
Barbie: well this week I read about male menopause...did you know there was such a thing?
Winnie: is that when they start dating younger women?
Barbie: LMAO! no that is early 20s....
Barbie: it is actually called andropause...sounds very exciting....not!
Barbie: its when the little blue pill may come into play. EEEEEEEK!
Winnie: how can a 20 yr old date younger women?
Barbie: I dated 20 year olds when I was 18...
Barbie: dated an 18 year old when I was 15, etc.
Winnie: Oooooo...how risqué.
Barbie: lol, trust me, there was nothin' risqué about it.
Winnie: so what makes men go into menopause?
Barbie: same thing as women....lack of hormones.
Winnie: LOL, didn’t think THAT was possible
Barbie: tell me about it eh? But apparently they start losing hair, sex drive, start gaining weight, get lethargic and sometimes depressed. Yikes. This sounds bad.
Winnie: sounds like a lot of men I know lol
Barbie: I wonder if there is a direct link with wearing socks and sandals too?
Barbie: A lot of men you know lack sex drive?
Winnie: ok maybe not
Barbie: I was gonna say...
Barbie: lol
Winnie: well don’t
Barbie: ok then.
Barbie: lol
Barbie: dang. why can't we stay 25 forever, just not with the same maturity?
Barbie: And facelifts and botox don't count cuz God knows they aren't fooling anyone...
Winnie: too young...30 is good
Barbie: ya...30 is perfect. Body wise.
Winnie: body....and wise
Barbie: lol. exactly.
Barbie: Wanna be scared silly from ever getting work done?? Check out this website:
Barbie: http://famousplastic.com/category/botox/
Barbie: YIKES!
Barbie: my personal favourite is the "bad plastic surgery" part....hoa nelly!
Barbie: I can't look away...it's like a train wreck. All these beautiful people maiming themselves...
Winnie: yuckkkkkkkkkk
Winnie: I could think of better things to do with my money than sacrifice my body.....well it depends for what
Barbie: I say let's age gracefully....and have fun all the way!!!
Winnie: I’m working on it sista! I’m working on it!!!!

The Hardest Job on Earth

Winnie: Good morning
Barbie: Hey there!
Winnie: How's the weather?
Barbie: humid and hot
Barbie: you?
Winnie: humid and hot
Barbie: lol
Winnie: I’m tired of people complaining about the heat....WAKE UP PEOPLE…it will be over before you know it. It won’t kill you…well it can, but highly unlikely LOL
Barbie: So....you know, sometimes I forget what it is like in a small town...
Barbie: this weekend I got a text from PC saying that the twins told one of our friends that I said that their basement looked like a barn. LOL!!
Winnie: well does it?
Barbie: No. It is actually nice. I said it looked like a SKI LODGE, not a barn. But clearly things were slow as far as drama goes in the Hole cuz they felt the need to light a bomb, drop it and run. Hope they were amused....I do believe this is war now...
Barbie: And....I'm starting to recall them telling me that they would like to have a threesome with Fun Bobby.
Winnie: Well, didn't they? That's what they told me!
Winnie: heheheheh, i feel like I’m in high school again
Barbie: No. If we were in high school, the twins would be trying to smoke oregano.
Winnie: Don't knock it......
Barbie: OMG. I'm so glad I wasn't your mother when you were a teen.
Winnie: It makes you feel Italian...lol
Barbie: K, I'll take your word for it spaghetti-o
Winnie: Well they do say paybacks are a BIATCH....trust me, I'm getting paid back BIG TIME.... Barbie: why?
Winnie: with my kids...geesshhhh, wake up sista
Barbie: ah yes, but they aren't BAD per se...
Barbie: You were BAD per se...lol
Winnie: We thought we had social pressure...my god I would not want to be a teen these days.
Winnie: In our day, we had to look for trouble....now...it looks for them. They spend their time trying to run from it. Not such an easy thing to do when "Everyone is doing it"
Barbie: hmmm.....everyone was doing lots of stuff when we were young too.
Winnie: oh...wait...and the best....."Well you did it too!"
Winnie: so much for honesty LOL
Barbie: ya but there are reasons why you shouldn't do those things and as an adult you understand them now. Think of all the bad things that COULD have happened to you BAD girls, lol.
Winnie: the problem with that is that it's just about true...and if you think your kids are immune...please think again
Barbie: oh no....I know they will get offered stuff left and right...
Winnie: ok, there are some good, responsible kids out there, absolutely....but if you ask me, it's a pure genetic jackpot LOL
Winnie: combined with tough parenting...not such an easy combination to accomplish
Barbie: ya...you never know what you will get in terms of temperament. And what they are born with is what they usually keep their whole lives...
Winnie: not easy for sure....but they make us proud in their own way...it's nice sometimes to get some value for all our parental trials
Barbie: ya. But parenting is the hardest job on earth, hands down. I don't think anyone has a clue until they are actually doing it as to how hard it can be. And if you don't think it is hard then you are not engaged with your children....or you are lying.
Winnie: so true
Barbie: And it is a job that you will have 'til the day you die. (not to be a downer, but just to acknowledge all the hard working parents out there!)
Winnie: well now that my son is leaving for college and moving into his own place, a new set of worries start....wow...
Barbie: Wanna hear something funny? One summer when I was about 20 I took a job as a nanny for 3 children in their home. And every night I would come home absolutely exhausted. I started thinking...wow, this is a tremendous amount of work, keeping them entertained, cooking, cleaning, and educating them. Maybe I don't want to have kids, but then my Dad said "it's different when you have your own kids". So....he was right...it is different but just as hard!!!! Maybe even harder cuz you don't ever go "off duty".
Winnie: but it's not the same job....yes of course you're never off duty...but it's easier to be yourself...even if you mess up, say the wrong thing, don’t do the dishes and let them eat cake for breakfast....you have no one to answer too. THAT makes it easier and of course gratifying also!
Winnie: and when you see them as teenagers...still dunk their Peanut butter toast in their chocolate milk...just like you taught them...it’s great!!!!!!!!

The Men We Love

Ladies...what type do you chose?


Excerpts from Chatelaine. June 2009 edition
Mad About the Boys….


THE YOUNG GUY

How to identify him: His wholehearted embrace of hipster-retro style gives him an odd, yet sweet, resemblance to your first crush: neon sneakers, straight legged pants and a shaggy do.
Why we love him: For all his puppy-dog qualities: he’s wide-eyed, eager to please and, of course, beautiful. But most of all, because it’s refreshing to find a man who’s not looking for a women half his age (Oh- excuse us, half his age plus seven). The young guy lets us put away the script for a minute and write our own rules.
Why he’s trouble: His headlong rush into adulthood is directly related to how out of control his life was before you and that alter ego might make an appearance. Even if it doesn’t, his free spirit will lose its appeal the 100th time you throw toilet paper into your purse before going to his place
Best Match: Unexpectedly, he’s perfect for the sweetheart who would never consider being in charge all the time-but really should be.


THE HOT GUY

How to identify him: These guys are best identified by the symptoms they inflict. If you are experiencing dry mouth and fidgety, adolescent awkwardness, you may be in the presence of one such individual.
Why we love him: It could be his effortless charm, oozing charisma, chiselled jaw line, peachy derrière, rippling abs, deep soulful eyes, sparkling flirtatious smile….
Why he’s trouble: 1- He’s Hot. 2- He knows it. 3- He makes us forget that it’s what is on the inside-not the inside of his clothing- that counts.
Best Match: A vixen of the Samantha Jones variety, who appreciates her own reflection and understands the hot guys are just the accessory that never goes out of fashion.


THE FUNNY GUY

How to identify him: He’s the guy at the party-not the best looking, but not the worst-looking either- who’s holding court with laughing mob, all of them fixated on what’s going to come out of his mouth next. He reminds you of that hilarious guy in grade 11 biology class, the one who could never get a date. In fact, he may actually be that guy-though no longer has problems in the romance department. At the very least, he still dresses like he’s in high school: T-shirt (un-tucked), dress shirt (un-ironed and un-tucked), jeans (funny guys never, under any circumstances, wear Dockers)
Why we love him: The funny guy may be the smart guy, because true funny is smart funny.
Why he’s trouble: The funny guy is trouble only to women who can’t’ laugh at themselves.
Best Match: A compatible sense of humour tops the list. His partner needs to match him laugh for laugh- in fact, this can lead to one-upmanship, but she has to appreciate his jokes and understand that she will frequently be the butt of them.


THE NICE GUY

How to identify him: Walk into any male-packed place and scan for the man with the lease facial hair, no devilish fringe, no pervy goatee, nothing-and chances are that’s your guy. Why? He’s not trying to hide behind a veil of his own making. He’s open to show you who he is.
Why we love him: Because we chose to date him, we show ourselves to be a well-friggen-adjusted woman. We love him because he has an uncomplicated relationship with his parents, because he inspires us to be a better person, because he gives us a pretty persuasive reason to stand by our man.


THE REBEL

How to identify him: Traditional attire includes: leather jackets, T-shirts and a preference for dark colours; however, rebels are more easily identified by disposition. Look for equal parts intelligence, confidence, rebellion and pure knee buckling suavity.
Why we love him: Passionate and independent, rebels are impulsive, flirtatious and display no interest in being nurtured. He will never qualify for insurance.
Why he’s trouble: Passionate and independent, rebels are impulsive, flirtatious and display no interest in being nurtured. He will never qualify for insurance.
Best Match: Autonomous females seeking a commitment –free distraction. While the lifespan of the rebel fling varies, they rarely mate for life (or age well).


THE FATHER FIGURE

How to identify him: The impeccably tailored suit says “I’m a big freaking deal”, but the open-collared shirt adds, “I party on weekends”.
Why we love him: Because every so often, a girl deserves to spend her Friday night sipping wine at a cozy bistro on the Seine, her Saturday trekking through the Himalayas and her Sunday in a spectacularly expensive gown sitting behind Jack Nicholson at the Oscars.
Why he’s trouble: Because you can never introduce him to your actual father: a tense patriarchal standoff will ensure. Because he’ll occasionally mistake you for his actual daughter and in Baldwin style, accuse you of being a “thoughtless little pig”. Because there is a Botox nurse lurking in every hospital wing.
Best Match: Women with lofty social ambitions, but low personal ones. Or those who want a brief affair that will result in the greatest swag bag ever.

Psycho girl is in da HOOOUUUSE!

Winnie: So, how does it feel to finally be in the new millennium?
Barbie: I'm like a kid with a new toy! I love texting!!
Winnie: be very careful...its addicting
Barbie: too late. I'm already addicted to my computer...at least this makes my life a little more mobile...lol
Winnie: funny how we never run out of things to say....
Barbie: maybe we just run off at the mouth a bit, ha, ha and just because YOU run out of things to say doesn’t stop you from talking…ooooo….burn!
Winnie: (Nice)… with Skype. FB and texting...it’s not our mouths that are doing the running
Barbie: I have to say that if it wasn't for all of these things, I would probably feel pretty isolated. Thank God for technology....
Winnie: watch out for the calluses...I hear *%^ is good for that !!!!
Barbie: Now you're talking like a guy..lol
Winnie: or is that for something else?...not sure anymore LOL
Winnie: that's cuz I spend way too much time at the Hut with the guys...help!
Barbie: You ARE starting to sound disturbingly like the gang of guys there....lol
Barbie: who was there last night?
Winnie: Close Talker, Mr. BBQ, Fists o’flying, Teddy Bear and Hiver (and of course PC)
Winnie: I didn’t stay very long, had a long night at work...
Winnie: just stayed long enough for a couple Limes
Barbie: I talked to PC late last night and he seemed like he had had a few also, lol
Winnie: I saw a few empty glasses...but who was counting?
Barbie: I bet the patios were doing well last night with all the good weather!
Winnie: was crazy...I worked alone, thank God the bartender could help. It was jammed for 8 hrs straight...don’t people have anything better to do on a hot, sunny summer evening?
Barbie: nope. you got any better ideas?
Winnie: nope
Barbie: Sangrias on the patio on a warm summer night? What could be better?
Barbie: K, here is something funny....or sad....or scary depending how you look at it...
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg-heCy0CbQ
Barbie: Something to ponder....yikes
Winnie: Oh my....I think I may know someone like that
Barbie: seriously?
Barbie: that's scary!!
Barbie: who is it?
Winnie: Me!!!!!

Life's little indulgences!

Winnie: Good day!
Barbie: Hi there!
Barbie: I have some very sad and disturbing news...
Winnie: oh no
Barbie: I found my first grey hair....sigh.....
Winnie: how devastating....well you did spend a week with PC, no wonder ;)
Barbie: LOL....I'm thinking it has more to do with divorce, but I may be wrong...
Barbie: At first I thought it was an extra blond one but as it turns out, sadly, no.
Winnie: all I have to say.....Nice and Easy....best friends FOREVER!
Barbie: well....it is gone now but I can see that someday in my future, it may have to be an option.
Winnie: its only a deterrent...more to come my friend, don’t think you are oblivious!
Barbie: it just took so long; somehow I thought maybe I was missing the grey hair gene...lol
Barbie: I even saved it just to put it against various dark and black backgrounds to make sure it just wasn't extra blond and maybe I was panicking for nothing...
Winnie: i feel your pain....
Winnie: How's the parent's visit going?
Barbie: fantastic.....can I just say how much I enjoy people cooking for me? Pretty much ANYTHING you make for me will make me happy. Plus, my Dad has been mowing the lawn and fixing things around the house so I am in heaven...lol
Barbie: I'm sure the novelty would wear off eventually but for the moment, I love being taken care of....
Barbie: I'm thinking I am still hetero but wouldn't mind having a wife...
Winnie: so it’s been a couple weeks of indulgence eh?
Barbie: yep....and I could get used to it...
Barbie: permanently.
Winnie: i still prefer doing it myself...no one else can do right LOL
Winnie: except for maybe the cooking
Barbie: I may have been royalty in another life cuz it just feels so right to me to be coddled...lol
Winnie: oh what a surprise!!!!
Winnie: I can only take it for so long...at first it's nice but after a while it's like " Hey! I can open that door myself, thank you very much...now move over!"
Winnie: "...and now, come over here and give me some!"
Barbie: no, no...you are misunderstanding....I like having my own life, my own money, my own responsibilities....I just want a cook, maid and someone to shovel the driveway and mow the lawn. Then life will be perfect...lol
Barbie: Then again it would give me so much free time I wouldn't know what to do with myself!
Winnie: well Im sure you could find something...lol
Barbie: true enough...I'd join the gym or something...ha, ha
Winnie: ya ok!
Barbie: So...how's the weather there? Raining again I am assuming? (pretty safe bet)
Winnie: nope, its an absolutely beautiful day...hot and sunny
Winnie: should be like this for the rest of the week
Barbie: aw, man...shut your gob
Winnie: summer had finaly arrived
Barbie: send it this way!!!
Winnie: just in time for back to school.....lol suckers!!!!!!!!!!
Winnie: so the weather sucks in the Center of the Universe?
Barbie: yep...if we could avoid a thunderstorm for one. single. day., it might be nice!
Winnie: well for once i dont feel bad...share the wealth baby!!!!
Barbie: ha...ha funny (alsonotsomuch)
Winnie: besides...I look better with a tan ;)
Barbie: .....maybe one of these days I will get one too...

drunk and persistent...admirable in a sad way...

http://www.break.com/index/drunk-guy-confuses-pants-with-his-shirt.html

We're Back!

Winnie: welcome back!!!!!
Barbie: thanks...same to you!
Winnie: so i guess we have a lot to report to our readers
Barbie: well....it was a jam packed week, that's for sure!
Winnie: I think it's going to take me the rest of the summer to recoup
Barbie: It was a week of indulgence for sure!
Barbie: Good food, good friends, good fun!
Winnie: we sure ran into some interesting characters this past week
Winnie: but then I’m sure most of the memories I have are alcohol filtered
Barbie: THAT is an understatement. Who knew Silver Fox could sing? LOL!
Winnie: I'll take your word for it, i didn’t hear him
Barbie: It was a fun day on the boat too!
Winnie: felt like the good old days, ...almost LOL
Barbie: It really did...so much fun all around. Great to reconnect with some old pals from the Hole and some new ones too!
Winnie: well we went out almost every night, we were bound to run into a few people haha
Barbie: ya...I'd say we upped our odds, lol
Barbie: My gosh...I can't recall a time that I consumed that much alcohol that many days in succession. That coupled with all the decadent food...yikes!
Barbie: AND...( and this is the most exciting part) I almost got a tan..lol
Winnie: I think I’m still de-toxing lol
Winnie: you almost had it there!!!!!
Barbie: soooo close...lol
Winnie: so I went to the Rainbow on Saturday night and met a certain someone who had me shaking my head all night....believe it or not!
Winnie: You would have hidden under the bar stool, lol
Barbie: Who was it?
Winnie: she's a cousin of "a friend"
Barbie: pretty rowdy?
Winnie: let's just call her....OH MY GOD!
Winnie: thank God I was forewarned before I met her !
Barbie: lol, ok! If she shocks you, then you know it must be bad.
Winnie: she spent the evening hitting on every guy and girl in the place...and then was not shy to tell how the guys in the band measured up...if you know what I mean?
Barbie: What the?
Barbie: I wish I could've seen your face. I
Barbie: have always wondered what you look like embarrassed.
Winnie: I think I was hidden in my sweater most of the night...like an ostrich.
Barbie: Were the other people with you mortified as well?
Winnie: ya, her cousin...lol...it's a true testament that you can’t judge someone by who they are related to lol
Barbie: Thank God for That! I have some pretty wacky relatives...but who doesn't?
Barbie: Well, I have some very exciting news...
Barbie: PC got me a cell phone for my birthday (coming up)!!
Barbie: AND it has unlimited texting!! I'm so excited to be coming into this decade..lol
Winnie: it's about time
Barbie: I know, I know...
Barbie: but now you will be able to text me!!
Winnie: what could I possibly have to say????
Barbie: OMG.