She said/She said...

Nerds Gone Wild

2010-03-05T10:00:00.002-05:00

Winnie: happy Friday!
Barbie: Hey....yes! Same to you!
Winnie: sure lol
Winnie: I think I like Thursdays better...I DON’T have to go to work
Barbie: lol
Barbie: Do you not like working at the new place?
Winnie: of course, but just when everyone else is getting off work for the weekend... I have to get ready to serve their drunken asses all night lol
Barbie: oh yeah.....that's not fun.
Winnie: hey, my mom and I are going to see Vagina monologues tomorrow night
Barbie: ya! You were saying.....you'll have to let me know what you think! I'm especially keen to know what your MOM thinks, lol
Winnie: she's more excited than me lol
Barbie: cool.
Barbie: I think it is good for older women to see how far we've come!
Winnie: will give you my report
Barbie: lol good
Winnie: although i wish you were seeing it too...you're better at remembering and reporting things like that
Winnie: my comment will be: OMG it was soooooooooo funny lol
Barbie: lol
Winnie: you know I’m right lol
Barbie: so what you are saying is that you need a nerd along with you. ha ha
Winnie: no I need you and your journalistic tendencies
Winnie: I am an Artist...not a writer lol
Barbie: lol....we think differently. You think and remember in emotions and I think and remember in words. I am a verbal learner.
Winnie: well i guess me reporting on a "one women monologue" is not a good idea lol
Winnie: i should be reporting on the Rembrant Exhibit
Barbie: lol.....but even then you will say "I don't remember the painting's name but boy it sure made me feel (fill in the blank)"
Winnie: ya I’m good at that
Barbie: lol, I know. I like it.
Barbie: I like having friends who think in different way. Gives me more perspective on the world.
Winnie: live vicariously through others ??
Barbie: in a way....I'm just a curious person and I'm always interested by how other people think.
Winnie: I like having a nerdy friend...she listens to me ;)
Winnie: she may think I’m a freak...but she still likes me
Barbie: lol....you are good for me....you push me to be more daring...you always have. Otherwise I would be a nun or a lab nerd somewhere.
Barbie: and what a waste of my hotness THAT would be...ha, ha!
Winnie: yesssssssssssss, just what I’ve been telling you for 25 years
Barbie: I know, I know. But it is my nature to be cautious and think things through....you are more of a "throw caution to the wind" kind of gal....we are made differently!
Winnie: but then again, you're playing hard to get has kind of paid off lol
Barbie: well lucky for me that's the way guys work, lol
Winnie: lol
Barbie: I wouldn't say I purposely play hard to get, I just AM hard to get. I usually try to put a lot of rational thought into a new relationship before I jump in. So that might appear as "hard to get"
Winnie: 30 years??????
Barbie: ...but I have also learned that relationships are not always something that you can "think" through...sometimes you have to go with your heart.
Winnie: well it's about time you figured it out
Winnie: how do you think one night stands happen????
Barbie: ya....definitely not a "one night stand" type of gal...
Barbie: I'd be like "hmmm.....let me think about this and make some charts and get back to you in a couple of weeks" lol
Winnie: ya, i see that worked for you
Barbie: ha, ha
Barbie: Good on paper doesn't necessarily mean good in real life...I guess I am learning that as I get older.
Winnie: go with your heat baby...
Barbie: I think you meant to say heart, but with you, you never know....hahahahaha!
Winnie: LOL..shit

Gold Cananda Gold!!

2010-02-26T10:09:00.005-05:00

Winnie: good Friday morning
Barbie: fantastic Friday morning! Did you watch the game last night?
Winnie: of course lol
Barbie: Canadian women KICK ASS!!!!!
Winnie: we sure do ;)
Barbie: and apparently Russians are the poorest sports around!!
Winnie: poorest?
Barbie: After our men defeated Russia, the Russian president cancelled his trip to Vancouver for the closing ceremonies....LMAO!! Boooohooooooo
Winnie: LOL...sore losers
Barbie: ....and they are supposed to host the next winter Olympics??? Great example!!
Winnie: Canadians are being the best hosts ever! So proud!
Barbie: yes....I felt especially proud as the American Women were getting their silver medals yesterday...the whole (mostly Canadian) crowd cheered "USA- USA!!"...even though they are our toughest rivals, they still got silver and they are very worthy opponents! ...and I know there is no crying in hockey but I bawled like a baby as the Canadian women's hockey team were receiving their gold medals!
Barbie: Such fantastic athletes and they deserved it so much!!
Winnie: ya, i said the same thing when the Americans were getting their medals, Canada has class....it's too bad that someone has to lose to win silver. Wish there could be another way around that...
Barbie: yes....the Americans gave us our only true competition, and I am grateful for it.
Winnie: and what about Joannis's skate? Wow...what a strong woman and her Dad....oh boy! So awesome that he was there for her!
Barbie: Well, if you ever had any doubt as to if Canadian women are strong, determined individuals take a look at the medal count....the sisters are bringing home the bacon for our country!
Winnie: i think i might train for the next Olympics...
Winnie: not sure for what...lol
Winnie: I'm sure there is something i could kick ass at?
Barbie: I'm thinking bobsled. I would be the person at the back who just has to put her head down and be brave...ha
Barbie: but I have to say there are a lot of older women on our teams...maybe it isn't over for us yet...lol
Barbie: maybe if I start curling now???
Winnie: hey...good idea. And the curlers are getting hotter and hotter...so we may have a chance
Barbie: ya!! Curling it is!!
Winnie: Ok...we'll start next week ;)
Barbie: well next week I have a lot going on....how about the week after that?
Winnie: hmmmm....I may have to wash my hair
Barbie: gee....this Olympic stuff requires a lot of motivation...

She Bops...so Hot...Who knew?

2010-02-12T10:41:00.005-05:00

Barbie: So billboard just came out with their "Top 50 Sexiest Songs of all time"
Barbie: http://www.billboard.com/#/news/sexy-songs-1-1004066338.story
Winnie: OK...I'm so so so sad
Winnie: ...the loss of innocence at it's best
Barbie: ??
Winnie: Cindy Lauper....She Bop?
Winnie: I feel like a fool ,lol
Barbie: Did you realize it was about ...um....getting yourself off?
Winnie: never
Winnie: ok....maybe I haven't heard it since 1987
Winnie: that might explain why
Barbie: I remember hearing that it was a controversial song but I never really understood why at 13...ha!
Barbie: Then again I never listened to the words!
Winnie: and even Prince...Raspberry Beret??
Winnie: holy.....
Barbie: I KNOW!!!! I loved that song! I had NO IDEA!!!
Barbie: Peter Gabriel's Sledgehammer??
Barbie: I guess it never really occurred to me!?
Barbie: Makes sense..."I wanna be....your sledgehammer"...ha! ha!
Winnie: I'm shocked....guess I will have to go through that list and "listen" to all those songs again lol
Barbie: I'm surprised this song wasn't on it...
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PYqosH7Qrc
Barbie: I can't stand Mariah but I have to say that I have always liked that song...ha
Winnie: I don't think I've ever heard that song....what's with me?????
Barbie: WHAT THE???
Winnie: I KNOW
Barbie: It's the ultimate booty call song!! How could you have missed that? ha!
Barbie: this is a good one too...
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raB8z_tXq7A
Winnie: well, I think it's the video that's sexy, not so much the song
Barbie: no...the video is trashy, the song is sexy.
Barbie: Hmmm....this is an oldie but a goodie...
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tunvwCvu2NY
Winnie: THAT, I LOVE, lol
Winnie: gives some good ideas... ;)
Barbie: easy now.
Winnie: ya ya ya, you started
Barbie: I think this should have been number one. All time classic. No mixing words....just the straight up goods...ha
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bAekG9VwQc
Winnie: was it not on the list?
Barbie: it was...but not number one.
Winnie: oh ok
Barbie: I'm disappointed that this one wasn't on it....I love it.
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=292GKB5o46w
Barbie: I laughed when I saw "Pour Some Sugar On Me"....ha, ha...
Winnie: lol ya...I might have overdone that one in High School....
Barbie: that's not really sexy....more making out in the back seat of a car.
Winnie: but i have to say, I think this is my all time fav:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7NkYu6SaPo
Winnie: Love bites......
Barbie: oooooo.......I think we ALL have good memories around THAT one....ha, ha.
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaa

We would like to wish our fans a sexy and very hot Valentine's Day!
xo

Manswers....Sshhhmanswers!!!

2010-02-11T20:21:00.001-05:00

Winnie: how's it going?
Barbie: good! u?
Winnie: feel like crap
Barbie: oh no....your cold you mean?
Winnie: ya and just cranky today
Barbie: i hate those days
Winnie: so I "watched" this show last night, DaddyOhh was flipping channels and stopped on Spyke TV
Winnie: ...it's called Manswers, have you ever seen it?
Barbie: no?
Barbie: what is it about?
Winnie: It's an "information" show for men...about how to "get it on" with women and other crazy shit
Winnie: i was sooooooooo shocked...my mouth was wide open lol
Winnie: he was laughing at me and i said "we have to blog about this"
Winnie: http://www.spike.com/show/22792
Winnie: watch it..when you get a chance, i sent you the link and that is the episode that i watched, some of it anyways.
Barbie: ok...will do. And I want you to read the book I am reading....it will blow your mind. It is called "The Meaning of Wife"
Winnie: i've heard about it
Winnie: im almost done EAT PRAY LOVE
Barbie: what do you think?
Winnie: not bad
Winnie: some parts are inspiring
Barbie: the book that I am reading right now isn't a story. It is more of the history of being a wife. But it is sooooo interesting.
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhh im sure it is lol
Barbie: I will never get married again. We have totally been taken for a ride.
Winnie: LMAO
Barbie: It is like getting all excited about getting put into prison. Asking guys to PLEASE lock me up?
Winnie: lol
Winnie: something like that
Barbie: ok....I'm watching this Manswers thing. wow! I feel sorry for guys who think they are actually learning something by watching this.
Winnie: LOL i know...that is what i was saying lol
Winnie: i cant believe they allow that on tv
Barbie: they aren't stupid. But the guys who watch it are!
Winnie: which part are you watching?
Barbie: What candy GUARANTEES you to get a mouthful of beaver taco.
Barbie: It is like a tv show saying "watch this tv show and you will get bigger boobs".
Barbie: Actually there is an equivalent for women....it is called COSMO.
Barbie: the magazine for stupid women who feel that their whole lives should revolve around pleasing men.
Winnie: its crazy
Barbie: I have to say.....I NEVER tried so desperately to get a guy as some of the girls do nowadays....and now the guys are doing it too....hilarious!
Winnie: i just keep seeing this overweight 19 year old dweeb sitting on his couch on a friday night with a bucket of KFC watching this and believing that if he puts a muffler on his 10 speed, it will turn on the cheerleaders
Barbie: lol!!!! exactly. People, people. Use your heads. There is no magic formula for getting the opposite sex. Some people like certain approaches, others not so much.
Winnie: ok..."chick boner"????? WTF?
Winnie: if you watch porn before you hit the clubs, the ladies will pick up on your sex sweat and fall for you? Holly cow!!!!!!!
Barbie: I think they are just telling guys what they want to hear.
Winnie: this is just wrong...wrong...wrong....
Barbie: They must think we are REALLY dumb.
Barbie: It's ok. Let them keep thinking that way. It gives us the upper hand.
Winnie: i think THEY think guys are really dumb
Winnie: it just cant be.....can it???????
Barbie: well let's be honest sweetie...the guys who believe this ARE really dumb.
Barbie: or 14 years old.

Learn from other's mistakes....

2010-01-29T09:44:00.007-05:00

Winnie: so it's Friday!
Barbie: Thank ya JESUS!
Winnie: LOL...boy pretty excited
Barbie: tough week. But bring on the weekend!
Winnie: I don't have any plans so it not that big of a deal
Barbie: Oh trust me when I say that I have no exciting plans... but I am just looking forward to a change...at least I don't have to make lunches for two days. Ha
Winnie: well. There you go!! lol
Winnie: Guess I will rest up for next weekend. Can't wait!
Barbie: so next Sat. afternoon, we're exploring the big city...hopefully it won't be too cold!
Winnie: let's hope not...or we can sit and have coffee all afternoon lol
Winnie: and people watch, get some good blog material
Barbie: ha, ha....ya...we need some new material.
Winnie: no kidding
Winnie: so......I'm tattoo shopping
Barbie: what???
Winnie: yup, I've decided to do it....
Winnie: been putting it off for 20 years, I think it's about time
Barbie: let me guess....you are going to get "Keep it real" scrolled across your back...ha,ah
Winnie: it was a contender.....
Barbie: please don't say barbed wire around your arm....I will have to have you committed.
Winnie: It's and African symbol that means: Learn from the Past
Barbie: If I were you, I would really research it....make sure it doesn't mean "dumb ass white girl"
Winnie: it's a pretty one too....but who wants to look like Lindsay Lohan?
Barbie: is that what she has??
Barbie: Obviously it isn't working for her.
Winnie: LOL, I don't know, just trying to be funny, help me out here!!!
Barbie: sorry. ha
Barbie: I just don't want you to end up with say...a misspelled tattoo.....I'm not naming names or anything but I know someone who wanted to have Deuce written and now has Duce. oooopsie!! that was definitely worth a spellcheck.
Winnie: ya....that sucks
Winnie: note to self: ask where he got that done...so I don't go there!
Barbie: good plan!
Barbie: Also, I wouldn't recommend a tattoo parlour in the back of anything mobile....but that's just me.
Winnie: shit...guess i should ask for my deposit back eh?
Barbie: Well, you know what happened last time you gave money to Carnies....
Winnie: hey hey hey....that was suppose to be just between you and me!!!!!

Why???

2010-01-21T10:23:00.002-05:00

Winnie: Hello my dear dear friend!
Barbie: Hello!!!!!
Winnie: is there a way of getting out of parenthood?
Barbie: If there was YOU KNOW someone would have found it by now!
Winnie: oh well, guess I need to tough it out lol
Barbie: what a freakin' week!!
Winnie: In feel your pain ;)
Winnie: What's going on today?
Barbie: hmmm....let's see....ex trouble and yesterday I found out a colleague has cancer and today another acquaintance. I just found out five minutes ago that my colleague died late last night.
Winnie: OH no.....so sorry hun
Barbie: don't be sorry for me....I am sorry for their families. It was too late by the time she found out I guess.
Barbie: Plus another friend of mine's father died this week.
Winnie: so horrible
Barbie: Well, we know that death is part of life, but it seems so unfair when someone is taken so young.
Winnie: guess it makes our problems seem so manageable
Barbie: I have a stress neck ache....wonder why? ha, ha
Winnie: one more sleep and you can get help with that !
Barbie: but you are right....these things put it all into perspective. As long as we are living, everything else will be settled.
Barbie: Yes, I am so looking forward to PC's visit. Will be good to have someone to cuddle with.
Winnie: not that it makes our problems less real...but sure does put things into perspective
Barbie: yes. absolutely.
Barbie: and the Haiti earthquake as well. I did my part and gave money to the cause (just so I don't get letters). But it also has served the purpose of showing us how lucky we are here.
Barbie: ....and how humans can pull together for a good cause.
Winnie: Humanity...it has it's strengths
Barbie: yes. It does.
Winnie: So does Friendship ;)
Winnie: it's a small version of humanity
Barbie: Even though I sometimes question it when I look at people like 23 year old Heidi Montag getting 10 plastic surgery procedures!!
Winnie: yes i saw that...poor girl needs some self esteem therapy
Barbie: um...ya think?
Barbie: she ruined her looks entirely
Winnie: although It's more like "how to start over when all you have left that you were born with is the blood flowing through your veins" therapy
Barbie: absolute insanity
Winnie: who's gonna take her seriously now?
Barbie: why can't we just accept ourselves as woman..."flaws" and all?
Winnie: because plastic surgeons would be out of business
Winnie: and some women can...the somewhat sane ones that is
Barbie: If women were smart, we would all band together and just say "this is it" if you don't like it, then no sex for you.
Winnie: then the plastic surgeons could all become marriage counselors lol
Barbie: hahahaha!

Wife Needed...(with no fringe benfits)

2010-01-15T10:41:00.002-05:00

Winnie: Good Friday morning!!
Barbie: hi
Barbie: ....looks like it is going to be one of those mornings!!
Winnie: busy girl, what's going on?
Barbie: just to much to do and not enough time
Winnie: imagine if you had to be at work earlier?
Barbie: I know. All these things to do are cramping my style, ha, ha
Winnie: lol
Barbie: you know I was born to be a lady who lunches?
Winnie: guess that should be your next book lol
Barbie: just as soon as I get the 25 million I need to be a proper lady who lunches. ha
Winnie: oh and have to make sure your lady friends are as well equipped
Barbie: but of course my dear!
Barbie: what fun would it is lunching alone?
Winnie: EXACTLY
Winnie: but then again, you do have a small pooch to put in a designer bag and take along with you
Barbie: no, no....my personal assistant will be walking the dog while I lunch.
Winnie: ahhhhhhhhhhh, i see
Winnie: sounds promising
Barbie: well hey; a girl needs to have plan!
Winnie: and first on the list is a personal assistant?
Winnie: oh and don't forget your very own PR lady!!!!
Barbie: or maybe a maid of some kind.
Winnie: mmmmmmmmmm nice
Barbie: I still think I just need a wife.
Winnie: ya, but it's much harder to fire a wife
Barbie: she can cook for me, clean for me, do all the crappy stuff and I can work and come home
and play with the kids
Winnie: but then she wants half when you’re done with her!!! ;)
Winnie: it's cheaper to pay severance pay
Barbie: maybe I'll just hire a maid, nanny and personal assistant instead.
Winnie: sounds like a safer plan to me.....
Barbie: ya
Winnie: and this way you could still have a boyfriend on the side and no one to complain about it
Barbie: Now…THAT’S A PLAN!

Reasons to stay single in 2010

2010-01-07T11:32:00.010-05:00

So, to start out 2010, we have decided to remind
ourselves why we love to be single.
Here are our top 25 reasons.


When you’re single...

1-Without a spouse you can still have a decent
social life in your 30s.
2-Nobody sees what you look like first thing in the morning.
3-You don’t have to worry about what the bathroom
smells like when you walk out of it.
4-You know where the bar of soap has been.
5-There’s no fight for remote control ownership.
6-You don't have to shave if you don’t want to.
7-You won’t have anyone saying 'you're not going to wear
that, are you? (that’s what friends are for)
8-If there’s dribble on your pillow you know where it came
from.
9-You can be rude if that’s in you’re nature.
10-You can have friends over who behave outrageously
whenever you want.
11-You can surf porn on the Internet till you’re eyes fall out
and don't have to worry about deleting your browser.
12-You can spend all night on the phone without having
to justify it.
13-There's plenty of space in the closet.
14-You can drink wine out of a bottle or milk right out of
the jug whenever you like.
15-You don't have to write cards on anyone’s behalf for
birthdays or Christmas.
16-You can pass gas at will.
17-Your opinion is always the best opinion.
18-You can enjoy great performances of gay musicians
and actors without getting that eye-rolling thingy....
19-Dragon breath in the morning? No big deal.
20-Las Vegas is back on the list of vacation destinations.
21-Sweatpants and baggy shirt? Yes baby!
22-You can tell people you’re single and not have to
lie about it.
23-You can come home drunk and not have to pretend
you’re sober.
24-You can use your own name at hotels.

And last but not least…

25-You can actually tell the bartender, "If anyone
calls asking for me, tell them I'm HERE baby!"

Happy New Year to all our fans and thank you for sticking with us in the last couple months. We have slacked…we know, but 2010 is OUR year!!! We’re back with a vengeance!

Have a very gay Christmas!

2009-12-22T10:36:00.002-05:00

Winnie: hi hun
Barbie: hey there
Winnie: keeping busy?
Barbie: yep....you know us neurotic types....always keeping busy...even if only with imagined worries...
Winnie: lol...yesssssssssssssss i know
Barbie: I am actually less grinchy today.
Winnie: and that's a good thing?
Barbie: isn't it?
Winnie: but I WANT you to be grinchy along with me!!
Barbie: Well, I'm usually a happy girl....just not usually around Christmas....I have no idea why. I think I just don't like people telling me that I HAVE to be happy and have the best time of the year. Can't take the pressure.
Barbie: wanna see something funny?
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3354flS1KJs&feature=PlayList&p=4FDC8FC0E5BE901A&index=2&playnext=3&playnext_from=PL

Barbie: sadly, I miss the big hair of the 80s

Winnie: lol, oh my...that video is so lame
Barbie: I can tell the chick in the video right now what the problem was between them .....he's gay genius! ha!
Winnie: just like any other relationship....only if we knew then what we know now , lol
Barbie: did you ever love any gay guys?
Barbie: I think they tend to appeal to teenage girls a lot (along with Vampires now apparently)
Winnie: all of them......LOL
Barbie: ha, ha. Don't ALL teenage girls love gay boys ?( I still love my gay boys). They are like girlfriends, but you still get to hang around boys and they don't look at you like they want to eat you with a fork.
Winnie: was never close to any...they were too cool for me
Barbie: what? are you not aware that we used to hang out with some in high school???? (big clue, our mothers let them come to our sleepover parties)
Winnie: ya but they all liked you lol
Barbie: yes, it is true, I am a proud fag hag.
Winnie: yes yes yes
Winnie: see, I tend to attract the losers
Winnie: or bar rats....whatever
Winnie: all the guys that have no chance in hell
Barbie: I'm totally hetero but have a soft spot for gay people (Cindy Lauper eat your heart out)...I think it is the "going for the underdog" thing. Maybe it is because I am a creative type. Except fake lesbians….hate those. You know how I feel about them.
Winnie: Yes, the “hey look boys in the bar…I’m kissing another girl” type lesbians. Lesbians of convenience.
Winnie: Gay power and all that, but I have to say that most of the good straight ones are intimidated by me, lol, go figure
Barbie: well, it takes a big man not to be intimidated by a strong woman.
Winnie: lol yes
Winnie: I was just told the other day that I make guys nervous.
Barbie: Guys SHOULD be nervous around you. They have no idea what they are up against. Snort!
Barbie: Psst….I will tell you a little secret....I know right away how to tell if I guy has a big “you know what”...
Winnie: Do tell!
Barbie: If he laughs at my jokes.....big one.
Barbie: if he doesn't think I am funny, small one.
Winnie: good conclusion
Barbie: I have a feeling that if we post this I will suddenly become VERY funny to a lot of nervous guys.
Winnie: You and me both sista!

Fala la la la la lal......arrrggggggg!!!!

2009-12-17T09:47:00.003-05:00

Winnie: hey chicki!
Barbie: hey chicka!
Winnie: sa va?
Barbie: yes....no complaints.
Winnie: I'm having one of those days...just a crazy crazy morning
Barbie: oh yeah? why?
Winnie: even the dog was hyper
Winnie: just stupid stuff...sick kid...was up all night and of course has a test at school today
Winnie: my father made all this noise in the shower ( i think he dropped ALL the shampoo bottles) woke everyone up
Winnie: my mom ran into the bathroom, thinking my dad had fell...started freaking out, she started crying
Winnie: the furnace stopped working (its new, was just installed last week) and my dad was checking it and decided to use a Rubbermaid bin as a step stool
Winnie: .....or course you can just image the sound he made when his foot came crashing through it. Not to worry, it was only full of dog food....that is now all over the basement floor.
Winnie: Oh and did i mention the dog was hyper???
Winnie: ....it just went on and on
Winnie: not enough coffee in the world today!
Barbie: LOL!! Christmas with the Griswold's!
Winnie: YUPPERS...
Winnie: oh...and the dog broke her rope and ran away
Barbie: she's gone???
Winnie: she came back....of course. She's a chicken. God forbid she spends more than 3 minutes away from me
Barbie: lol
Winnie: she might just climb on the counter, swoop all the paper and pens off and chew the crap out of a gel pen on the beige carpet
Winnie: ...cuz that would just be crazy
Winnie: am I ranting?????????
Barbie: lil bit....but I can understand. My family is coming next week so I'll be doing much of the same, I suspect. ha
Barbie: This morning my 5 year old told me he hated me and that I ruined his day....sigh.
Winnie: what did you do to that poor helpless child?
Barbie: he was scrapping with his sister on who got the middle seat in the van and it was her turn and he had a melt down and I didn't give in. So he got mad and threw his hallowe'en bucket at me and I did the whole "pick it up on the count of three or no Christmas specials for you tonight which further infuriated him"
Barbie: So he went and sat in his seat but let me know that he hated me just to get a little dig in....ah.....merry christmas.
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhh the jolly joys......
Barbie: "Tis the season to be stressed and cranky...falalalal"

Brrrrrrr...who's got the booze?

2009-12-11T09:45:00.003-05:00

Winnie: good morning
Barbie: hey there
Winnie: the weekend is almost here ;)
Winnie: yeaaaaaaaa
Barbie: yeeha!!!!!
Winnie: so we both should have a blast?????
Barbie: I would think so....after the past week, I will say it is a safe bet that cocktails are on the agenda.
Winnie: lots and lots of cocktails lol
Winnie: my young son turns 19 this weekend....crazy...where did the time go?
Barbie: it goes so fast.
Winnie: the worse....he seams to have his life in check more than I do lol
Barbie: oh...it goes in cycles. Nobody has it together 100% of the time, lol
Winnie: thanks for making me feel better...
Winnie: how's your Christmas shopping coming?
Barbie: almost all done.
Barbie: the kids are the hardest and they are done
Winnie: wow, where did you find the time?
Barbie: I just made a list, took my tail to toys r us one day and got the whole dang thing done.
Winnie: i should have know you were so organized lol
Winnie: i've been out a couple times and walk away with nothing....frigggg
Barbie: I hate Christmas shopping so I make it as quick as possible....like a band aid, lol
Winnie: i usually like it, but this year i'm having a hard time deciding on anything
Barbie: well little kids are easy...older kids and men are hard...lol
Winnie: not having trouble with the older kids...they make it easy...CASH!!! IPOD and a LAPTOP...lol How easy is that?
Winnie: now all i have to do is win the lottery
Barbie: my kids said "surprises".....you don't get easier than that
Winnie: its the smaller kids i dont know
Barbie: then my little boy asked me last night if he could have a an hourglass timer lol
Winnie: interesting
Winnie: one year Skater boy asked for a Nutcracker, how could Santa resist
Barbie: OH MY GOSH!! my little guy asked for a nutcracker last year!!!!
Barbie: hey...check this out...
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x768VAsOQSw
Barbie: We Canadians ARE crazy...
Barbie: have you ever been ice fishing??
Winnie: LOL, crazy for sure...and NO WAY you'd ever catch me ice fishing....
Winnie: I get cold walking from my car to the mall
Barbie: The people at the kid's bus stop were laughing at me the other day cuz it was -7 and I had on my head to toe gear. I don't enjoy being cold!!
Barbie: I would never do ice fishing FOR FUN!?
Barbie: maybe instead of jail time but not on purpose for recreation!!
Winnie: CHEERS to that!!!!!!
Barbie: although I must say that I used to enjoy watching the stupid snowmobilers fall through the ice in the winter back in the Hole
Winnie: yes, was always entertaining to say the least lol
Winnie: who's got the hot apple cider and rum?
Barbie: see skating outdoors you can talk me into as long as you put Baileys in my hot chocolate
Winnie: if there's booze....you can coax me to almost anything ;)
Barbie: yes, I've heard.
Winnie: shhhhhhhhhhh, don't let the word get around!
Barbie: too late! LMAO!!

Tacky Santa

2009-11-25T10:33:00.002-05:00

Barbie: hey there..
Winnie: hello
Barbie: how are you today?
Winnie: doing good, cant complain about anything except the rain coming lol
Barbie: it has been rainy and foggy here for days on end...I think it is starting to affect my already fragile sanity...ha, ha
Winnie: we haven't had rain yet, just been foggy for a week lol
Barbie: gross....I don't know how people in England and Vancouver live this way all the time!!
Barbie: Plus it is at the darkest time of the year.....yuck!
Winnie: they wear rose colored glasses and ponchos
Barbie: sounds like a blast....wtf?
Winnie: got to survive !!!1
Barbie: hey...you do what you can...lol
Winnie: did you take the kids to a xmas parade yet? oh wait..."Holiday Parade"?
Barbie: no...it was gross and raining....not my idea of a good time. Plus I am a Christmas Grinch in case you have forgotten. I do everything at Christmas for my kids...otherwise I would skip it all and go to the Bahamas.
Winnie: i like the decorations and parties, that's it lol
Winnie: now that my kids are grown, its just not the same anymore
Barbie: I like the nostalgia of it I guess and the food but I hate the consumerism for it's own sake and sorry, but women take the brunt of the work around Christmas.
Winnie: i agree....so much for holidays lol
Winnie: i think this year i would much rather be somewhere warm too....something to be grateful for lol
Barbie: ya....the holidays just tends to be something I "get through". It is really stressful.
Barbie: I used to like it as a kid when all you had to do was sit back and enjoy. It must also be enjoyable for men who for the most part get to do the same thing (besides buying the required gifts).
Barbie: Let's see....you have all the family to buy for, kids, stockings, friends (ps- you are not getting a present), teachers, blah, blah....decorations to put up, cookies to bake, meals to plan.....I could live without it frankly.
Winnie: i still enjoy those things, its just the financial stress that gets to me....and allot of others too. The spirit of the holidays is often lost because of that.
Barbie: I think I was born without the "cooking/scrapbooking" gene.
Winnie: i only like to bake during the holidays....i love the decorations and music, somehow it makes me feel good
Barbie: I like to do those things when I have time but when you work full time and have two young children, it is all so rushed and forced!!
Winnie: but then,the gift buying, running around and having to see people you've been avoiding all year....bummes me out lol
Barbie: ya...I hate gift buying. I would skip the gifts part altogether if I didn't have kids. That's why I like Thanksgiving....all the good food and friends, but minus the gifts, the over hype and the overboard decorations.
Winnie: maybe we should move to the middle east....never have to see a plastic lit up Santa and reindeer again
Barbie: ohhh....but if you think the women there don't tow the line for their celebrations you are delirious...lol
Winnie: but does it involve tacky decorations???????
Barbie: not nearly as tacky as ours.

A boring Blog

2009-11-16T10:36:00.002-05:00

Winnie: hey...got your voice back?
Barbie: marginally..
Barbie: but now I have a fantastic cough to go with it.
Winnie: ohhh sucks
Barbie: I can't complain, it is the first time I have been sick all year. I so rarely get sick.
Winnie: still....no fun
Barbie: hopefully it will be done soon.
Winnie: rest ;)
Barbie: YA....OK. THAT'S funny!
Winnie: lol
Barbie: single mom. rest. hahahahahaha
Winnie: single mom? why I'm sure their father would be HAPPY to lend a hand lol
Barbie: for a price...lol
Barbie: isn't there always a price?
Winnie: always.....
Barbie: so...we have had complaints that our blog is boring lately...
Winnie: ya i know
Barbie: so I guess you should go ahead and take that pole dancing class so we have something entertaining to talk about.
Barbie: I'm very sorry that the drudgery of our lives just isn't cutter the muster...lol
Winnie: entertaining??? lots of entertaining stuff going already, just not sure if its blog worthy
Barbie: that's the thing.
Winnie: anyone care that my son ended up with a BAD tooth ache and a pulled groin muscle withing 24 hrs...and that now i have to drive an hour for an emergency dentist appt with a limping complaining teenager...????? I doubt it lol
Barbie: I know. Somehow if we had our own reality series people would say our lives are very dramatic but some things we can't write about...
Winnie: and that i searched frantically this morning for my purse and then had the horrible fear that i had left it in bf's car which is an hour away on a hoist at a garage?...
Winnie: i think not!!!!
Barbie: how about my very boring weekend...NOT!
Barbie: driving 5 hours to realize that I am sick. Then taking out PC with my cold as well....only to end up with two sickos (and not in a good way) laying around all weekend.
Winnie: here's something exciting.....i started my Christmas shopping LOL....
Winnie: this should get everyone talking!
Winnie: OH....and i lost a button on my new jeans!
Barbie: There you go. This is life and we write about our lives.
Barbie: Although I must say that there was a very interesting drunken man at the Hut on Friday.
Winnie: and i missed it...
Barbie: He sat there yelling to himself for an hour or two....we all made bets on when the doorman was going to kick him out.
Barbie: When he was finally asked to leave, he came over and made a dramatic plea to stay....unfortunately he was completely incomprehensible and so we all just burst out laughing and gave him a round of applause.
Winnie: someone I know? lol
Barbie: not unless you know many 65 year old toothless men.
Barbie: ....and you might...hahahaha
Winnie: well i might, i do work there
Barbie: and for a grand finally, he did his best ninja routine on the way out.
Winnie: priceless......
Barbie: band-shmand....HE was the entertainment.

The Status Challenge

2009-11-09T10:05:00.003-05:00

Winnie: good morning
Barbie: good morning!
Winnie: how was your evening?
Barbie: pretty uneventful....one could almost say boring
Winnie: nice i guess lol
Barbie: well, I'll take it over drama
Winnie: better than turmoil
Barbie: ya...there isn't anything "wrong" per se...just nothing very exciting or dramatic or excessively gleeful
Barbie: not a bad thing, just not pure entertainment
Winnie: we sure are suckers for drama lol
Winnie: we're complaining that there is nothing wrong....what's wrong with that??
Barbie: I AM NOT COMPLAINING DUDE...let's get this straight...I am perfectly happy to choose my own excitement!
Winnie: lol ok
Barbie: preferably in the form of a lottery win of some sort
Winnie: I'm working on that one
Barbie: me too. It's bound to happen soon. I'm worthy of it.
Winnie: yes you are my friend
Winnie: and i am worthy of at least half a million for being your friend
Barbie: lol not to worry....I'll take care of my friends when I am a multi multi millionaire.
Winnie: good :)
Barbie: the same goes for you!!
Barbie: In fact, all I want is my house paid off.
Winnie: all i want is A house, lol
Barbie: well, in my case, that also may be the case soon...ha, ha
Barbie: So....can I challenge our readers for a moment?
Winnie: a challenge on a monday morning??? wow you're tough
Barbie: I am asking them to come up with witty status' on facebook. The ol' "Glen is eating an apple." is dragging the fun out of facebook down!!
Barbie: I'm asking our readers to stir up trouble, cause some controversy, be original, think outside the box. Or, if you are going to be lame, and least let it be the MOST lame. (Can I say that my friend Pebbles won this one with the "Pebbles just turned the light out in the garage". An eternal winner in my books.)
Winnie: so you mean you DON'T want me talking about taking my dog for a walk?
Barbie: no.
Winnie: hmmmm, take all the fun out of it will ya!
Barbie: If your dog ate someones cat along the way, well that's a different story.
Winnie: nice........then i may have some angry neighbours who have something to talk about on THEIR status
Winnie: I have a good one.......
Barbie: what?
Winnie: and give it away?
Barbie: ahh....that's better...I checked your status...much more interesting!
Winnie: now i just have to tell the world how STUPID i am lol
Barbie: well at least it's more interesting!

Hey there Sugar!

2009-11-03T09:54:00.005-05:00

Winnie: hi ya
Barbie: well howdy there!
Winnie: filled up on candy yet?
Barbie: what do you think??
Barbie: You know I have candy issues, lol
Winnie: yes, i heard that somewhere.
Barbie: I may be the only person you know who has eaten an entire gingerbread house.....in one night!! (insulin here I come)
Winnie: well it was a chaser for vodka, so you're allowed
Winnie: it's in the rule book
Barbie: I'm still waiting for my metabolism to give up....then I'm screwed.
Winnie: well mine has already, so you can't be too far behind
Barbie: great....oh the joys of aging.
Winnie: PLEASE don't say THAT word?
Winnie: i like to think that reality is just something the Pharmaceutical companies made up
Barbie: what? Joy? don't be such a stick in the mud
Winnie: i mean the "A.G.E" word
Barbie: bah...to be honest, I don't care that much (today)...ha, ha
Winnie: that's because you're high on sucrose....just wait
Barbie: technically if I keep eating candy, I never have to come down...NEVER!!!!!
Winnie: neither will the scale
Barbie: It isn't a problem, I can stop any time, I just don't want to.
Barbie: I mean, I have seen people who eat waaaay more candy than I do, THEY have the problem, not me.
Winnie: that's because there is less candy left for you....
Barbie: My life is still under control, I mean, it isn't like I'm holding up convenience stores for a Big Turk or anything....
Barbie: yet.
Winnie: well you should be good until after Easter anyway....
Barbie: ya...I mean, keep things in perspective, I'm only on a sugar high from Hallowe'en until Easter.
Winnie: it's controlled substance abuse
Winnie: i like it!
Barbie: I'm what you call a functional sugarholic.
Barbie: See at the Halloween party most people were doing shots and I was popping gummy spiders.
Winnie: and you wonder why you have strange friends
Barbie: excuse me? I prefer non traditionally interesting.
Winnie: "Oh there's the German Girl...look at her take down those candies...wow!"
Barbie: I have plenty of normal friends....as long as they are candy enablers.
Winnie: "Ya she's a hoot...just don't invite her to your kid's birthday parties"
Barbie: listen, a girl needs her vices....otherwise I would be intolerable...too much to look up to!
Winnie: I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it
Winnie: I just wouldn't want to be compared to the Blueberry Girl from Willy Wonka
Winnie: but if you don't mind it....
Barbie: well, like I say, there isn't anything in life that can't be made better with a little bit of sugar.....
Barbie: except Diabetes.

Fear or Beer?

2009-10-29T10:15:00.003-04:00

Winnie: good morning
Barbie: good morning sunshine!
Winnie: that's me!!!!!
Winnie: the sunshine of every one's life!!!
Barbie: lol
Barbie: well, nobody can say you lack self confidence!
Winnie: im sure we could some people who would disagree with me though
Barbie: doubtful
Winnie: self confidence is my Super Power!
Barbie: So how are things in the Hole? Still mass hysteria?
Winnie: Yupppp...now I have a sick son
Barbie: which one?
Winnie: actually both
Barbie: so now they can't get the shot anyway, so you can put off that decision...
Winnie: college boy has a cold, saw him last night and feeling run down
Winnie: skater boy has a terrible headache, body ache and heavy chest...no fever of cough just yet, crossing my fingers
Barbie: yuck. the flu sucks.
Winnie: it sure does, now add FEAR into the symptoms and its even worse
Barbie: yes. of course. Fear taxes the immune system.
Winnie: something like that
Barbie: so he is at home today then?
Winnie: yup, let him sleep before he ends up with a fever
Barbie: sleep is soooo good!!
Winnie: nothing else i can do for him now
Barbie: nope. just tlc, lots of fluids and rest
Winnie: How is the center today?
Barbie: like yesterday....less and less people are coming and the ones who are here are in a mad panic.
Winnie: start handing out Valium with the hand sanitizers
Barbie: lol
Barbie: If I was a doctor I would be prescribing a shot of whiskey and a mental health day for everyone!! (including me, lol)
Winnie: hey that sounds like a good plan to me....although everyday is a mental health day for me lol
Barbie: lol!
Winnie: and I prefer Brandy
Barbie: I'm just thinking the alcohol is the important component.
Barbie: But I do think this...whatever your choices and practices...it always helps to have calm around them.
Winnie: i agree...there is nothing more that we can do
Barbie: again with the "give in to the river of life....paddling upstream gets you nowhere"....how many times are we (you and I) going to be presented with this lesson before we finally get it??
Winnie: until we drown?
Barbie: well, if you let yourself go with the flow you eventually bob to the top and you won't drown.
Barbie: But MAN is that a tough one!!!!
Winnie: OK...enough talk about that....
Winnie: do you have your costume for the weekend?
Barbie: yep. I am wearing my German outfit so I am going as a beer wench, lol
Winnie: glad you will be yourself lol
Barbie: you are pretty brave when you are out of reach.

Flu or Fly?

2009-10-22T13:22:00.003-04:00

Winnie: hi friend!

Barbie: Hi girl!

Winnie: is it sunny today?

Barbie: nope...but I am in a slightly more sunny frame of mind

Winnie: good

Winnie: funny what NeoCitrin can do

Barbie: lol....at least I got a good night's sleep

Winnie: well you needed it

Barbie: yes

Winnie: shit i just over creamed my coffee...hmmm guess its cafe au half and half for me today lol

Barbie: lol, Starbucks eat your heart out

Winnie: guess ill have to get my fix with something else

Barbie: so. everyone around here is all a twitter about the flu vaccine...

Winnie: i dont get it...flu is the flu....

Winnie: i would not put that stuff in my system on purpose

Barbie: yep. media and pharmaceutical companies like to scare people

Barbie: I have worked with germy kids for years and years and have only gotten the true flu once and never gotten a flu shot.

Winnie: me either...lol....maybe we shouldnt say that out loud

Barbie: why? it isn't against the law...lol. Want to prevent the flu? Wash your hands consistently, get lots of rest and keep your stress under control.

Winnie: i mean we shouldn't jinx it

Barbie: well, I'm not interested in getting the flu, especially, but i take it as a sign that your body needs a rest plus it builds up your immunity, being exposed to viruses.

Winnie: and this public service announcement has been brought to you by.....

Barbie: well, if it was a public service announcement it would be saying "get vaccinated"

Winnie: yes it would, i agree

Barbie: I get why the govt. wants people to get vaccinated. Because if everyone got the flu at the same time, it would bring society to its knees but it would be nice if they did more on other preventative measures too.

Winnie: make work project...love it

Barbie: yesterday I watched Oprah and they were visiting different places in the world. I want to move to Denmark. I think I was born in the wrong place. It seems like I would fit right in there...lol

Winnie: lol....and you complain now about a long distance relationship??

Barbie: lol....just kidding. But their society is freaking awesome!

Winnie: how's that?

Barbie: well...it is a free society but most people make generally around the same amount of money, so you don't focus your career on money but rather on your interests.

Barbie: All health care and all that is free

Winnie: so far so good...where do i sign up?

Barbie: plus they are minimalists....they are not into big houses, big consumers.

Barbie: They get tons of holidays and everyone quits work at 4 to go and eat with their families.Winnie: what about big....???? oh forget it

Barbie: lol

Barbie: but not to worry, I love Canada. I'm not leaving.

Winnie: well you ARE living in the Center of the Universe, why would you want to leave? :)

Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWQf13B8epw

Regards from the Over 30 Crowd!

2009-10-14T10:18:00.003-04:00

Winnie: good morning sunshine!

Barbie: mornin!

Winnie: how are you on this nice crisp day?

Barbie: besides chilly? lol, well, ok. It is always hard to go back to the ol' grind after a nice weekend of friends, family and good grub.

Winnie: im starting to be happy that i dont have a 9 to 5 job...where would I find the time...

Winnie: i think Im still full from last weekend and SICK of baking and cooking. My son in college is happy, he went home with more food then I have left in my fridge

Barbie: You sure did Martha Stewart proud this last weekend. I of course did some elite eating myself..

Winnie: It was a nice weekend, was great to spend some time with you and the kids

Barbie: Thanks for hanging with us! I know the playgrounds were amazingly exciting for you...lol

Winnie: it was the most exciting part ;)

Barbie: that doesn't say much for your weekend girl...lol

Winnie: no it doesn't LOL..but next weekend...look out!!! mama is on a road trip!!!

Barbie: lol....just to let you know....I REFUSE to go to that adult club. NEVER AGAIN....felt like I was on "Keys to the VIP"

Winnie: fine, but you better take me out somewhere fun...no PG 13 for me this weekend...lol

Winnie: Its bad enough i will be stuck in a hotel with a bunch of 15 yr olds

Barbie: well, where do you want to go?

Winnie: somewhere that i dont feel like a chaperon

Barbie: that is hard to do!! lol

Barbie: all the places except pubs the kids are so young..

Winnie: help me out here hunny....lol

Winnie: then pub it is I guess

Barbie: I like the crowd at the hut. Mixed ages. More people to talk to.

Winnie: that's cuz you know everyone, not too difficult to be social my dear....got to mix it up a bit!!

Barbie: I know...but it is HARD meeting new pals in a new city. Everyone I know (except Pebbles and Doodlebug) are married and stay with their families on the weekends!!

Barbie: I need you to move here....lol

Barbie: then we will have enough to form a posse.

Barbie: a girl needs a posse you know!

Winnie: Sure, sounds good...I'll get working on that

Winnie: You'll have to share your bedroom with me though

Barbie: I know that it isn't only the women finding the clubs young....our old friend lambchop mentioned the same thing this weekend.

Barbie: maybe it is time to post this:

Barbie: THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!! If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... barefoot...BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how we rolled, dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... forever!And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,The Over 30 Crowd

Winnie: Geeeeee thanks for making me feel old. Just what i needed today!!

Barbie: I don't like to call myself old. I prefer "retro chic"

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-10-09T14:38:00.003-04:00

We Just want to take the opportunity to wish all our Family, Friends and Followers a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving. May you all be as blessed as we are.

More Than A Day

As Thanksgiving Day rolls around,It brings up some facts, quite profound.We may think that we're poor,Feel like bums, insecure,But in truth, our riches astound.
We have friends and family we love;We have guidance from heaven above.We have so much more than they sell in a store,We're wealthy, when push comes to shove.
So add up your blessings, I say;Make Thanksgiving last more than a day.Enjoy what you've got;Realize it's a lot,And you'll make all your cares go away.

By Karl Fuchs

How to win the Best Husband Mug!

2009-10-06T09:44:00.004-04:00

Barbie: so..."Two Hands Full" has requested that we make a "How to be a Good Husband List" because clearly the "How to be a Good Boyfriend List" was written by a 15 year old girl who has watched "Say Anything" too many times.

Winnie: and she's asking 2 divorced gals to do that?

Barbie: Well, I never said it would be pretty, lol

Winnie: i don't even know where to start

#1 - BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND

Barbie: Good point, otherwise you will never get to husband status anyway...

#2- Ask her how her day was (this is an important one) and look interested in her answer. Here is a bonus tip: ask a clarifying question to let her know you were actually listening.

Winnie: Hope the men out there are writing this down...lol

#3- Never stop kissing your wife. You can NEVER underestimate how important it is to give your wife kisses, hugs and kind words EVEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT IN BED OR WANTING SEX.

Winnie: Do they ever NOT want sex?

#4- Share the household chores. Your most important duty would be the one that she HATES the most...(even if it's the only one you do...trust me, it helps)

Barbie: I don't think guys have ANY idea how important this one is. There is NOTHING women hate more than feeling like they are a maid. BIG TURNOFF!!

#5- Don't think that children are her responsibility. You donated to the bank that made these children, they are exactly as much YOUR responsibility as they are hers. AND ps- women get turned on by men who love and care for their children.

#6- Love her friends...take the initiative to invite them over for casual dinners, game night and oh......"girls nights" (just don't forget to get and prepare everything they will need BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE)

#7- Take care of her when she's sick and don't make her feel guilty for you having to get up with the kids, get them off to school and making sure dinner will be served (a somewhat healthy one please) Women loved to be nurtured and cared for. But do it out of the goodness of your own heart and don't make her feel like she owes you.

#8- Never stop playing. Be silly, tell jokes, laugh, wrestle. These things remind us of why we fell in love with the person in the first place.

#9- Treat her as well as you would treat any friend. There is a minimum level of respect that married couples should give each other. You would never criticize your friends in a harsh way. Give them the silent treatment, be mean. Think of it this way: If it wouldn't fly with your buddies, then your wife AIN'T gonna love it either!

Winnie: and one final one....

#10 - Love her family....even if you don't like them. They are a part of HER...when you talk bad about them, you are talking bad about her. Even if she bad mouths them, she will not tolerate anyone else doing so. Especially YOU!

Barbie: Hmmm....those are all good ones

Winnie: Guess we should have made this list years ago...lol

Winnie: oh and BONUS #1......WE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!!

Barbie: LOL, I KNOW I am not always right, but it IS a bonus when you tell me nicely that I'm not right.

Winnie: don't ruin for me, please!

Barbie: Ok, you are always right ......in your own mind. lol

Winnie: Maybe WE should get married! LOL

Barbie: listen sista, even if someone met every. single. criteria on this list....I would STILL think twice about getting married. I LOVE having the whole bed to myself. giggle.

Winnie: we have guest bedrooms for that!

Best Boyfriend Award goes to.....

2009-10-03T09:14:00.007-04:00

To all the Boyfriends or wanna-be boyfriends out there, here's how to win us over. Read and study well....

1-When she pulls away, pull her back

2-When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful

3-When you see her start crying, just hold her and don't say a word

4-When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind

5-When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh

6-When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold

7-When she says "want me to call you back?", don’t let her hang up

8-Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.

9-When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let her go

10-Stay up with her when she's sick.

11-Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid :)

12-Let her wear your clothes

13-Don't ditch her
14-Tell her how you feel when she asks

15-Remind her every day how much she matters to you

16-Text her right when she wakes up

17-Call her every day, she'll never get annoyed by it

18-Surprise her

19-Kiss her in the pouring rain

20-When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is;” Whose ass am I kicking baby?"

Come on ladies, we'd love to hear your stories!

Lovers of The World

2009-10-02T09:30:00.007-04:00

Barbie: Alright. Helmut Head wants us to bring up this recent survey:

http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/family-relationships/blog/lifestylists/3615/the-world-s-best-and-worst-lovers

Winnie: ya i read it....and like the others, I'm wondering WHO slept with all these men?

Barbie: You didn't read it then! It said it surveyed women from each country on their likes and dislikes about their men and accumulated the findings. So for instance a lot of Russian women found Russian Men too hairy....lol

Winnie: yes the first part of the survey was about their traits...but the second part was about who had the BEST lovers

Winnie: how do you compare unless you've slept with more than ONE man from each country Winnie: Honest...I've only slept with Canadian men...and trust me....there has been some good as well as some not so good. I don't get it

Barbie: Unless some countries have a "how to please a woman 101" class that they take in high school I'm thinking there are good and bad everywhere.

Winnie: that's the point!!!!!!!

Winnie: I would bet on it that not all Spanish men are good in bed....and some may be hairier than the other

Barbie: for sure....

Barbie: but I bet there are a lot of Spanish men going...come on, give us a try...ha, ha

Winnie: so....the survey says......"Someone wasted their time making this stupid survey"

Barbie: does it say "brought to you by the Spanish tourism agency" at the bottom? lol

Winnie: Wait...I'll go check!!!! LOL

Barbie: ok, new topic...

Winnie: so, want to go to Madrid for a visit??????????

Barbie: lol!!!

Barbie: last night I watched my pvr'd episode of GLEE. Have you been watching that show??Winnie: i caught a bit of it he other night, it reminded me of The Office...not so funny most of the time

Winnie: I'm not such a fan of slapstick comedy

Barbie: no way....I totally disagree...I think it is great and I have to say that this week's episode was AMAZING. Kristin Chenowith's version of ALONE was sooo freaking good it almost brought me to tears...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2ZXMkxjIm4

Barbie: Whoever chooses the songs they sing must have access to the ipod list of my brain....clearly a child of the 80s

Winnie: ok, the singing is good...

Barbie: or how about this one: Don't Stop Believing....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUZwdbeS2mM

Barbie: Plus the guy who plays the teacher is pretty cute...

Winnie: see....just made my browser freeze...what does that tell you????

Barbie: so good it will blow your mind and electronics?

Winnie: hunny.......will take LOTS MORE than that to blow MY mind!!!!!! ;)

Barbie: are you sure about that? lol

Winnie: absolutely!!!!

Here's the Encore: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNdght8qDQg&feature=PlayList&p=3B7FEEF4750C5179&index=4

The Man Rules

2009-09-29T15:30:00.005-04:00

Finally, the guys' side of the story.( I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear " the rules"From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials...
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Anonymous

Cougar Wagon!

2009-09-24T13:51:00.006-04:00

Winnie: hey there

Barbie: hello

Winnie: did you have a trip to the garage?

Barbie: no...but I am asking around. I am in the market for winter tires (since my all season ones are starting to wear and are not good for especially the winter any more)

Barbie: This is one of those rare moments when I feel like it would be nice to have a man in the house.

Barbie: the others are mowing the lawn and shovelling snow...sigh....otherwise I'm pretty good...lol

Winnie: I'm sure you could have a few offers lol

Barbie: Don't think Prince Charming would like that too much...lol

Winnie: then tell him to make sure he's there to shovel

Winnie: ;)

Barbie: He already mowed my lawn and whipper snipped for me once when he came down and that was much appreciated.

Winnie: ahhhhhhhhhhhh what a good guy he is...love ya PC!

Barbie: yep...and the part I like the best about it was that he didn't make a HUGE deal out of it. He did it just to be nice and didn't make me feel like I "owed" him anything.

Barbie: that makes me love him even more.

Winnie: Banking....is what he's doing lol

Barbie: don't scare me. The ex used to mentally bank EVERY single thing he did whether it was for the house or the kids or me and then he would make me feel like I was unappreciative if I didn't fall on my knees and kiss his feet every time he mowed the lawn.

Barbie: What I want....what EVERY person wants is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Not "I'll love you if you do this and this or you say this and this or always agree with me or act this certain way and if you don't....then I will be mean to you"

Winnie: oh I'm kidding...

Winnie: I think PC would be too scared to even bring that up lol

Barbie: Poor guy....bless him for dealing with my baggage...but somehow I don't think he minds that much, lol

Winnie: I don't either

Barbie: luckily he is divorced too otherwise he would think I have lost it...lol

Winnie: Oh Im sure he still thinks you've lost it...he's just having fun helping you "find" it now....lol

Barbie: lol...or that...ha, ha.

Barbie: luckily he has known me since I was nine so I have also had a few "less than demure" moments since then that he has witnessed and yet he is still around...ha, ha

Winnie: that's cuz now you can't hold anything HE does against him

Barbie: hmmm....is THAT his slant? Too bad for him I still call him on his stuff...lol

Winnie: Who knows...and they say women are complicated

Barbie: Doodlebug has suggested I get the gold spinney rims on my van to pimp it out...lol

Barbie: Then I can get the hydraulics too and be the scariest lady in my neighbourhood.

Winnie: oh oh...dont forget the blue lights under the bumper!!!!!

Barbie: I was thinking purple myself.

Barbie: ...and I think I'll get "cougar wagon" airbrushed on the side...what do you think?

Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

That's some Male Bonding!!!

2009-09-21T11:15:00.007-04:00

Barbie: Hey there....long time no see. lol

Winnie: Oh I missed you soooooooo....lol

Barbie: So I see you made it home from my house alive then?

Winnie: well, had to stop and do some shopping first

Barbie: was it successful retail therapy?

Winnie: the guys did more shopping than i did

Winnie: i think i may have met my match

Barbie: DaddyOhh is a shopper...huh?

Winnie: He and Skater boy had some fun. I felt a bit left out...pretty sad actually

Barbie: lol...male bonding. That's good, I guess. ha

Winnie: Between the sports stores, skate shops, women watching and burger feasts...i couldn't compete lOL

Barbie: I could have given them a run for their money on the burger feast, but the other stuff they would be pretty much on their own...

Winnie: i had a great weekend, thank you again for you hospitality

Barbie: HOLY COW I was soooo tired yesterday (thanks to you, daddyOhh and my friend Pebbles.

Winnie: on our way home yesterday we even got to salute the Canadian soldier that was coming home on the Highway of Heroes

Barbie: oh, how sad.

Winnie: It was....makes you stop and think

Barbie: Was that the young man who "doubted the mission" in the first place?

Winnie: bless our soldiers and their families for sure

Barbie: I can't imagine how hard life is for a soldier's family.

Barbie: As a single mom, I sometimes get a break when the kids are with their Father. Army families do not get a break when their soldiers are gone. That is tough.

Barbie: Would be nice if there weren't any wars. I think it was Robin Williams who said "If women ran the world, there would be no more wars....just INTENSE negotiations once a month."

Winnie: speaking of women and war....we had fun watching UFC saturday night...I cant believe i watched and encouraged that....

Barbie: no kidding. I am the LAST person you would think would have fun watching UFC.

Barbie: But to be honest, it was Pebbles running commentary that made it so good.

Winnie: she is fun...lol Poor Daddyohh, he was feeling the pain of those guys who were sitting next to us. It must have taken those boys so much restrain not to tell us to F*%# OFF while we were commenting on the fights

Barbie: especially the comments we were making, lol

Barbie: They probably all escaped all their wives and girlfriends for a little male bonding time and ended up sitting next to us.

Barbie: Only to get exactly the same thing they would get at home, ha, ha

Winnie: no pity :)

Barbie: that's true. We had every right to drink beer and eat nachos right along side of them.

Barbie: girl power!

Older women rock!

2009-09-17T13:16:00.004-04:00

Hey all!
Today I came across this list on the internet. Some young gentleman out there decided to write a top ten list on why younger women suck. I thought it was quite amusing and added my two cents to it:

1. They never live alone- Barbie: This is true! Young women never live alone. They are too scared. Older women, on the other hand ADORE having time and space to themselves!

2. They act like they “might” go somewhere. Barbie: The young man here was pointing out that young women are vague so as to seem mysterious. “I might show up at the bar, concert, event, etc.” This leaves the man running in circles. Older women don’t tend to play as many games. You will be more likely to hear “Be at my house at 8” or “nope, I’m staying in for a bubble bath tonight”.

3. They blame shit on their friends. Barbie: Well, there is just a lot of friends’ drama at this age, period. Older women tend not to have as much time or need for the drama.

4. They look down on all guys for hitting on them Barbie: I’d say you are pretty safe in assuming that most older women do not look down on men for hitting on them. Having said that, be prepared to be toyed with if you don’t have your game down to a science.

5. They think every man is trying to sleep with them. Barbie: Older women KNOW every man is trying to sleep with them. lol

6. They don’t pay for shit. Barbie: Well….it depends on the circumstance. I think younger men are just very upset about this one because they tend to be broke.

7. They aren’t particularly good in bed. Barbie: Don’t blame young girls too much for this one. All they know about sex is what their teen boyfriends have told them about from porn. Silly girls! (PS- Young men on the other hand don’t tend to know what they are doing either)

8. They can’t handle their liquor Barbie: no comment, lol

9. They have no direction in life Barbie: This is true. As opposed to their very driven couch potato, video game playing male counterparts….ah…burn.

10. They have no story Barbie: True. They have not had time to have an interesting life but trust me when I say that older women definitely have a story! They also have purpose in life (besides trying to impress boys).

And in defence of my young female friends (hey, we were all there at one point, although I don’t recommend dating one unless you have a serious need for drama)…Young men: “ you also still have much, much to learn grasshopper”

WHAT DO YOU THINK???

I Want to Be Rich and Famous?

2009-09-14T10:58:00.005-04:00

Winnie: So...another week chalked up to crap!
Barbie: Yes...it was a very tough week for both of us. But I figure we will hit rock bottom and there is no way to go from there but up!
Winnie: That's what I keep telling myself
Barbie: I have also decided that since I skipped my whole rebellious phase in highschool, I am gonna have a do over now..lol
Winnie: watch out now...

Winnie: but delayed gratifications is sweet

Barbie: watch out about what?

Winnie: to whomever you are going to rebel against...

Winnie: dont want to give anyone heads up so lets leave it at that

Barbie: just a general rebellion (when I don't have my kids of course, I will remain MS. Responsibility with them)

Winnie: well that is good to know lol

Winnie: this crap of yours of "the universe is conspiring for my greatest good" is not working so much...its more like "the universe is conspiring for my trip to the loonie bin"

Barbie: right now....but trust me when I say that EVERYTHING bad in my life, no matter how much HELL it was while I was going through it, has somehow made me a better person and has given me opportunities.

Barbie: It is just so hard to remember when you are up to your eyeballs in the worst time of your life.

Winnie: ya ya...i know. It just never seams to end though. We'll get through it, dont have a choice, I dont have anywhere else to go LOL

Barbie: There are good things amongst the shitty items...

Barbie: and no matter WHO you are, your life will have its challenges. I think that is the whole point of life. NOBODY has a completely problem free life. We must just be EXCEPTIONAL students at the moment cuz life is giving us a lot of credit with how much we can handle...lol

Winnie: One day we'll be rich and famous and it will be worth it... but then we may be too old to enjoy it LOL

Barbie: I don't care about the famous part, I just want to have enough money to be comfortable and not have to worry about bills and have enough money left over for fun things and a little spoiling.

Barbie: It WILL happen.

Winnie: whatever :)

Barbie: what? you think I don't mean it when I say I don't want to be famous?

Winnie: I want to be famous...so everyone who gave me a hard time will eat my dust

Winnie: just a dream....

Barbie: LOL...You remind me of Kathy Griffin...I saw a clip of her saying that her whole life she used to lay in bed at night, thinking about all the people who snubbed her saying "you'll be sorry when I'm famous, you'll be sorry when I'm famous" lol

Winnie: see.....im not crazy

Winnie: not yet anyways

Barbie: I don't know that someday we will look back on this time and laugh...we will most likely say "wow, that was a tough time, but we made it and look at how much better off we are now!"

Winnie: ya but Ive been saying that for 19 years

Winnie: do i have to wait till im 60 to see the light? I sure hope not, I may not still look this good!

Barbie: I hope not.

Barbie: but hope is all we got baby...

Winnie: and each other xoxoxox

Barbie: THANK GOD for friends!!!!!!

Ladies in d'a House

2009-09-08T10:31:00.002-04:00

Winnie: I miss you already!
Barbie: aw...me too!!!
Barbie: It was such a great weekend!
Barbie: I can't tell you how hard it was to get up this morning...lol!
Winnie: well it would have been harder for me if I hadn't got to bed at 9:30 last night lol
Barbie: me too. It was off to bed early for me last night. Possibly even earlier tonight!
Winnie: hope you have a quiet week at least
Barbie: this week will be jam packed actually. I believe doodlebug and I will be sending our book to the printers and I will be meeting with my friend Beachy to hang tomorrow night.
Winnie: wow...sounds exciting...good luck with all of that
Barbie: It's good for me to have a project like this to work on when I get back from the Hole. Also good to have friends here in my town otherwise I would just be having a pity party and missing my homeys.
Winnie: well its never the same without you here
Barbie: aw....good to know...lol, it feels like you guys have so much fun there without me. I always feel like I'm missing out!
Winnie: naaaa...its never that fun when I have no backup
Barbie: Give it time. Once you settle back into the city, you'll be invited to all the pig roasts and parties. Seems like there is always SOMETHING happening in the Hole.
Winnie: SOMETHING is for sure ...LOL
Barbie: It was fun to hang with Keeya again too. We make a fightin' trio!
Winnie: well she was sure on fire this weekend, workin' it good too
Barbie: yep! had heads turning all over the place, she did
Winnie: I think she gave most men a neck cramp from looking down, is what it was LOL
Barbie: LOL....she certainly does have some assets to flaunt.
Barbie: Well, cheers to you my friend and cheers to the people of the Hole who continue to welcome me with open arms and make every minute I spend there enjoyable!

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup...

2009-09-02T10:45:00.003-04:00

Winnie: Bonjour
Barbie: bonjour
Barbie: how are you today?
Winnie: unemployed :)
Winnie: feels good baby! lol
Barbie: lol
Winnie: how's your day?
Barbie: so far, so good. No complaints.....yet, lol
Winnie: I haven't ranted..yet!
Barbie: go for it!!
Winnie: so...would you like a fly with your butter?
Winnie: free drinks included
Barbie: lol
Barbie: so...you want to say what happened?
Winnie: as not to offend anyone....let’s just say to all service staff out there... if you serve your customers insects, make sure they are on the menu...
Barbie: Can I just rant on your behalf then?
Winnie: you will anyways… lol
Barbie: Everyone makes mistakes at their job. We are ALL human and I can't imagine working for someone who actually expects that you are never allowed to make a mistake. RIDICULOUS!!!
Winnie: what world are you living in????
Barbie: I am saying that IF you live in the HOLE and you have been frequenting a certain restaurant/bar, mid-town. With a patio and wood oven pizza......I would consider not going there anymore. The owner does not treat his employees with compassion and I cannot eat there ever again knowing that.
Winnie: my sweet....you expect too much of people. The world is not as nice as we are
Barbie: I am living in the real world. Every job that I have ever had, if I made a mistake, my boss would gently pull me aside and tell me what I did wrong and how not to do it again.
Barbie: If you got let go every single time you made a mistake the world would be a perpetual merry go round of job seeking!!!!
Winnie: or worse....flies would be on the menu ;)
Barbie: Well, CLEARLY you wanted to put the fly in the food on purpose because you KNOW people tip well when that happens!!!
Barbie: I know you even brought it from home!!
Barbie: lol!
Barbie: hey....weren't you also serving on the patio?? Gee, no insects out there!
Winnie: apparently not
Barbie: Next thing you know, they will be firing staff for WIND getting on people's food on the patio, or a drop of rain getting in someone's drink!!
Winnie: well you know it could be a health hazard!
Winnie: acid rain mixed with europen beer...could make you start speaking with an accent or someting
Barbie: LOL!

Life's Milestones

2009-08-31T11:03:00.004-04:00

Winnie: How was your PG 13 weekend?

Barbie: no complaints. Good bonding time with my kids.

Winnie: so you'll be all rested up for next weekend?

Barbie: yep!

Winnie: gooooooooddddyyyyy

Winnie: I had some weird moments yesterday. I was helping C pack for college

Winnie: we were going through some of his stuff, he found his souvenir box with all his kindergarten art work and report cards....wow

Winnie: was pretty nostalgic since he's old enough now to appreciate it and realized he's starting a new chapter in his life...but you'd be proud of me...i didn't cry

Barbie: aww.....life's milestones.

Winnie: yes it is

Barbie: I bet you never thought you would see the day...

Winnie: for a short time no...but I am very proud of him for sure

Barbie: every year around this time you realize how fast life zings by....the kids, a grade older. It just really makes you stop and think.

Winnie: but why does life seam to stand still for us grown ups....its only during these moments that we get a wake up slap lol

Barbie: I think probably because we don't have the milestones we used to in school. Each grade that goes by makes you realize..wow! I'm a year more advanced, but besides our birthdays and the birth of our children, we don't have as many milestones to count.

Winnie: so true...

Winnie: its ok...i still feel 28 :)

Barbie: funny, I just said that to someone the other day....I really feel like I'm still 28....sometimes younger inside!

Winnie: well my dear you don't look a day over 27, so don't worry about it

Barbie: lol, thanks. I'm not so worried to be honest....

Winnie: well you were the other day when you found THAT grey hair!

Barbie: I'm good with it now...lol

Winnie: ya that's cuz you yanked it out

Winnie: out of sigh...out of mind

Barbie: lol!

Barbie: ya well, I figure that if I only found my first grey hair at my age, I'm doing alright.

Winnie: geeee thanks....i found my first one at 21

Barbie: most people do....but then again my hair is light so it is less noticeable.

Winnie: that's just because you've been in denial. "If I don't look for it, how can I find it?"

Barbie: oh...I've been looking....just hadn't found any up until now...

Barbie: but I'm cool with it.

Barbie: Actually, although I like my hot little bod at 25, I really like my frame of mind more as I get older. I'm more confident and I think that is sexy too...

Winnie: ps....you are sexy baby!! (wink wink)

Barbie: lol, thanks!

Winnie: anytime

Barbie: If I would have my body in my early twenties with my confidence in my thirties....uh, oh...look out. lol

Winnie: poor men, you didn't make them suffer enough in high school lol

Barbie: ha, ha...what?...lol, ok, I did a little.

10 Signs it's time for Divorce

2009-08-28T11:44:00.005-04:00

Barbie: So....I was watching a talk show the other day and there was a woman wondering if she should divorce her cheating husband....
Winnie: ok....
Barbie: I thought it might be helpful if we put up 10 signs that you are probably headed for a divorce...

1- if you hear the phone ringing and skip merrily to it, hoping that there has been a terrible accident....that is probably not so good.

2- if you spend many morning showers having imaginary fights with your spouse, shouting all the things you REALLY want to say to them in your head...again....not headed in the right direction.

3- You are hoping he starts an extramarital affair just so he stops bugging you for sex. Probably, the D-word is just a matter of time.

4- If your bedroom antics inspire as much excitement as a tax audit. Bad sign.

5- You find that you cannot stand listening to his/her same jokes and stories in front of company. While he/she is talking, you run an internal monologue saying "OMG. This story again. If I have to fake laugh at this story one more time I'm gonna slit my wrists."

6- You used to be so supportive of their bad days. You used to spend hours boosting their ego and consoling them. Now you just say "sucks to be you". Probably not a relationship that is gonna be saved.

7- You used to actually consider his/her opinion. You would run through your head "maybe he is right, maybe going to church IS selfish, and I SHOULD stay home and make him breakfast". Now you just go to church and pray that he has a head injury, changing his entire personality. Not a keeper.

8- Your friends are starting to slip up. They used to smile when your spouse was an obvious ass and say things like "maybe they are just super stressed at work, I'm sure they didn't mean it." But now they are saying stuff like "that shit wouldn't fly in MY house" or "wow, I don't even know what to say". Start packing your bags sweetheart.

9- You will do virtually anything to not have to be in their presence. "Need your driveway shovelled? Let me volunteer!...What's that? you need to clean the grease trap at your restaurant? I LOVE doing that!" Again. Not exactly headed for a second honeymoon.

Finally,

10- If the prospect of being alone for the rest of your natural life sounds like winning the lottery....game over. Time to hire a lawyer.

Winnie: Darn, I knew i shouldn't have written this in my diary....

How to pick up 101

2009-08-26T10:12:00.003-04:00

Winnie: hey sunshine!
Barbie: hello....
Barbie: not much sunshine here today. Another rainy day.
Winnie: same here...yuck!
Winnie: guess I won’t be busy working the patio tonight
Barbie: you hope!
Winnie: I’m still sick…I could use a night off.
Barbie: Oh no...Still eh?
Barbie: did you get any sleep last night?
Winnie: not much, I think I managed to cough up my lungs lol
Barbie: well, at least they won't be bothering you anymore....lol
Winnie: that's what I'm thinking :)
Barbie: ok, so I am obsessed with a new TV show...it is diabolical.
Winnie: so what’d this TV show?....what's TV?
Barbie: ya...pretty much right? I watch TV so rarely these days except when the ex has the kids.
Barbie: It is called "Keys to the VIP"
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u06OQ3xD1nE
Barbie: it basically teaches you how to be a douche bag in a club; step by step....I am absolutely fascinated!
Winnie: oh my...my...my
Barbie: I had no idea that men worked so hard at cheesy come on lines!!
Barbie: It is unbelievable how carefully planned pick ups are....no wonder they need wing men!
Winnie: no wonder there are still single men out there!!!
Barbie: It is even more fascinating for me because coming from a small town, men usually know someone connected to the woman they are trying to hit on so they don't need to come up with an excuse to approach her...but in big cities, apparently you need a fresh excuse...
Barbie: my personal favourite is one episode where they use the (and they actually call it this) "classic" technique of choosing the most beautiful girl and somehow insulting her to get her attention.....I am absolutely shocked that some people think this works!! The guy trying it on the show got shot down so badly it was painful to watch but apparently it continues to be a "classic"...
Barbie: what would you do if a guy walked up to you and insulted you in a bar?
Winnie: not sure I guess....it would depend on a number of things: 1- was I drunk or sober 2- was HE drunk or sober 3- how cute he was and 4- how desperate I was....
Barbie: are. you. serious? I have to say that a guy coming up to me and insulting me would. not. bode. well.
Winnie: LOL, of course not my dear...but lest you forget, I can dish it out pretty good myself. I like a bit of competition. You also have to figure out if the guy is seriously an ass....or a looser watching too much TV LOL
Barbie: The guy on the program came up to the girl and said "why are you wearing so much make up" "you would look better without so much make up"....um. no chance, lol Barbie: I also HATE it when guys do the "smile" thing....I promise you it is not original and girls hate it...
Barbie: Why can’t guys just be nice and genuine…is that too much to ask?
Winnie: see... I would tell him " If you take off yours, I'll take off mine"
Barbie: LOL!
Winnie: and “a smile is only good when it's genuine!”
Winnie: minus the wink LOL
Barbie: see....I think you may be a douchette....capable of lines as cheesy as the guys approaching you!! lol
Winnie: they are not lines my dear...but comebacks....a gal has to hold her own ya know!
Barbie: oh...don't you worry, I can definitely hold my own...ha, ha
Winnie: we'll have to test in out
Barbie: I just like it when people are genuine instead of resorting to fake, cheesy lines...
Winnie: we should plan a night of experimenting of our own
Barbie: experimenting in what way?
Winnie: how to handle douche bags....go out one night and see how many guys we could get to hit on us....and then douche them back!
Barbie: girls don't need pick up lines...basically a good looking girl could walk up to any guy in a bar and say "hi, I'm poor, dumb and possibly have herpes" and the guys would be like "hey, I'm in!!"
Barbie: I will give you 10 bucks to walk up to someone you don't know in a bar and say that and I bet they start talking to you and you pick them up.
Winnie: YOU'RE ON!!!!!
Barbie: God help us.

Birthday Cake or Pie?

2009-08-24T14:30:00.005-04:00

Winnie: happy birthday to you...happy birthday to you....you look like a monkey and you........
Barbie: thank you!
Barbie: i think...
Winnie: with love my dear
Barbie: aw...
Winnie: how's your day?
Barbie: pretty good. Pretty normal.
Winnie: what no strip-o-grams at work today?
Barbie: lol...nope
Winnie: oh yea....you must of got that on the weekend?
Barbie: lol ya (we're not printing this right?)
Winnie: yes we are.....
Barbie: then no. lol
Winnie: ok then, I won’t tell anyone
Barbie: lol
Winnie: well I've just returned to the bachelor’s pad....and found a "rat-in-a-box" on my kitchen table
Barbie: what?
Winnie: i've been away for 5 days and while i was gone, my son decided to buy himself a hamster....and no cage. Soooo its in a box...ON MY KITCHEN TABLE
Barbie: oh. my. god.
Winnie: thank God he's moving out next week...lol...hope he takes that darn thing with him LOL
Barbie: holy cow
Winnie: no cow....a HAMSTER
Barbie: lol...worse!
Winnie: all I can say is hope it doesn't get out
Barbie: yikes no kidding
Winnie: or it's BBQ time !
Barbie: ew!
Winnie: i won’t eat it, I would tell HIM it's chicken lol
Barbie: still ew
Winnie: hehehehehee....
Winnie: so your parents have any plans for you tonight?
Barbie: I think they are making a cake.
Barbie: But it looks like it is chocolate...booo!
Winnie: you don’t like chocolate?
Barbie: not really. My favourite is white cake with white icing or lemon cake with white icing...
Barbie: but I could skip chocolate pretty much altogether...weird eh? Most women love chocolate...
Winnie: I'm not a huge chocolate fan either
Barbie: but I loves me some candy....oooooeeeeee I do have a sweet tooth.
Winnie: I dont...I must be a freak!!!!
Barbie: usually you either have a thing for sweet or salty....sadly, I can go for both...lol
Winnie: guess YOU are the freak!!! lol
Barbie: I never said I wasn't.
Barbie: I heard you got some apple pie this weekend?
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhh yes....mnummmm mnummmmm!!!
Barbie: ...thought you said you didn't have a sweet tooth...
Winnie: not for candy.....but Pie I'll take anytime
Winnie: besides....it was the company that made it so good :)
Barbie: aw...isn't it always the way...
Winnie: hmmmm...well not always lol
Barbie: good food always tastes better in good company...you don't believe that?
Winnie: Oh I know it!
Barbie: although sometimes junk food by yourself is good too...
Barbie: so nobody can see you eat the whole package of twizzlers...lol
Winnie: forget the twizzlers...It's a super size bag of lay's for me!
Barbie: ya...you like your chips...
Winnie: It's my weakness....that and big triceps :)
Barbie: lol. Is that all it takes?

Manopause and Manstruation

2009-08-19T12:31:00.003-04:00

Winnie: bonjour madame
Barbie: bonjour!
Winnie: vous allez bien aujourd'hui?
Barbie: pas mal, pas mal...
Barbie: I found something funny today...
Winnie: Oh, how unusual
Barbie: manstration: definition: When a man is going through his monthly grumpiness.
"You are a boy-bitch right now - are you on your manstration?"
Barbie: let’s discuss: do men have manstration?
Winnie: hmmmmm...i think they just have women!
Barbie: what? you batting for the men today or what?
Barbie: lol
Winnie: no, but im sure if there were no women around,,,they would not bitch at us
Barbie: ah...I see. lol
Winnie: and....WE wouldn't have to hear it LOL
Barbie: well this week I read about male menopause...did you know there was such a thing?
Winnie: is that when they start dating younger women?
Barbie: LMAO! no that is early 20s....
Barbie: it is actually called andropause...sounds very exciting....not!
Barbie: its when the little blue pill may come into play. EEEEEEEK!
Winnie: how can a 20 yr old date younger women?
Barbie: I dated 20 year olds when I was 18...
Barbie: dated an 18 year old when I was 15, etc.
Winnie: Oooooo...how risqué.
Barbie: lol, trust me, there was nothin' risqué about it.
Winnie: so what makes men go into menopause?
Barbie: same thing as women....lack of hormones.
Winnie: LOL, didn’t think THAT was possible
Barbie: tell me about it eh? But apparently they start losing hair, sex drive, start gaining weight, get lethargic and sometimes depressed. Yikes. This sounds bad.
Winnie: sounds like a lot of men I know lol
Barbie: I wonder if there is a direct link with wearing socks and sandals too?
Barbie: A lot of men you know lack sex drive?
Winnie: ok maybe not
Barbie: I was gonna say...
Barbie: lol
Winnie: well don’t
Barbie: ok then.
Barbie: lol
Barbie: dang. why can't we stay 25 forever, just not with the same maturity?
Barbie: And facelifts and botox don't count cuz God knows they aren't fooling anyone...
Winnie: too young...30 is good
Barbie: ya...30 is perfect. Body wise.
Winnie: body....and wise
Barbie: lol. exactly.
Barbie: Wanna be scared silly from ever getting work done?? Check out this website:
Barbie: http://famousplastic.com/category/botox/
Barbie: YIKES!
Barbie: my personal favourite is the "bad plastic surgery" part....hoa nelly!
Barbie: I can't look away...it's like a train wreck. All these beautiful people maiming themselves...
Winnie: yuckkkkkkkkkk
Winnie: I could think of better things to do with my money than sacrifice my body.....well it depends for what
Barbie: I say let's age gracefully....and have fun all the way!!!
Winnie: I’m working on it sista! I’m working on it!!!!

The Hardest Job on Earth

2009-08-18T10:07:00.005-04:00

Winnie: Good morning
Barbie: Hey there!
Winnie: How's the weather?
Barbie: humid and hot
Barbie: you?
Winnie: humid and hot
Barbie: lol
Winnie: I’m tired of people complaining about the heat....WAKE UP PEOPLE…it will be over before you know it. It won’t kill you…well it can, but highly unlikely LOL
Barbie: So....you know, sometimes I forget what it is like in a small town...
Barbie: this weekend I got a text from PC saying that the twins told one of our friends that I said that their basement looked like a barn. LOL!!
Winnie: well does it?
Barbie: No. It is actually nice. I said it looked like a SKI LODGE, not a barn. But clearly things were slow as far as drama goes in the Hole cuz they felt the need to light a bomb, drop it and run. Hope they were amused....I do believe this is war now...
Barbie: And....I'm starting to recall them telling me that they would like to have a threesome with Fun Bobby.
Winnie: Well, didn't they? That's what they told me!
Winnie: heheheheh, i feel like I’m in high school again
Barbie: No. If we were in high school, the twins would be trying to smoke oregano.
Winnie: Don't knock it......
Barbie: OMG. I'm so glad I wasn't your mother when you were a teen.
Winnie: It makes you feel Italian...lol
Barbie: K, I'll take your word for it spaghetti-o
Winnie: Well they do say paybacks are a BIATCH....trust me, I'm getting paid back BIG TIME.... Barbie: why?
Winnie: with my kids...geesshhhh, wake up sista
Barbie: ah yes, but they aren't BAD per se...
Barbie: You were BAD per se...lol
Winnie: We thought we had social pressure...my god I would not want to be a teen these days.
Winnie: In our day, we had to look for trouble....now...it looks for them. They spend their time trying to run from it. Not such an easy thing to do when "Everyone is doing it"
Barbie: hmmm.....everyone was doing lots of stuff when we were young too.
Winnie: oh...wait...and the best....."Well you did it too!"
Winnie: so much for honesty LOL
Barbie: ya but there are reasons why you shouldn't do those things and as an adult you understand them now. Think of all the bad things that COULD have happened to you BAD girls, lol.
Winnie: the problem with that is that it's just about true...and if you think your kids are immune...please think again
Barbie: oh no....I know they will get offered stuff left and right...
Winnie: ok, there are some good, responsible kids out there, absolutely....but if you ask me, it's a pure genetic jackpot LOL
Winnie: combined with tough parenting...not such an easy combination to accomplish
Barbie: ya...you never know what you will get in terms of temperament. And what they are born with is what they usually keep their whole lives...
Winnie: not easy for sure....but they make us proud in their own way...it's nice sometimes to get some value for all our parental trials
Barbie: ya. But parenting is the hardest job on earth, hands down. I don't think anyone has a clue until they are actually doing it as to how hard it can be. And if you don't think it is hard then you are not engaged with your children....or you are lying.
Winnie: so true
Barbie: And it is a job that you will have 'til the day you die. (not to be a downer, but just to acknowledge all the hard working parents out there!)
Winnie: well now that my son is leaving for college and moving into his own place, a new set of worries start....wow...
Barbie: Wanna hear something funny? One summer when I was about 20 I took a job as a nanny for 3 children in their home. And every night I would come home absolutely exhausted. I started thinking...wow, this is a tremendous amount of work, keeping them entertained, cooking, cleaning, and educating them. Maybe I don't want to have kids, but then my Dad said "it's different when you have your own kids". So....he was right...it is different but just as hard!!!! Maybe even harder cuz you don't ever go "off duty".
Winnie: but it's not the same job....yes of course you're never off duty...but it's easier to be yourself...even if you mess up, say the wrong thing, don’t do the dishes and let them eat cake for breakfast....you have no one to answer too. THAT makes it easier and of course gratifying also!
Winnie: and when you see them as teenagers...still dunk their Peanut butter toast in their chocolate milk...just like you taught them...it’s great!!!!!!!!

The Men We Love

2009-08-17T10:48:00.002-04:00

Ladies...what type do you chose?

Excerpts from Chatelaine. June 2009 edition
Mad About the Boys….

THE YOUNG GUY

How to identify him: His wholehearted embrace of hipster-retro style gives him an odd, yet sweet, resemblance to your first crush: neon sneakers, straight legged pants and a shaggy do.
Why we love him: For all his puppy-dog qualities: he’s wide-eyed, eager to please and, of course, beautiful. But most of all, because it’s refreshing to find a man who’s not looking for a women half his age (Oh- excuse us, half his age plus seven). The young guy lets us put away the script for a minute and write our own rules.
Why he’s trouble: His headlong rush into adulthood is directly related to how out of control his life was before you and that alter ego might make an appearance. Even if it doesn’t, his free spirit will lose its appeal the 100th time you throw toilet paper into your purse before going to his place
Best Match: Unexpectedly, he’s perfect for the sweetheart who would never consider being in charge all the time-but really should be.

THE HOT GUY

How to identify him: These guys are best identified by the symptoms they inflict. If you are experiencing dry mouth and fidgety, adolescent awkwardness, you may be in the presence of one such individual.
Why we love him: It could be his effortless charm, oozing charisma, chiselled jaw line, peachy derrière, rippling abs, deep soulful eyes, sparkling flirtatious smile….
Why he’s trouble: 1- He’s Hot. 2- He knows it. 3- He makes us forget that it’s what is on the inside-not the inside of his clothing- that counts.
Best Match: A vixen of the Samantha Jones variety, who appreciates her own reflection and understands the hot guys are just the accessory that never goes out of fashion.

THE FUNNY GUY

How to identify him: He’s the guy at the party-not the best looking, but not the worst-looking either- who’s holding court with laughing mob, all of them fixated on what’s going to come out of his mouth next. He reminds you of that hilarious guy in grade 11 biology class, the one who could never get a date. In fact, he may actually be that guy-though no longer has problems in the romance department. At the very least, he still dresses like he’s in high school: T-shirt (un-tucked), dress shirt (un-ironed and un-tucked), jeans (funny guys never, under any circumstances, wear Dockers)
Why we love him: The funny guy may be the smart guy, because true funny is smart funny.
Why he’s trouble: The funny guy is trouble only to women who can’t’ laugh at themselves.
Best Match: A compatible sense of humour tops the list. His partner needs to match him laugh for laugh- in fact, this can lead to one-upmanship, but she has to appreciate his jokes and understand that she will frequently be the butt of them.

THE NICE GUY

How to identify him: Walk into any male-packed place and scan for the man with the lease facial hair, no devilish fringe, no pervy goatee, nothing-and chances are that’s your guy. Why? He’s not trying to hide behind a veil of his own making. He’s open to show you who he is.
Why we love him: Because we chose to date him, we show ourselves to be a well-friggen-adjusted woman. We love him because he has an uncomplicated relationship with his parents, because he inspires us to be a better person, because he gives us a pretty persuasive reason to stand by our man.

THE REBEL

How to identify him: Traditional attire includes: leather jackets, T-shirts and a preference for dark colours; however, rebels are more easily identified by disposition. Look for equal parts intelligence, confidence, rebellion and pure knee buckling suavity.
Why we love him: Passionate and independent, rebels are impulsive, flirtatious and display no interest in being nurtured. He will never qualify for insurance.
Why he’s trouble: Passionate and independent, rebels are impulsive, flirtatious and display no interest in being nurtured. He will never qualify for insurance.
Best Match: Autonomous females seeking a commitment –free distraction. While the lifespan of the rebel fling varies, they rarely mate for life (or age well).

THE FATHER FIGURE

How to identify him: The impeccably tailored suit says “I’m a big freaking deal”, but the open-collared shirt adds, “I party on weekends”.
Why we love him: Because every so often, a girl deserves to spend her Friday night sipping wine at a cozy bistro on the Seine, her Saturday trekking through the Himalayas and her Sunday in a spectacularly expensive gown sitting behind Jack Nicholson at the Oscars.
Why he’s trouble: Because you can never introduce him to your actual father: a tense patriarchal standoff will ensure. Because he’ll occasionally mistake you for his actual daughter and in Baldwin style, accuse you of being a “thoughtless little pig”. Because there is a Botox nurse lurking in every hospital wing.
Best Match: Women with lofty social ambitions, but low personal ones. Or those who want a brief affair that will result in the greatest swag bag ever.

Psycho girl is in da HOOOUUUSE!

2009-08-13T12:56:00.001-04:00

Winnie: So, how does it feel to finally be in the new millennium?
Barbie: I'm like a kid with a new toy! I love texting!!
Winnie: be very careful...its addicting
Barbie: too late. I'm already addicted to my computer...at least this makes my life a little more mobile...lol
Winnie: funny how we never run out of things to say....
Barbie: maybe we just run off at the mouth a bit, ha, ha and just because YOU run out of things to say doesn’t stop you from talking…ooooo….burn!
Winnie: (Nice)… with Skype. FB and texting...it’s not our mouths that are doing the running
Barbie: I have to say that if it wasn't for all of these things, I would probably feel pretty isolated. Thank God for technology....
Winnie: watch out for the calluses...I hear *%^ is good for that !!!!
Barbie: Now you're talking like a guy..lol
Winnie: or is that for something else?...not sure anymore LOL
Winnie: that's cuz I spend way too much time at the Hut with the guys...help!
Barbie: You ARE starting to sound disturbingly like the gang of guys there....lol
Barbie: who was there last night?
Winnie: Close Talker, Mr. BBQ, Fists o’flying, Teddy Bear and Hiver (and of course PC)
Winnie: I didn’t stay very long, had a long night at work...
Winnie: just stayed long enough for a couple Limes
Barbie: I talked to PC late last night and he seemed like he had had a few also, lol
Winnie: I saw a few empty glasses...but who was counting?
Barbie: I bet the patios were doing well last night with all the good weather!
Winnie: was crazy...I worked alone, thank God the bartender could help. It was jammed for 8 hrs straight...don’t people have anything better to do on a hot, sunny summer evening?
Barbie: nope. you got any better ideas?
Winnie: nope
Barbie: Sangrias on the patio on a warm summer night? What could be better?
Barbie: K, here is something funny....or sad....or scary depending how you look at it...
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg-heCy0CbQ
Barbie: Something to ponder....yikes
Winnie: Oh my....I think I may know someone like that
Barbie: seriously?
Barbie: that's scary!!
Barbie: who is it?
Winnie: Me!!!!!

Life's little indulgences!

2009-08-12T12:37:00.004-04:00

Winnie: Good day!
Barbie: Hi there!
Barbie: I have some very sad and disturbing news...
Winnie: oh no
Barbie: I found my first grey hair....sigh.....
Winnie: how devastating....well you did spend a week with PC, no wonder ;)
Barbie: LOL....I'm thinking it has more to do with divorce, but I may be wrong...
Barbie: At first I thought it was an extra blond one but as it turns out, sadly, no.
Winnie: all I have to say.....Nice and Easy....best friends FOREVER!
Barbie: well....it is gone now but I can see that someday in my future, it may have to be an option.
Winnie: its only a deterrent...more to come my friend, don’t think you are oblivious!
Barbie: it just took so long; somehow I thought maybe I was missing the grey hair gene...lol
Barbie: I even saved it just to put it against various dark and black backgrounds to make sure it just wasn't extra blond and maybe I was panicking for nothing...
Winnie: i feel your pain....
Winnie: How's the parent's visit going?
Barbie: fantastic.....can I just say how much I enjoy people cooking for me? Pretty much ANYTHING you make for me will make me happy. Plus, my Dad has been mowing the lawn and fixing things around the house so I am in heaven...lol
Barbie: I'm sure the novelty would wear off eventually but for the moment, I love being taken care of....
Barbie: I'm thinking I am still hetero but wouldn't mind having a wife...
Winnie: so it’s been a couple weeks of indulgence eh?
Barbie: yep....and I could get used to it...
Barbie: permanently.
Winnie: i still prefer doing it myself...no one else can do right LOL
Winnie: except for maybe the cooking
Barbie: I may have been royalty in another life cuz it just feels so right to me to be coddled...lol
Winnie: oh what a surprise!!!!
Winnie: I can only take it for so long...at first it's nice but after a while it's like " Hey! I can open that door myself, thank you very much...now move over!"
Winnie: "...and now, come over here and give me some!"
Barbie: no, no...you are misunderstanding....I like having my own life, my own money, my own responsibilities....I just want a cook, maid and someone to shovel the driveway and mow the lawn. Then life will be perfect...lol
Barbie: Then again it would give me so much free time I wouldn't know what to do with myself!
Winnie: well Im sure you could find something...lol
Barbie: true enough...I'd join the gym or something...ha, ha
Winnie: ya ok!
Barbie: So...how's the weather there? Raining again I am assuming? (pretty safe bet)
Winnie: nope, its an absolutely beautiful day...hot and sunny
Winnie: should be like this for the rest of the week
Barbie: aw, man...shut your gob
Winnie: summer had finaly arrived
Barbie: send it this way!!!
Winnie: just in time for back to school.....lol suckers!!!!!!!!!!
Winnie: so the weather sucks in the Center of the Universe?
Barbie: yep...if we could avoid a thunderstorm for one. single. day., it might be nice!
Winnie: well for once i dont feel bad...share the wealth baby!!!!
Barbie: ha...ha funny (alsonotsomuch)
Winnie: besides...I look better with a tan ;)
Barbie: .....maybe one of these days I will get one too...

drunk and persistent...admirable in a sad way...

2009-08-11T13:41:00.001-04:00

http://www.break.com/index/drunk-guy-confuses-pants-with-his-shirt.html

We're Back!

2009-08-10T12:39:00.003-04:00

Winnie: welcome back!!!!!
Barbie: thanks...same to you!
Winnie: so i guess we have a lot to report to our readers
Barbie: well....it was a jam packed week, that's for sure!
Winnie: I think it's going to take me the rest of the summer to recoup
Barbie: It was a week of indulgence for sure!
Barbie: Good food, good friends, good fun!
Winnie: we sure ran into some interesting characters this past week
Winnie: but then I’m sure most of the memories I have are alcohol filtered
Barbie: THAT is an understatement. Who knew Silver Fox could sing? LOL!
Winnie: I'll take your word for it, i didn’t hear him
Barbie: It was a fun day on the boat too!
Winnie: felt like the good old days, ...almost LOL
Barbie: It really did...so much fun all around. Great to reconnect with some old pals from the Hole and some new ones too!
Winnie: well we went out almost every night, we were bound to run into a few people haha
Barbie: ya...I'd say we upped our odds, lol
Barbie: My gosh...I can't recall a time that I consumed that much alcohol that many days in succession. That coupled with all the decadent food...yikes!
Barbie: AND...( and this is the most exciting part) I almost got a tan..lol
Winnie: I think I’m still de-toxing lol
Winnie: you almost had it there!!!!!
Barbie: soooo close...lol
Winnie: so I went to the Rainbow on Saturday night and met a certain someone who had me shaking my head all night....believe it or not!
Winnie: You would have hidden under the bar stool, lol
Barbie: Who was it?
Winnie: she's a cousin of "a friend"
Barbie: pretty rowdy?
Winnie: let's just call her....OH MY GOD!
Winnie: thank God I was forewarned before I met her !
Barbie: lol, ok! If she shocks you, then you know it must be bad.
Winnie: she spent the evening hitting on every guy and girl in the place...and then was not shy to tell how the guys in the band measured up...if you know what I mean?
Barbie: What the?
Barbie: I wish I could've seen your face. I
Barbie: have always wondered what you look like embarrassed.
Winnie: I think I was hidden in my sweater most of the night...like an ostrich.
Barbie: Were the other people with you mortified as well?
Winnie: ya, her cousin...lol...it's a true testament that you can’t judge someone by who they are related to lol
Barbie: Thank God for That! I have some pretty wacky relatives...but who doesn't?
Barbie: Well, I have some very exciting news...
Barbie: PC got me a cell phone for my birthday (coming up)!!
Barbie: AND it has unlimited texting!! I'm so excited to be coming into this decade..lol
Winnie: it's about time
Barbie: I know, I know...
Barbie: but now you will be able to text me!!
Winnie: what could I possibly have to say????
Barbie: OMG.

Our Cast of Characters...

2009-07-29T10:33:00.006-04:00

Barbie: Hi Winnie!
Winnie: good morning Barbie Dear!
Barbie: So last night I got a request from one of our newer fans to put together a "list of characters" so they know who everybody is....not real names of course but a description of how they fit into our lives...
Winnie: Sounds fun...
Barbie: ok, let's get started....

Hometown (aka: the “Hole”): the place we both grew up. Small, a little backward at times...still has a big place in both our hearts...Winnie is moving back there shortly and Barbie wishes she could but is living in the BIG city.
Redneckville: the place Winnie is desperate to leave. Makes the Hole look like a thriving metropolis of culture and sophistication...lol
(Winnie: Oh sure does)
The Hut: a bar in the Hole owned by Prince Charming. Popular meeting place for lots of the characters....and the gathering place of the elite "Douchebags"
(Barbie: I would say that there is NOTHING elite about the douchebags there... they are garden variety, domestic douchebags...)
The Package Deal: a group of High School friends who were so tight that if you invited one somewhere, the rest had to come along.
Prince Charming (PC): Long-time friend of all the characters. Childhood sweetheart of Barbie and now adult sweetheart of Barbie.
Note: PC loves Days of Our Lives
TwoHandsFull: a childhood friend of ours...Her teenage years started pretty rough...Mohawks and ex-cons for boyfriends...now mother of 2 and 1/2 kids living in the modern Suburbia
Note: Twohandsfull also has her own (less racy) blog and was part of the original "Package Deal" gang of girls with Winnie and Barbie in High school.
CCC: aka Chair Chuggin' Chick (also known as Helmut Head): another member of the Package deal group and long-time friend of Barbie and Winnie. Known for her sense of humour and drinking prowess....also known for throwing up through the grid of a Hockey Helmet on her 16th birthday, but we won't mention that.
Missyloo: part of the original package deal. Used to throw killer parties when her Mom wasn't home. Lives "away" now.
Giggles: known for her "unusual laugh". A new comer in high school to the Package Deal...and makes the rest of us (well at least Winnie) look like a tame school girl....The best party buddy that ever was!
Daddyohh: another High School friend...long out of the picture and now has returned with a vengeance....kind, funny and a romantic at heart!
Funnygirl: Friend of Barbie's who lives in the big city. Known for her fantastic sense of humour and sarcastic quips.
Doodlebug: Artist friend of Barbie who lives in the big city. Note: she always has paint somewhere on her person and has the coolest curly hair.
Phatboy: the Karaoke King of the Hut. A High School friend who now is the master of entertainment in the "Hole". Just a jolly fella he is, with an impressive set of vocal cords!
Note: Phatboy has NO self confidence problems, lol
The Twins: a set of twins who went to high school with the girls and are still around on and off in the Hole. They are fun and have no mouth filters....almost like a version of Tourette’s.
Close talker (aka: Creepy Guy): A high school acquaintance of the characters who appears to have a depth perception problem when he drinks. Well liked by all.
Drama Queen: involved highly in drama and acting...moved away to the big city.
Shamrockgirl: Very close friend of Barbie's in the big city. Has an infectious laugh and a volume control problem when drinking. No party is complete without her.
Dr. Crack: Apparently went to high school with the girls but was an ankle biter at the time. A reoccurring character in the Hole. Close friend of PC.
Fratboy: The Eternal Party boy...who never wants to grow up and will always live in Neverland (the Dorm room version that is)
Keeya: a dear friend of Winnie's (and now Barbie's) who is stuck in Redneckville but is very cool and will take you out with her Karate moves...you go girl!
Wannabe Barbie: well that almost says it all....once...and I say Once, thought of as a friend until she decided to try and live out our lives by dating everyone's and I mean EVERYONE's ex-boyfriends....she has now moved away and never to be heard of again, wonder why that is??
Record Head: a close friend of Barbie's in high school and part of the Package Deal. Known for wearing a record in her hair to a high school dance. Moved away from the Hole after school and disappeared....if you see a 30something lady walking down the street with a n mp3 player in her hair ask her to call us immediately.
Peaches: maybe not so sweet of a guy...but juicy as hell
Note: ...in Winnie's opinion. Barbie thinks he is a dog with a humping problem. lol
Shyguy: bartender at the Hut...always being teased for his Douchebag qualities. Puts on a good show and is quite intimidated by Winnie so it seems (so is his girlfriend, we hear)

and last but not least....

Mr Biggg: Oh Mr Biggg...the unknown character that is in close competition to be our Fan Club leader with PC....A Big fan of Barbie’s and Winnie's... nemesis! (We still can’t figure out who he really is)

Well, that just about covers the basic reoccurring characters....if you want to have your own name and you don't see it here....write us...or become more prominent in our lives...lol.

Impromptu Guest Blog- Helmut Head Speaks Out!

2009-07-28T08:51:00.008-04:00

Our dear friend Helmut Head (which we misspelled on purpose to create a pun that no person apparently "got") decided to write us about yesterday's blog. She is so unknowingly funny that we decided to post it lieu of our blog today.
PS- She will now be known as CCC from this moment on.
Barbie
_____________________________________

July 27 at 10:23pm

Hello Ladies!
Just wanted to bring up a point or two...
Of all the things that I have a accomplished (come on, there's at least two),
I’m very disappointed that you ladies have decided that the most significant point in my life was when I drank a few too many on my 16th birthday and vomited through a hockey mask [Helmet]??? OH MY GOD!!! Have you forgotten that I was able to ( not many people can say they`ve done this) open several 1 liter bottles of beer (with nothing more than a seat belt? When all the while (from the BACK seat of a borrowed car) enticing another car, full of strange men to allow us to spend not part but ALL of the night at their house?? Did you forget about that? That's a very impressive feat, I think. You should call me "Crazy Car, Bottle Bustin' Guy Getter"....No?? Admit it, it's got a ring?If I recall correctly Milli Vanilli even named a song after me...You couldn't use THAT name either though, could you??? It was called "Blame It On The ****"!!! Uh, never mind. That's just what YOU all did! What about the fact that I could drink anything from any bottle as long as I was "standing" on a chair?? HMMMM??? "Chair Chuggin' Chick"! That's almost artistic???There are many more, but I don't want to bore you. Just for the record, though!! (Barbie, I'm disappointed in your spellchecking!!)

HELMET:hel⋅met/ˈhɛlmɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [hel-mit] –noun 1. any of various forms of protective head covering worn by soldiers, firefighters, divers, cyclists, etc. 2. medieval armor for the head. 3. (in fencing, singlestick, etc.) a protective device for the head and face consisting of reinforced wire mesh. 4. anything resembling a helmet in form or position.

HELMUT:Helmut, (Hellmut, Helmuth, Hellmuth, etc.) is a common given name in the German language. As a family name it is rather uncommon.

Just my 2 cents (okay, maybe it was more like a nickel!)....
Luv CCC (Chair Chuggin’ Chick)xo
____________________________________

Chair Chuggin' Chick, we salute you!! xoxo

It's Business Time!

2009-07-27T13:10:00.004-04:00

Winnie: Good Monday morning!
Barbie: Good morning!
Winnie: well I survived the thunderstorm with only ONE power shortage...
Barbie: same here!
Barbie: we had almost golf ball sized hail too!
Barbie: I was worried about my flowers, lol , but we all survived.
Barbie: Hey....Helmut Head sent us a funny video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN0oDnoc3-c
Winnie: I'ts just to prove out complaints.....it's right there...LIVE
Barbie: hilarious!
Winnie: it's sad really....
Barbie: HA, HA
Winnie: those are men that came up with that....
Barbie: If it was REALLY a business running on those hours it would fail...
Winnie: dont' most of them do?
Winnie: those business arrangements I mean?
Barbie: are you trying to say that most men our age keep very short business hours?
Winnie: hmmmmmmm
Winnie: I won’t comment on that one....except.....
Winnie: i meant the "business arrangement" NOT the "duration" of the business meeting
Winnie: but then again...I haven’t been to a business meeting in a while!!! ;)
Barbie: alrighty then....lol....moving on to other topics...
Barbie: have you ever seen that show "Flight of the Conchords?"
Barbie: I personally find it downright hilarious!
Winnie: No i haven't
Winnie: but I think i've seen enough
Barbie: it's original...so funny!
Winnie: here comes another thunderstorm...hmmmm
Barbie: gee, they are so rare lately...
Winnie: and I don’t think I’ve seen any rainbows this summer either...
Barbie: yes! I saw one at my Dad's place...
Winnie: I was joking, I think Ive seen half a dozen already...you'd think I would have found the pot of gold already
Winnie: well...maybe I have?
Barbie: have you?
Winnie: i might have....;)
Barbie: Hey...I have a song for you today...
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojkUv4aWY_0
Barbie: I wish I knew someone named Doug just to sing them that song...
Barbie: God that movie was funny!
Winnie: I saw "the ugly truth" yesterday...OMG...soooooo funny
Winnie: the best part of the movie. She's wearing vibrating underwear...and some kid gets the remote.
Winnie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nd365-tvTpE
Winnie: I HAVE to get me some of those :)
Barbie: Oh my God...yikes....if that remote falls into the wrong hands...lol
Winnie: That's the point...yee haa!!!!
Barbie: ok, go ahead...get one....hand over the remote and I will pass it along liberally to whomever I see fit.....(note to self....and then hilarity will ensue...must make sure to tape for YouTube display)
Barbie: I plan on handing out the remote to all our friends at the Hut...
Winnie: ok ok...point taken lol
Winnie: make sure you bring spare batteries!!!!
Barbie: ...geez.....

To Barbie from Winnie

2009-07-25T10:37:00.001-04:00

Angel vs Devil

2009-07-23T09:35:00.002-04:00

Barbie: Hi! Boy am I EVER glad that it is raining....I was sooo worried that we would miss a day...
Winnie: well the sun is trying to come out here....hurry...I must go before I miss it!
Winnie: was thinking of going camping this weekend...I think I must just keep THINKING about it
Barbie: well...camping in the rain can be fun if you have someone interesting to keep you company in the tent all day and all night...otherwise, not so much
Winnie: mmmmm...guess I should dust off the sleeping bags then!
Barbie: remember the fun we used to have "camping" in high school?
Winnie: camping? is that what it was? lol, all I remember is drinking and walking from lot to lot...visiting our friends? lol
Barbie: well, or you could call it that....tomato-tomahto
Winnie: ahhhhhh the good old days, carefree and....well let’s not say it lol
Barbie: Footloose?
Winnie: for sure....lol
Barbie: speak for yourself....I was a very good girl and you know it...after all wasn't it your mission in life to corrupt me?
Winnie: it took me 20 years...still working at it!
Winnie: but I think I’m making progress
Winnie: you need to spend more time with me
Barbie: I'm not sure my liver could take it...
Winnie: blame the guys at the Hut for that one, it’s the only place I manage to get drunk at....THEY are the bad ones
Winnie: wonder why that is????
Barbie: Why is it EVERYONE's mission in life to get me drunk??
Winnie: so we could hold it against you for the rest of your life lol
Barbie: gee....YOU wouldn't do something like that would you??
Winnie: I wouldn’t have too....u-tube baby! lol
Barbie: E-VIL!!!!!
Winnie: if I could manage to get you drunk...I’m sure I would be right there along side you
Winnie: it’s everyone else you have to worry about, all those men trying to take advantage of you
Winnie: I could never let that happen to poor innocent you!!!!!
Barbie: nooo.....nobody would do THAT to me!!
Barbie: they are all hanging around for my sparkling personality!
Winnie: in my case....I get drunk, just to have an excuse to let someone take advantage of me ;)
Winnie: ok, maybe not.....I'd let them anyways lol
Barbie: I swear you trigger my mothering instinct....I can't tell you how many times I feel like giving you a speech or grounding you...
Winnie: oh come on now, you know I’m just getting your goat.
Winnie: no one would recognize me if I was a good girl....they would all think there was something wrong if I ever stopped dancing on the tables...frigggg
Barbie: Well the way you tell it, I'm a total stick in the mud...but I actually AM quite fun...just compared to YOU I am very conservative...
Winnie: I can be conservative....I do own pearls you know!
Winnie: I just like wearing them with lace...lol
Barbie: Geez.....must you throw everything into the gutter? Mystery, woman....how many times do I have to tell you....you must leave something to the imagination!
Winnie: much more to tell my dear...contrary to what you may think...I do keep things to myself
Barbie: I'm afraid to even ask…

Crabby-fest!

2009-07-22T12:13:00.004-04:00

Hello all! Barbie here. Winnie and I would like to congratulate Chantal (twohandsfull) on winning the blog guest spot. Please find her blog below and we welcome any additional comments about things that bug YOU!

--------------------------------------------------------

When Winnie and Barbie said I won their “Guest Post” I thought this could be fun. I could write something totally out of character for me. I could write something trashy, something silly and fun. And then I thought about it. And thought about it. It is hard to manufacture trashy out of thin air. Really, I am a geek and a boring one at that. But one thing I am good at is complaining. So here goes. Things that drive me crazy:

Co-workers who come into your office and talk FOREVER and just won’t go away
The weather this summer – Holy shit Mother Nature, enough rain already!
Drivers who are slow going through the advance green, which makes ME MISS my chance to turn.
Drivers in The Wall (‘nuff said ;) )
The guy in the red Jeep who double parks in my office parking lot! A-HOLE
Stores that have a “HUGE SUMMER SALE” that runs for a month and then run out of everything in their flyer after week one – I am looking at you IKEA!
When you microwave your lunch and the outside is burning hot and the inside is cold. We can send people into space but we can’t heat a lunch evenly!!!
Did I mention the weather!
Govt. departments who make mistakes and then take their sweet time to fix them.
Men who treat my dear friends like shit – oh this one makes my blood boil!
And last but not least: THE FREAKING WEATHER!

This list could go on forever but I will stop now and spare you all. I am not just a crabby person. I love lots of things. I love; my kids, my husband, my dear friends (Winnie and Barbie are high up on that list), my extended family, my house, my garden, I love many many things. But since we talking beef, what’s your beef?

7 year, renewable marriage contracts...Let's start a movement!!

2009-07-21T09:32:00.004-04:00

Winnie: ok, so caved in
Barbie: caved in to what?
Winnie: I bought a People magazine yesterday, I just HAD to gawk at the pictures of JON (from Jon and Kate) and his new trampy gf on vacation...3 weeks after the split... how dare he...and they were posing!
Barbie: hmmm....three weeks eh? yikes
Barbie: something tells me you don't find a new girlfriend in three weeks flat...this wouldn't happen to be the same lady he was spotted with BEFORE the split, would it?
Winnie: eventhough we are both proof that marriages are wayyyyyyyy over before it's announced..but still
Winnie: of course
Barbie: yeah....well, at least we know what happened now...
Barbie: younger woman promises "hey, I won't nag you like your wife does, I'll treat you like a the king you are forever"....just you wait, lol!!
Winnie: ya until the sex wears off...lol
Barbie: the initial flame ALWAYS fizzles, so you are lucky if you have a good friend you can get along with...
Winnie: what else could he have in common with a 21 year old pot smoking advocate...lol
Barbie: um....pot? Apparently? lol
Barbie: he always DID seem a bit mellow for the father of all those kids...lol
Winnie: duhhhhhhhhhhhh :)
Winnie: well now we know how he managed to stay married to HER for so long
Barbie: like I said....I think marriage should be on a 7 year renewable contract....they chose not to renew....no hard feelings...lol
Winnie: we got to get this message out lol
Barbie: I'm telling you....it is GENIUS!!
Barbie: Let's stop kidding ourselves....most marriages are NOT for life....let's just stick to shorter contracts, lol
Barbie: It will eliminate the need to place blame. I think biology dictates that the chemicals of infatuation secrete in our brains for a limit of 7 years....then you pretty much want to kick the other person out....
Winnie: just like cell companies...after a few years you start figuring out all the crap they put you through...when your contract is up......IT'S UPGRADE TIME BABY!
Barbie: LOL!!!
Winnie: ;)
Barbie: Not to be too cynical, but the feelings of love and infatuation are there to serve a purpose ....to make sure we procreate and that we stay together until the kids are a manageable age...but those feelings eventually wear off, we are crazy to expect them to continue...most good long term marriages are based on respect and friendship....in the end, that is all you have...
Winnie: and I have you for that...so who needs a man!
Winnie: my contracts are now going to be no more that 48 hrs
Barbie: lol! I have to say I hate cutting the grass and shovelling the driveway....but we can always hire out for that...
Winnie: renewable....if needed lol
Barbie: exactly!!

GET OUT! of my Lemonade Stand!

2009-07-20T10:45:00.001-04:00

Barbie: Hi!
Winnie: well hello there, long time no talk
Barbie: lol
Barbie: how was your weekend?
Winnie: long, worked some long hours though
Winnie: now its clean up time, lots of packing to do
Barbie: wish I was there to help!
Winnie: every time i do this....i say im never doing it again
Barbie: I hear ya...I HATE moving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barbie: my weekend was super P.G. I had the kids so we did family friendly stuff like a lemonade stand, library, read them books...the usual
Winnie: ohhhh the lemonade stand...how fun
Barbie: It was sooooo cute...I sooo wish I had a camera... mines busted...boooo!! I can't believe I missed that photo op!
Winnie: what kind of mother are you anyways??? lol
Barbie: I know, I know...the guilt of not having pics of that is absolutely killing me....
Barbie: but someday soon, when I am loaded and I buy a top of the line camera, I will document EVERYTHING!!
Winnie: well don’t go overboard now...pictures CAN be evidence! lol
Barbie: Hey...I'm the innocent one, don't forget....I never do anything naughty.....YOU on the other hand....
Winnie: ME? Come on...
Winnie: I’m smart enough NOT to document everything!
Barbie: All I can say is it is a good thing we didn't have cell phone cameras and Facebook when we were in high school...
Barbie: I don't know how kids today get away with anything without getting busted...
Winnie: OMG...no kidding
Barbie: in all honesty though....many of them are not too bright about posting themselves in compromising positions...
Winnie: kids these days have no shame
Barbie: ya ok...lol
Winnie: at least we had some dignity...we DIDN't want to get caught
Barbie: true that!
Winnie: ok, so I have a new theme song...you have to listen carefully!
Winnie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pdTYI7pD0o
Barbie: awesome! and funny!
Winnie: I had it cranked in my car on my way home yesterday....love it!!!!
Barbie: Good for you! Girl power!

divorce court and toe tags

2009-07-17T10:33:00.004-04:00

Winnie: For you my dear friend....hope this helps you get through the weekend! Divorce court sucks!
Winnie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBR2G-iI3-I
Barbie: right back at you baby!
Barbie: But no self pity today.....Here is my NEW song:
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y
Barbie: word for word baby....
Winnie: "girl power" !!!!!
Barbie: yep
Barbie: you know....a year from now, we will look back on this time in our lives and say..."thank God that's over!" lol
Winnie: all we'll have is the blog to help us remember lol
Barbie: yep!
Winnie: you good today?
Barbie: yes
Barbie: how about you?
Winnie: better now, did a Timmy’s run, now that I’m the only one left in the house who drinks coffee...kinda sucks making a whole pot to myself
Barbie: lol, did you get any sleep last night?
Winnie: not bad...one kid showed up at midnight..woke me..and then the other came in at 3 am...didn’t' feel sorry for him when he had to get up at 7 to go to work...but of course, woke me up AGAIN! So much for my first day of vacation
Barbie: do mothers ever REALLY get vacation?
Winnie: a what? lol
Barbie: I see that your oldest got his camera back? Good grad pics!
Winnie: yessssss...saved him a few buck since he didn’t have to buy me a new one! Will teach me to lend him my stuff
Winnie: he's all grown up now; too bad he still can’t make his bed!
Barbie: LOL!
Winnie: he'll change I hope, first time he brings a girl over to his new apartment..
Barbie: It will take a girl to say "gross...don't you ever make your bed or clean up after yourself?" for him to start taking initiative, lol
Winnie: as long as I don’t get a call asking me to make a cleaning house call....I can’t see myself visiting very often lol
Barbie: personally, I don't think I have seen anything more disgusting than a group of young men living together....nasty.
Barbie: I knew this gang of guys who lived together in their twenties and they actually had CARPET in the bathroom...combine drunken nights with poor aim and the fact that they never actually EVER, NOT ONCE cleaned that bathroom...well, you can imagine the result...
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhh my my my...thanks for that visual, just what I need!
Barbie: LOL!
Barbie: Gross eh?
Winnie: I have this old coffee table that stains when you leave a drink on it...I told him he could have it. He said that he'll get a glass to put on it to keep it clean....I laughed out loud!!!!!!!!!
Barbie: hilarious!
Barbie: but I must say they do like to keep their cars clean...I don't get it...
Winnie: it's true...although he has a toe tag hanging from his rear view mirror
Winnie: and it has his name on it, creepy
Barbie: I'm afraid to ask what a toe bag is...
Winnie: good way to freak out your mom
Winnie: they were handing them out at the "safe grad" thing they do before graduation, when the cops and students re-enact a crash scene
Barbie: oh TOE TAG!! Duh...I mis-read it. Yikes...that's like tempting fate...or being a teen rebel..
Winnie: he says it's a reminder, good thing, I hope
Barbie: um. ya.
Winnie: maybe I should tie a pillow case around his finger to remind him to make his bed?
Barbie: PERFECT!! and a bottle of Windex around his neck too!

Honest to blog, wisdom from Sponge Bob

2009-07-15T12:55:00.003-04:00

Winnie: I forgot my phone at home this morning
Barbie: lol...how ever did you survive?
Winnie: was rough....but I think I'll be ok
Barbie: well, we should probably start by telling everyone that we chose a winner for the blog guest spot contest!
Barbie: We expect BIG things from this person...lol
Barbie: stay tuned for their submission sometime in the next week...
Winnie: ohhhh, can't wait!
Barbie: me neither....I'm actually quite excited about it.
Winnie: does the lucky winner know yet?
Barbie: yes...they know and are working on their piece as we speak!
Winnie: this is going to be interesting for sure, just hope it doesn't end up being a "hit on Barbie" or "dis Winnie" episode
Barbie: um. I highly doubt it...lol
Winnie: I’m holding on tight.....
Barbie: lol....aren't we always though?
Winnie: DONT SAY IT
Barbie: oops....said it.
Winnie: see I know you so well lol
Barbie: sadly. yes. lol
Barbie: So....did you notice that Mr. Big posted a picture of himself on his facebook page today?
Winnie: I saw...he's pretty cute for an illusion
Barbie: ...I'm thinking it's a fake.
Winnie: that's what I mean
Winnie: I could have found a cuter pic though lol
Winnie: (kidding Mr Bigggg)
Barbie: If this guy knows so many of our friends, how come we have never heard his name before?? hmmm?
Barbie: a little fishy if you ask me...
Winnie: it's all in fun...until someone gets caught ......
Barbie: then we will roast them 'til they's crispy....beware our razor sharp banter...lol
Winnie: Oh I'm sure he's a bit scarred already....and if not...then he should be!!!!
Barbie: well....I think you mean scared but he may be scarred by us too...wouldn't be the first time we traumatized someone!
Winnie: ya ya...thank God I’m going back to school...i need it
Winnie: too many years in Redneckville....
Barbie: honest to blog....ain't THAT the truth...lol
Winnie: I am over 32 though, so at least Ill be able to drink at school
Barbie: ooo....you rebel, ha, ha
Winnie: just like in high shool...except no Mr. T to catch us in the bathroom
Barbie: hee...hee.....
Barbie: remember when we all drank and one of our group members passed out at the dance and we didn't want her to get caught but we didn't want to leave either so we just put her under a pile of jackets until the dance was done?
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhh yes lol
Winnie: we were crazy....my kids would NEVER think of doing that LOL
Winnie: oh there I go again...delusional
Barbie: I'm sure your kids would also never steal their parent’s car, drive it to Montreal to go clubbing and lock the keys in the car when you were coming back the next day....AHHHHEEEEMMMM!!!!!!
Winnie: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I think my Mom is reading
Barbie: oops....I mean YOU didn't do that....that was someone I HEARD of doing that....lol
Barbie: well, at least you didn't throw up in a fish tank...
Winnie: no, I didn’t....but I sure did hold up a few heads from drowning in the toilet bowl
Barbie: yes....and one of them wearing a hockey helmet....with a grill!!
Winnie: nasty stuff....
Barbie: ok, this is getting out of hand...no more snitching!!
Winnie: too late, my friend
Barbie: Just always remember these words of wisdom from Sponge Bob....
Barbie: There is NOTHING worse than an emotionally disturbed oyster!
Winnie: WTF?? Alrighty then.
Winnie: did I say I wanted to relive my youth?...maybe I should think this through a bit more
Barbie: you will need to go out and buy a bottle of Pepto if you plan on reliving your youth...
Winnie: (as an aside, you know what they say about oysters??????)
Winnie: already in my purse....
Barbie: oysters or pepto?
Winnie: BOTH ! :)

90's re-lived

2009-07-14T12:56:00.002-04:00

Barbie: hey girl!
Barbie: How was your concert last night?
Winnie: awesome dude !
Winnie: rough few days, 3 concerts in 5 days, I think I may be too old for this
Barbie: We don't bounce back the way we used to...
Winnie: guess you had a long weekend too?
Winnie: Salsa Queen
Barbie: a fun one! Salsa dancing Friday night, mojitos (too many) Saturday and coffee with a pal on Sunday
Barbie: it was a good, full weekend
Barbie: so....I have come to a conclusion....
Winnie: re-living our youth has some consequences?
Barbie: lol.....good point, but that's not the conclusion I reached last week.
Winnie: Then what? oh wise one....
Barbie: you know how you go through different stages in a divorce?
Winnie: I thought it was only one.....relief!!!!
Barbie: well, I spent the first 9 months in the "fear" stage. I was terrified that I would be homeless, penniless.......
Winnie: and now?
Barbie: but now I have transitioned to the "anger" stage. Now I am MAD and he doesn't intimidate me one BIT any more...
Barbie: too bad for him that he didn't get an agreement during my "fear" stage....lol, he would have made out a lot better
Winnie: good for you...
Barbie: I think it is something you go through.....
Barbie: I should clarify that it isn't "bitter".....just POWERFUL!!
Winnie: I don't have the energy to be mad. I think I spent all of it when I was with him
Winnie: I hope it never gets to that...i have better things to do
Barbie: I felt the same way for the first while. I was just so exhausted.....
Barbie: but now....bring it on!!!!!
Winnie: I've been saying that from the beginning...but that's just me...a bitch!
Winnie: lol
Barbie: you are not a bitch....you are assertive but in our world, if you are a female, that means bitch....so I say wear the name with pride! lol
Winnie: Oh I do....always did :)
Winnie: so speaking of douchebags.....
Winnie: I took me everything I had last night NOT to go around snapping pictures of people
Barbie: lots of Dbags huh? I saw the very picture of the Eurodouche at the Salsa club on Friday....all my girlfriends were pointing him out too "Hey...look at the Eurodouche". He had his shirt unbuttoned COMPLETELY, collar up, faux hawk, fake tan....and .....wait for it....HIGHLIGHTS.....
Winnie: OUCH !
Barbie: Can I just say that I do not think guys should highlight their hair....very douchy
Barbie: I'm assuming you saw the domestic/rocker douche variety at your concerts?
Winnie: only STP could bring back the 90's douchbags
Winnie: oh, and let's not forget...the 90's cougars....that are WAY past the Cougar mark
Barbie: Please tell me you did not see leather pants...
Winnie: it's summer
Winnie: lots of mini...I mean MINI skirts and cleavage
Winnie: and BIG HAIR
Barbie: ahh....the "rocker chicks"....I have seen more than my fair share in my day...
Winnie: didn't you use to be one?????
Winnie: LOL, sorry had to say it
Barbie: ya....in 1985....not cool anymore.
Winnie: please...tell them that

GET ME OUT!

2009-07-13T12:08:00.005-04:00

So I, Winnie, am in transition of moving back home from this Redneck town that I have been "surviving" in for the past 12 years. This is my "Adieu"!

Redneck Swing:

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age for
Rednecks to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of
the high schools.

Redneck Garden:

A new Redneck law was just recently passed:
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

Redneck Time Out:

An OPP pulls over a pickup on Highway 17 and says to the driver,
Got any! I.D. ? ' . ...
and the driver replies 'Bout wut?'

A What??????

2009-07-11T14:30:00.004-04:00

A little something to get you through the weekend.

Grade 1 experiment....the teacher hands out all the students one colors of Life Savers at a time and askes them to identify the flavor of each color.....one by one they all agree.....

Red.....................Cherry
Yellow................Lemon
Green...................Lime
Orange ...............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room

Have a great weekend everyone !!!!!

Carnies, Cowboys and Salsa Kings

2009-07-10T12:44:00.003-04:00

Barbie: hey there!
Winnie: good day my dear
Barbie: so...you had a great time at the local festival last night?
Winnie: fabulous time, felt like a kid again
Winnie: maybe that was because I managed NOT to get sick on the Gravitron or the Merry-go-round!
Winnie: I was smart enough to hit the beer garden only AFTER the rides
Barbie: you went on the Gravitron? You are brave....that is a vomit inducer if I ever saw one!
Winnie: i was good...the ride stopped just in time lol
Winnie: I think we were the only ones on there that were over 16
Barbie: Did I ever tell you about the time that Recordhead barfed on the Tilt-a-whirl?
Winnie: LOL, no surprise
Winnie: I even got a stuffed monkey...
Barbie: did some big strong guy win it for you?
Winnie: yup....
Winnie: he tried winning at the "baseball" and beer bottle game, but couldn’t hit more than one
Winnie: so instead, he kicked my butt at the "whack-a-mole" game....
Barbie: I will leave that one alone.....consider it a freebie...lol
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhh sicko
Winnie: it’s a carnival game....dodo head! You know…the little groundhogs pop their heads out of the holes and you have to hit them with a big hammer?
Winnie: its' PG 13, you should know it!
Barbie: lol! I don't have much experience with Carnies....
Winnie: Carnies? me either...they're kinda dirty and gross. They never did anything for me ;)
Barbie: Once, when I was little, I won a plastic hand back scratcher and a Carnie said I will give you a free game here if you give me the back scratcher. So I went for it, lost the game and the carnie broke off all the fingers except the middle one and gave it back to me and called me a loser. I have to say that I haven't cared much for them since.
Winnie: LOL
Winnie: did you keep it at least?? lol
Barbie: no. and I bet he wouldn't have done that to me a few years later...lol
Barbie: So...tonight I go downtown to try my hand at Salsa dancing...
Winnie: great...sounds like a blast
Winnie: just don’t hurt yourself
Barbie: Like Jerry Seinfeld, I think people just like to say "Salsa"....
Barbie: I can move, not to worry.....I've still got the moves, lol
Winnie: I'm sure but too much info
Barbie: but I'm not sure how good I'll be compared to the Latin men and ladies who have been doing it all their lives...
Winnie: it's pretty hot when you see them dance, wish i could
Winnie: I want pictures tonight
Winnie: of the cute guys there, I mean!
Barbie: Yes, we will be documenting the night...
Barbie: When I was out west, I got conned into going to a country bar to two step and I didn't know how and as it turns out the cowboys LOVE to teach women how to two step...lol
Winnie: oh I’m sure they like to teach those cowboys...lol
Barbie: Actually, they were very, very polite.
Barbie: We'll see if the Salsa kings can be polite too...lol
Winnie: i image them being a bit more forward...i think you have to be
Barbie: Not necessarily. When I was in Brazil, they Samba and Lambada which is VERY close dancing with lots of grinding of unmentionables but everyone was super polite. It is just cultural.
Winnie: whatever...i like the touching and grinding
Barbie: geez woman.
Winnie: what?
Winnie: you don’t?????
Winnie: i'm sure you're not going just for the cultural education!
Barbie: nope. Just to shake it, try something new and have fun with some girlfriends.
Barbie: The evening even comes with a dance lesson! It is totally legit!
Winnie: ya whatever!
Barbie: what? you KNOW I am not going to pick up!!!
Winnie: i didn’t say you would....
Winnie: easy girl
Winnie: Dancing it is!!!!!!!
Barbie: I am not a club girl at all but I love dancing...
Winnie: ok ok...I got it.....
Winnie: I am not a club girl at all but I love looking...

Marriage Return Policies...

2009-07-08T12:47:00.002-04:00

Barbie: hey, you know what I just remembered? we haven't done music in awhile...
Winnie: you haven't done WHO? in a while???
Barbie: get it out of the gutter sista....
Barbie: Today I am whole heartedly recommending the Kings of Leon....
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlaqgcGfS0I
Barbie: Really, I love anything by them. I am praying that they finally bring good music back. It has been awhile since rock has been around.
Barbie: The lead singer has a very distinctive voice....kind of young Joe Cocker.
Barbie: Hey Phatboy! Will you sing this one for me next time I'm at the Hut?
Winnie: It's good, I like it
Barbie: you'd like this one too then...
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHhhcKxflMY
Barbie: I haven't heard a bad song by them yet. And the music is actually good and the lyrics well thought out....how refreshing!
Winnie: I’m sending this one out to all my home folks...Thursday night, open air concert...yea baby!!!!! Can’t wait.
Winnie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9seZeFc6ms0
Barbie: Wish I could go too!
Winnie: me too
Barbie: That girl has to be the hardest workin' woman in Canadian music these days.....she tours non-stop.
Winnie: I had tickets for Amanda Marshall years ago when she played at Metropolis in Montreal but I was not able to make it.....I was so bummed...so I can’t wait to see her.
Barbie: the only song of hers that I don't like is this one...lol
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSYvpX6JUNo
Winnie: LOL
Winnie: crazy bitch....marry me? What the hell is that about????
Barbie: I have no idea.....clearly she has never been married before...lol
Barbie: Always seems like a good idea before you do it...
Winnie: Ohhhhhhh the romanticism.......
Winnie: how delusional
Barbie: well....we have all been there.....thinking it was a good idea on some level, otherwise we wouldn't have done it.
Winnie: I blame my grandmother
Winnie: I can, cuz she's dead now
Barbie: lol.....I don't know. Society makes girls/women feel like they should do it to be successful in life...
Barbie: but I sure don't think it is necessary...
Winnie: we... I had two kids before I got married...
Winnie: So to make sure my grandmother didn’t burn in hell....I had to do the church and gown thing
Winnie: surprise to her when it wasn’t white LOL
Barbie: well, I got married at West Edmonton Mall, and technically, I feel that I should be able to return him for store credit...
Winnie: and I’m sure he wasn't even worn out!
Winnie: LOL
Barbie: "Hello, this purchase doesn't fit after all....I would like to exchange or get my money back!"

Comb your hair with a pork chop!

2009-07-07T12:54:00.001-04:00

Barbie: so the pity party is officially over....onward march!!
Barbie: no more feeling sorry for myself....I have too much to be thankful for...
Winnie: YEAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!
Barbie: Got to be happy about the small things....in the end that's all most people have, lol
Winnie: ya like Bud Lite Lime
Barbie: Bud lite lime ...meh....."better than regular beer but still not as good as a mojito"
Winnie: Mojito is too strong
Winnie: i can only inhale so much fresh mint
Barbie: baby!
Winnie: Who you calling baby?
Barbie: relax, I called you baby, not babe
Winnie: oh ok then...lol
Barbie: So, we didn't win for funniest blog but I don't think it should count because we were only aware of it for three days and it was based on votes....none of our fans had time to vote....
Barbie: I demand a recount! We were robbed! No justice in the world! The judges look like they comb their hair with a pork chop!!
Winnie: how did you find out about it
Barbie: just randomly surfing the sites! The others had months and months to vote (sour grapes).
Barbie: Ahhh....but we were honoured just to be nominated (as we say this through gritted teeth, just like the losers on Oscar night)
Winnie: it is not fair...we have great fans....
Barbie: do we ever!!
Barbie: Although I detect slight brain damage for thinking we are funny but God bless 'em anyway...
Winnie: I think it is the coolest thing that we were nominated only after a couple of months online...friggen awesome
Winnie: Next year baby!!!!! Next year!
Barbie: GIRL POWER......
Barbie: now if we could only figure out a way to sell out to Corporate America and become rich bitches....
Winnie: oh yeaaaaaaaaaaa
Winnie: now you're talking
Barbie: But then again, we might get punched in the face like Perez Hilton....poor guy.....I have a soft spot for slightly strange bloggers (wonder why?)
Winnie: I think our exes would like to do the honour
Barbie: that's the only way he's ever gonna touch ME again...
Winnie: LOL...
Barbie: so...Mike Jackson memorial service today....snore...
Barbie: I told my sister that he died and she said...Aw....good.
Winnie: ya, if i have time between loads of laundry I may watch it
Winnie: he was a great artist...too bad he couldn't afford better Shrinks....
Winnie: Well I will always remember where I was when I got the news....I was on my way out the door...to see YOU!! hehehe
Winnie: ok...and another special friend, just in case they read this ;)
Barbie: I heard the news at the hut. I just noticed that they were playing a strangely large amount of him on the radio on the drive down and thought maybe everyone was stuck in some kind of time warp, lol
Winnie: ya, you looked shocked when we told you lol
Winnie: like really? Was it that unexpected?
Barbie: I thought everyone was mental. They kept toasting Michael Jackson....I was like "what IS it with people in this town?"

Divorce Countdown

2009-07-06T17:26:00.003-04:00

Just for you my dear Barbie. Wanted to cheer you up. It worked for me

xoxox Winnie

Divorce Pity Party.....join us!

2009-07-06T12:54:00.001-04:00

Winnie: hey
Winnie: welcome back
Barbie: hello!
Winnie: so we’re funny i hear?
Barbie: this is what they say...no pressure
Winnie: how did this happen?
Barbie: who knows....sadly most of the time we are not trying to be funny
Winnie: that's what i meant...how did we end up funny...lol
Barbie: I think it is more "funny living nightmare" not "funny ha-ha"
Winnie: a never ending nightmare
Barbie: hopefully it will end someday!!!!!
Barbie: I'm thinking when my divorce is final...lol
Winnie: is there even an expiry date on hating your exes'?
Barbie: who knows.....I'm winging it...
Winnie: I got the " oh you should hear what people are saying about you" speech last night
Winnie: funny though, cuz whoever was supposed to have said these "things" about me, have had no contact with me in 6 months...they aren't even online...go figure
Winnie: so i asked him to tell me about all the "bad" stuff I was doing...and all of a sudden he says.."well, they didn’t tell me anything"
Barbie: ah...they ALWAYS try that one....the "make you feel bad about yourself tactic"
Winnie: one even said...." If I told you, you'd throw up" LOL...OMG....
Barbie: WTF????
Barbie: that's hilarious.....as if!!
Winnie: no kidding....I asked him if they were talking about me????? (are you sure they have the right person?)
Barbie: well, I happen to be having a pity party for myself so you can join
Winnie: I'm there!!!!!!!
Winnie: did he ambush you when you got back?
Barbie: oh yeah!!
Winnie: jerk
Barbie: that is an understatement.
Winnie: was he pissed cuz you didn’t answer his emails WHILE YOU WERE ON VACATION????
Barbie: he just thinks he is the authority on everything and should be able to dictate how our divorce should go and I should just happily accept it.
Winnie: well of course you should
Barbie: I'm like "no, no....that's how it was in our MARRIAGE, not now that we're split", lol
Winnie: did you not read that in your marriage contract
Barbie: I must have missed that part. I even purposely had them take out the "obey" part but apparently it was still implied...
Winnie: shit
Barbie: lol
Barbie: my friend just asked me to go Salsa dancing on Friday....what do you think?
Winnie: Go Girl!
Winnie: would love to do that
Barbie: I spent some months in Brazil...look out, I can shake it!!
Winnie: get a sexy dress going and your hot shoes...
Barbie: I can barely walk in those, let alone dance in them!!
Barbie: I'm thinking jeans and sneakers...lol, I'm there for dancing, not to pick up.
Winnie: just don’t shake it too much....well, ok...as long as it's not in front of the band at the "hut"
Barbie: LOL!!! that was funny....no, I'm not gonna shake it like a stripper....not to worry
Winnie: pheeewwwwwwww...had me worried there
Barbie: If you ever see me shaking it like a stripper, call 911 immediately...
Winnie: nope...would just take out my camera, record you and post it on the blog...oh and Youtube too!!!!!
Barbie: ah....what a friend indeed.

10 Things we learned at the Hut this week

2009-07-03T08:56:00.004-04:00

We have to say that going to bars can be a very educational experience! Here are ten things we learned at the Hut this weekend:

1- Apparently, knee high socks are a perfectly acceptable way to hide a low jack. Even though you are supposed to be under house arrest, nobody will notice if you sneak out to a bar.

2-If you are intoxicated and intend on dancing alone, be bold....stand right in front of the stage and shake it like a stripper.

3- Dancing alone and shaking it like a stripper has no age boundaries....this includes bearded 83 year old men.

4- If you ARE going to dance alone and shake it like a stripper, make sure to hold your drink in your hand. You don't want to put it down on the table and have someone slip something into it. That would be bad because then you might do something embarrassing like dancing alone and shaking it like a stripper.

5- Tattoos ARE an alternative to clothing. I mean, technically they DO cover skin so just throw on a couple of pasties, some shorts and a hair bandanna and you're good to go.

6-Just because you are too drunk to stand up, doesn't mean you can't party effectively.

7-You CAN eat your own weight in popcorn and remain standing.

8-If you feel that you are not being noticed enough, just yell louder. You don't even need to have anything of importance to say. Just wait until the music has a lull, randomly scream "Hey Man!" and hug other men. I should also mention that if you are randomly screaming at females be sure to be derogatory to catch their attention. "bitch! slut! and Blondie!" are all very effective ways to make a woman's head turn.

9- If you feel that you didn't kill it during your last off key karaoke performance, why not try rap or country western for the next round.....two sure crowd pleasers! (especially if you are slurring the words)

10- Real men don't drink Bud light lime, or tangerine or pomegranate.

So, thanks again to the small town folk at the Hut for providing hours of entertainment and a sound education in the laws of the 'hood. God bless you for keepin' it real!

Oh' Marriage Eh?

2009-07-02T17:52:00.002-04:00

Just a little giggle for all of you who've been married before!

Oh' Canada Eh?

2009-07-01T08:27:00.002-04:00

Only in Canada

1. Only in Canada......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in Canada......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in Canada......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in Canada.....do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in Canada......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in Canada......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in Canada......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we don't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in Canada......do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in Canada.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in Canada......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Happy Canada everyone! Hope you get to enjoy this great day with Family and Friends!

Predictable Happy Endings?

2009-06-29T12:23:00.001-04:00

Winnie: hey found me
barbie: yep
barbie: so....good weekend?
Winnie: fantastic...im sooo tired though
barbie: me too...but last night it wasn’t for glamorous reasons...my little boy wet the bed at 5 am. sigh......PAR-TY!
Winnie: oh my...how come?
Winnie: did he sneak a can of Red Bull?
barbie: who knows....just was one of those random things....
barbie: if he is anything like his mom, if he would have a can of Red Bull, he wouldn’t sleep for the next 3 days.
Winnie: check your stock lol
Winnie: what did you do the rest of the weekend?
barbie: well, had a great night with you and Prince Charming and the gang at the hut on Thursday night. Then Friday night...hmmm...oh yes, prince charming came over and hung out to chat with my rents and then we went back to the hut for a drink and to see Phatboy sing (good, as always), Saturday night I went to see The Hangover....(HOLY HILARIOUS...vaguely reminds me of some of the good times we had back in the day...just on a grander scale) yesterday I brought the kids to the dinosaur land thingie....
barbie: last night my friend Calmwaters came over with the Prince and we all had chats with the rents again. When did it start to become fun to hang with your parents again? lol
Winnie: after 35!!!!
Winnie: lol
barbie: sadly, I actually enjoy sitting and chatting with my parents more than a lot of people...plus they always have the bar stocked with expensive European aperitifs...lol
barbie: and they make great eats!
Winnie: bless them ...lol
barbie: God bless them for cooking for me....really, from the bottom of my heart. Just a bonus that they have expensive taste in wine...lol
Winnie: wish I had time to sit for a great meal...can’t seem to find it lately.
Winnie: although...I had a picnic yesterday
Winnie: the greatest of greatest of meals
barbie: how was YOUR weekend....do tell?
Winnie: Had that BIG party to work at on Friday night….hardly recuperated from that when I had to work Saturday night too. But I had a great day yesterday...visited the islands and had ice cream...finished the day off with a movie too
Winnie: saw The Proposal...predictable ending...but gut splitting funny moments too
barbie: ahhh...good...I was hoping you didn’t cave and go see Transformers...
Winnie: no, i picked this time lol
barbie: I was explaining to Prince Charming that that’s the difference between a 20 year old girl and a 30 something year old woman. The girl will go to the man flick, pretend to like it then harbour resentment and make you pay later. The woman just says nah....go with your buddies, bring me to see the Hangover or the Proposal....and will remain happy.
Winnie: yeppers...not more complicated than that
Winnie: I sooooooo needed a couple hours of not thinking...and a chick flick will do that to you every time lol
barbie: mindless fantasy....love it.
barbie: The Hangover has the same type of effect...just enjoyable for both sexes..
Winnie: it would be better if the happy couple never got married though...wouldn't it be a refreshing ending if they decided just to "date" and keep their own places?????
barbie: AMEN!!!!!!!
Winnie: who says you can’t be Happily Ever After?
barbie: and they remained happy forever, never nagging each other, getting mad for toothpaste on the counter and stupid stuff and did whatever they wanted.....
Winnie: AMEN!!!!!!!
barbie: I can hear the violins now.......ahhhh....

Just for the Ladies!

2009-06-27T12:58:00.001-04:00

Stay Tuned!

2009-06-27T12:31:00.004-04:00

Good day Fans!!!
Sorry about the lack of chats this week...both Barbie and I have been very busy (with real life) and have not managed to find the common time to blog. Now that Barbie is home for vacation, we will do our best to get some entertaining chatter for you. Just be patient for another week or so and things will return back to normal. Please keep checking in!

Hugs and Kisses to all of you!
xoxoxoxox

PMS Queen!

2009-06-24T22:12:00.002-04:00

This is a gift from my ex. It will look good on my Caddy!!! Guess he did know me after all.

DIVORCE HELL!!

2009-06-24T10:21:00.004-04:00

Guess what? Both Winnie and Barbie are in the middle of divorce HELL!!! Got any tips or anecdotes to help us get through it sanely (also avoiding bankruptcy and homeless shelters?)
Post them in the comment section and we will make it part of our blog!!

Divorce, Contracts and Smelly Fish

2009-06-19T09:21:00.004-04:00

Winnie:… from the guys point of view, I would love to hear what they have to say..
Winnie: was found in a bathroom in the states
Barbie: LOL!!
Barbie: I am of the thinking that marriage should be a 5-7 year renewable contract. After that amount of time, you look at your partner and say "I'm in for another round" or "it's been a slice, but I'm good"
Winnie: I think most people, men and women would agree...
Winnie: and for those who believe that marriage is for life, well it's a choice they can continue to make...everyone wins
Barbie: Yes! Let's start a petition!! I can't see anyone disagreeing with this one...
Barbie: EXCEPT....if you are the one who married up....then you would be worried every time the contract came up and right now you have them trapped for life, lol
Winnie: shit...never thought of that....
Winnie: but then it's a good reason to keep your partner happy
Winnie: not to piss them off
Barbie: as if the "luckier" one in the relationship WANTS to work harder...
Barbie: I see people who have let themselves go and been bitchy to their partners around the world going "UH-OH" if our plan came into fruition...
Winnie: exactly.....
Winnie: the thing is that there is always someone who loses in divorce, no matter what. This way it would just be less headaches and cheaper
Barbie: ya!
Barbie: and nobody would feel like a failure because the expectation wouldn't be to stick with someone who is treating you badly...
Winnie: there you go, by golly my dear....I think we've got something here!! lol
Barbie: We should run for office....I think we could be elected on this issue alone!!
Winnie: ya but then we would have to mingle with a whole bunch of stiffs...
Winnie: not sure if I could handle that
Barbie: If you want to get into public relations then you better get used to schmoozing with stiffs girl, that's like 90% of the job
Winnie: being in politics means your have to keep up an image....PR'ing means you can "be outside the box" and have no one to answer too...and that baby....is just for me!
Barbie: yeah....I don't want to be in politics. I don't want to try to please everybody and fall flat.....I had enough of that while I was married, lol!
Winnie: no matter what you do or what you say...some asshole is going to turn it around on you....LOL
Barbie: maybe we could just petition our local mp's?
Winnie: for?
Barbie: our 5 year renewable marriage contract idea....you never listen...are you sure you're not a guy?
Winnie: oh sorry, was distracted again....
Winnie: lol
Barbie: ah, the ol' A.D.D. acting up again...
Barbie: stop flirt texting boys and pay attention!!
Winnie: too early for texting....
Winnie: I think it must be a Friday thing....my distractions
Winnie: seems to be a pattern with me...maybe its all the anticipations or the weekend
Barbie: my weekend ahead looks SNORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barbie: you have any big plans?
Winnie: mine too actually, no plans
Barbie: what the?
Winnie: yes...no plans
Winnie: so I’m wide open.....
Winnie: for suggestions that is...lol
Barbie: I'm just not even gonna touch that one...

Big hair and Bad kids

2009-06-17T12:55:00.003-04:00

Winnie: My kids are the worst procrastinators.....
Winnie: wonder where they get that from?
Barbie: bet you'll tell me.....tomorrow....
Barbie: lol
Winnie: ya...something like that
Barbie: what did they do?
Winnie: so #1....he writes his last final today....last day of high school and has not yet filled out and had his volunteer papers signed!
Winnie: #2...his graduation is next Monday...he still has not got his suit
Barbie: uh-oh....and you NEVER would have done that when YOU were in high school, huh?
Winnie: not THAT last minute, lol
Winnie: he's driving me nuts
Barbie: you mean his prom suit or graduation ceremony suit?
Winnie: both... its the same day
Barbie: ok, maybe that's a little bad...lol
Winnie: AND..since he WAITED too long to rent a tux...
Winnie: ...he's decided to buy a suit...and has asked his grandmother to help pay for it
Barbie: but he is a guy....they don't care about things like suits
Barbie: technically, he doesn't have to wear anything under his grad gown...nobody will know...
Winnie: wouldn't put it past him
Winnie: he would definitely be the one to streak the crowd........
Winnie: and now....he has to pick it up...and has not picked up the money from granny
Barbie: so is he asking YOU for the $$?
Winnie: BINGO
Barbie: hmm....this would be one of those "teachable moments"....if you don't plan ahead and don't have money, then you can't buy things...
Winnie: yeppers.....
Barbie: what are you going to do?
Winnie: NOT give him the money
Barbie: wow! kudos!
Winnie: he should have figured that out yesterday BEFORE he spent the afternoon at the beach!!!!!!
Barbie: LOL!!
Winnie: ok...great parenting moment here....I was feeling kind of bad about not giving in....
Winnie: but now that I see it in writing.....It's all good
Barbie: all the books say you are supposed to do exactly as you are doing. It isn't life threatening and it won't damage him permanently so....
Winnie: I know, he has to learn!
Barbie: so...what ARE the girls wearing for prom these days?
Winnie: jewellery...and nothing much else
Winnie: big hair
Barbie: really? big hair is back??
Winnie: it matches their big.......oh forget it
Barbie: seriously....it can't be worse than OUR prom dresses...the 80s must have been the absolute worst years for dresses.....humiliating tributes to "Gone with the Wind".....bows gallore.....waaay too much lace....monster hair...I shudder just thinking about it.
Winnie: let's face it dear....the 80's were humiliating period!!!!!!!!!!!
Barbie: well, secretly, I liked my big hair (not that I would do it again...)
Winnie: thank God!
Barbie: Some people still haven't let it go and may come back into fashion if it returns...
Winnie: well I won’t be waiting for it
Barbie: what? you didn't like your poodle-do?
Winnie: LOL....not
Winnie: I think I permanently fried my brain with all those perms
Winnie: THAT's what's wrong with me......
Barbie: if that's true...then I also must have sporadic brain challenges....
Barbie: rrrrrrr.........tic, tic, tic, tic......ooompaloompa

Metrosexuals Gone Wild!!!

2009-06-16T14:24:00.003-04:00

Winnie: wow..He’s hot....lol...literally!
Barbie: I believe it may be time to start an "anti collar popping mission!"
Winnie: so sad that it has come to that
Barbie: people just abusing the collar popping left and right...
Barbie: Collar popping: just say no!
Winnie: we have to try and save the next generation
Barbie: I have to say that I don't quite get the multiple shirts on top of each other thing.....
Barbie: when did that start?
Winnie: I don’t know...but I don’t like it
Winnie: I'm wondering what I like best...the collars...or the pants below the butts?
Barbie: I have to say....the over tanning.....and the tattoos where they try to appear deep but really everyone has the same ones...lol
Barbie: but have you seen the new trend where men are having their eyebrows waxed? THAT IS THE LIMIT FOR ME.......CREEPY!!!!!!
Barbie: I mean, I like a guy who takes care of himself and everything but this is turning into metrosexuals gone wild!
Winnie: it's a phase....that's what our parents were told when we spiked our hair, pierced our upper ears...ripped our jeans bellow the cheeks...wore neon and black lipstick
Winnie: oh wait.....
Winnie: they still do that....except wear neon...
Winnie: we're in trouble I think
Barbie: lol!!
Barbie: I know....I should talk....we wore some VERY crazy styles....and some of the guys we dated (ahem, Twohandsfull) even wore make up!!!! So I guess this is nothing new...
Barbie: It's just now there is the "attitude" with the douchebag/metrosexual man...."Hey baby, check out my popped collar, faux hawk and fake bake...you want some of this?"
Barbie: and there is a difference between a 16 year old doing it (totally forgivable) and a 38 year old doing it!!
Winnie: if the douchettes keep giving it to them.....they'll never learn lol
Barbie: well, the douchettes don't know any better....
Winnie: why are we on this subject again????
Barbie: hmm....not sure....
Winnie: Are there not any others we can make fun of?
Barbie: oooooo......have you not been out lately? lol
Winnie: I have...kinda
Winnie: and it scares me....douches....everywhere!!
Barbie: this is what I'm saying....they are taking over....!
Barbie: maybe we should just shoot up with botox, fake tan, get implants and join them...
Winnie: I WONT GIVE UP THAT EASY
Barbie: me neither...lol
Barbie: We are now at the age where we either decide to start embracing the signs of aging or we fight....I'm still on the fence but I'm thinking embracing is the only way to go or you end up looking like Joan Rivers!!
Winnie: ya well we'll talk about this in a few years lol
Winnie: just don’t use her doctor lol
Barbie: what? have you ever seen anyone who got a full facelift who doesn't look like the joker??
Barbie: I've been tempted by the "freezers and fillers" I've seen some nice results with that...but my fear is that they have not studied the long term side effects and woops! 15 years from now your face will implode or something...
Winnie: it's sad...so true and then they can’t move their mouths " uat i dint eett a ace ift"
Barbie: yes, have you seen Gene Simmons?? Mary Tyler Moore? And sadly, Mickey Rourke?
Winnie: like I said..so sad
Winnie: but they look good eh????
Winnie: an sooooooooo much younger lol
Winnie: even though we know they've been around for 60 years lol
Barbie: younger....if by younger you mean deformed and vaguely cat-like...
Winnie: lol
Barbie: So here is the question to our peeps out there today.....to fix or not to fix....that is the question...

Post Traumatic Kissing

2009-06-15T12:52:00.001-04:00

Winnie: I wake up this morning like i haven't slept in 3 days (ok maybe its cuz i barely did), i get into a fight with my son...then fight with my ex...Because of my son...and thennnnn, lock myself out of my car!!!! Grrrrrrrreat Monday so far!
Winnie: How are you?
Barbie: well, considerably better than you apparently...
Winnie: that's good
Barbie: I had a pretty good weekend...it's starting to finally feel and look like summer around here!
Winnie: Ya i know, got to relax at the cottage yesterday...I finally have my first official tan lines of the summer...yeaaaaaaaaa
Barbie: ah....I remember that "cottage".....Prince Charming and I had one of our first kisses there!
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how sweet.....(urrrrrkkkkk!!!!!)
Barbie: it wasn't that smooth, we banged teeth, lol....ahh the smooth moves of 15 year olds...
Winnie: no wonder it took you this long to give him another chance...if it was me, he may have not gotten one LOL
Barbie: oh, no it wasn't HIS ineptitude,......it was mine or mutual
Winnie: well i hope you have at least corrected the problem????
Barbie: definitely NOT to worry....
Winnie: ....hmmmmmmmmmm I do remember ANOTHER kissing disaster episode....remember tall guy on the motorcycle???? The one who almost swallowed your face while we the girls watched from the tent???
Barbie: Yes.....I think I still have post traumatic stress disorder episodes from that!! EEEWWWW!!
Winnie: so do we....lol
Winnie: his brother was a good kisser.... ;)
Barbie: I believe I was PUSHED to try to date that guy by YOU and some others....ahem...
Winnie: ahhhhhhhh...yes you were more easily influenced back then....lol
Barbie: this is why you have NO influence on me whatsoever now....you have led me astray in the past...ha, ha
Winnie: ya whatever....
Barbie: well, let's just say that the kiss with PC was waaaaayyyy better than with motorcycle guy....banging teeth and all...
Winnie: enough about you....since I need a good boost today, I am dedicating this next song to all my fans out there
Winnie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85pEqCAhNzg
Barbie: well.....at least you're confident...lol
Barbie: I am going with this song this week....not just for it's catchiness but for it's sheer lyrical genius (with a nod to Twohandsfull)....
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whbTXgYOXgI
Barbie: Best line: " I go ooo-oooo you go aaah-ahhh....la, la, la? la, la, la, la"......so deep and eloquent
Winnie: nice....DEEEEEEPPPPPP
Barbie: about as deep as I get early on a Monday morning...
Winnie: you need to get out more
Barbie: yes.....tell me something I don't know.
Barbie: I have big travel plans as soon as I win the lottery...
Winnie: oh really............
Barbie: yep....
Barbie: I'm due for my huge lottery win any day now (this week even) if the "secret" is right...lol
Winnie: oh really...........
Barbie: is that all you say now?
Winnie: no........
Barbie: that's refreshing...
Winnie: I’m just waiting to hear your big plans. Nothing is exciting me more right now
Winnie: cant' you tell?
Barbie: you need to get out more...

How to spot a douche bag.....

2009-06-12T10:06:00.005-04:00

Barbie: ok....today's discussion is going to be on the definition of a douche bag....

Barbie: I have had people ask...."Barbie, what is a douche bag?"
Barbie: so here it is....
Barbie: 1- Common, domestic douche bag found in most bars and frat parties...
Winnie: Hey! I know him!
Winnie: lol
Barbie: ...don't we all....lol

Barbie: 2- "Barbie? Can women be douche bags?" The answer is surprisingly YES!! Here is an example of the Douchette....
Barbie: Sometimes they are wanna be strippers or porn stars but always they are trying waaaayyy toooo haard!!
Winnie: ouchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Winnie: glad I don’t know anyone like that...lol
Barbie: believe it or not, this woman USED to be attractive...now she looks like a transvestite!
Winnie: but she still looks at herself in the mirror everyday and says: "Damn I look good!"
Barbie: Well, in all honesty, there IS a market for douche bags and douchettes out there but it isn't MY target crowd...lol

Barbie: and finally, the most contemporary look in douche bags (very popular in the over 35 crowd) The Euro Douche...
Barbie: you can always recognize the Euro douche by the dress shirt unbuttoned waaaay too low, over tanning and aviator glasses... sometimes they also sport too much bling and almost always have a blackberry, blue tooth or iphone in their hands or to their ears..
Barbie: The "faux-hawk" is also a popular look with them...
Winnie: I like the faux-hawk
Winnie: I do
Winnie: under 35 though
Barbie: it can work if you are a rock star of sorts but if you work in an office....not so much, lol
Winnie: doesn’t go with a suit....no
Winnie: but with flip flops?????
Barbie: everything goes with flip flops...

Divorce Rocks!!!!

2009-06-11T13:16:00.002-04:00

Winnie: waiting long?
Barbie: nah…not really...
Winnie: you were supposed to say " all my life"
Barbie: maybe you can get guys to say that to you....but not me...
Winnie: tough crowd
Barbie: so what's new and exciting?
Winnie: same crap as always… ..kids and exes...all driving me nuts
Winnie: I need a good night out so I can drink and forget it all…
Winnie: and maybe make a fool of myself lol
Barbie: ha, ha...yes, I could use a fun girls out night myself.
Barbie: Same issue on my end...exes.....ah....can't wait for the drama to end...
Winnie: didn’t you just have a girl’s night out?
Barbie: did I? I guess I need another one...lol
Winnie: notice how the drama is coming from the guys???????
Barbie: Also, I think my "divorce manual" got lost in the mail so I am just winging it...
Barbie: yes....interesting......I am looking forward to a drama free life.....or at least ME being able to CHOOSE the drama
Winnie: I'm soooooooooooooooo not dramatic
Winnie: hahahahaha
Barbie: nooooooooooooooooooooo not you!!!!
Winnie: I only like my own drama...everyone else's I can do without
Barbie: well, I just cannot wait to have everything finalized and done....
Winnie: hold on dear...it's a coming
Barbie: yep.....I can glimpse it from time to time and it keeps me going. Already I'm much happier.....let's name some things about being divorced that rock....
Barbie: -Sleeping in the middle of the bed!!
Barbie: -Not having to do another adult's laundry!!
Barbie: -Making what you like for supper!
Barbie: -Going to bed when you feel like it!
Winnie: not having anyone to tell you you're Marie Antoinette!
Barbie: ?????, k…..lol
Barbie: -Not having anyone expect you to read their minds!!
Barbie: -Watching chick flicks!
Barbie: -enjoying hanky panky again!
Winnie: I did that anyways....screw them
Winnie: (...I meant the chick flicks)
Barbie: -Not having to "run plans by" anyone.
Winnie: I didn't do that anyways
Barbie: are you sure you were married?
Barbie: -sounds like you had some freedom in your marriage anyway....
Winnie: that's cuz I wasn't technically married, just living together for many years…
Barbie: After my fiasco, the thought of marriage again is terrifying....
Winnie: hey...maybe that's why he calls me Marie Antoinette???? My independence?
Barbie: Did you make him eat cake? lol
Winnie: no I ate it all
Winnie: NO CAKE FOR YOU!!!!!!
Barbie: lol, good girl!
Barbie: Mine would have said "I wanted chocolate cake, not vanilla cake, what's wrong with you" and I would have said "you didn't tell me you wanted chocolate cake" and he would have said "you should have known!! Just for that, I'm not talking to you for the next three days"!
Winnie: I would have thrown the cake in his face .... lol
Barbie: I wish you could date my ex now.....just for the sheer enjoyment of watching you put him in his place..
Barbie: now THAT would be drama!!
Winnie: you bettcha...
Winnie: so..what should Winnie do this weekend? (other than work)
Barbie: hmmm.....summer stuff? Maybe bbq, go out on a patio somewhere for drinks? Maybe Sangria?
Winnie: sounds good...now I need a partner!
Barbie: well, I'm coming down in a couple of weeks so if you can hang on...
Winnie: Don't worry...I have plenty to go around! lol
Winnie: Like you were worried???
Barbie: LOL! um. no.
Barbie: I know you have enough to go around...
Barbie: and then some.
Winnie: ;)
Winnie: you betcha!

Dating Big Cars!

2009-06-10T12:50:00.002-04:00

Barbie: what's that? you don't know what it is like to be from my hometown? Well let me show you....
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRmVkIkfcdY&feature=fvw
Winnie: soooo funny
Barbie: isn't it true though?
Winnie: "ohhhhhhhhh yea...Tonight is de night! "
Winnie: I think I dated him once?
Winnie: I had to let him go..the singing was too much
Barbie: I think we have ALL dated of version of him...lol
Winnie: Thank god we're over that lol
Barbie: oh....they are still out there.....saw plenty of them at "the hut" when I was there last time...lol
Winnie: I try not to look
Barbie: The version of him that I dated in high school also used to drink like, 27 cans of Pepsi a day.....
Winnie: now it's 27 bottles of Bud!
Barbie: Ya....if you think sober guy is bad, you should see him drunk...lol
Winnie: yewwwwwwwwwwww...and then he gets all "touchy feely"
Barbie: "oooo baby....tonight is de night.....did you see my car?"
Barbie: "I make sooo much de cash.....want for me to buy you somethin'?"
Winnie: LOL...maybe you could buy a life first!!!!
Barbie: PS- (and I know this will be shocking to a lot of men out there) BMWs are not impressive cars. It says...."I am a drug dealer" or "I am under 35 and really, really want to impress girls"
Winnie: so you're saying you can’t own a nice care under 35?
Winnie: or does that just pertain to guys?
Barbie: oh no....you can own a nice car...but the BMW has a particular type of owner, I find.
Winnie: to a degree i suppose
Winnie: so what is acceptable then if you're financially secure, single and under 35?
Barbie: pretty much anything else......except a Hummer.....they have certain problems too...lol
Winnie: ya...like...why do you need an army all terrain tank in the city???
Barbie: this is exactly what I'm sayin' yo.....lol
Winnie: I'm a "CSI wanna be"
Barbie: ...and clearly they do not care about the environment so therefore they probably hate kids...
Winnie: do you really think guys are that "deep"?? lol
Barbie: no...THEY don't realize what they are saying with their cars....it's subconscious
Winnie: guys with little……..want big cars?
Barbie: you know....I think there might be something to that theory...
Winnie: maybe we should research? lol
Barbie: I know YOU want to take that research on and I'll just take your word for it...k?
Winnie: i'll let you know how it turns out
Barbie: Alrighty then...
Winnie: ok...serious question
Winnie: how many dates does it take for you to say that you are "dating" someone?
Barbie: I would say 4 dates.
Barbie: what were you thinking?
Winnie: don’t know, that's why I asked
Winnie: but then again, don’t both parties have to agree on the terms?
Winnie: so it could be more than that!
Winnie: or less LOL
Barbie: No. I think if you have gone on and continue to go on dates then you are "dating". Whether it is a relationship, well...THEN both parties both need to be on the same page...
Winnie: hmmmmmmmmmmm interesting
Winnie: do you realize, that I don’t think I've ever "dated" before
Barbie: well, "dating" wasn't an option when we were younger....either you were in a relationship or you weren't. Our generation didn't do "dating".
Winnie: too bad, its fun lol
Barbie: it's a good option for people who want to see what's out there and do not want to commit to one person at the moment.
Winnie: it's still tricky...oh well!
Winnie: ok...second question
Barbie: shoot
Winnie: how many guys can you "date" at the same time?
Winnie:…not that I am lol
Barbie: well, I think a couple to a few....otherwise you might be entering "ho" territory....lol.....and you have to be upfront with everyone. They should ALL know that you are dating several people if that is the case...
Winnie: yes of course....I think I may be to old for this lol
Barbie: ya.....can't say I'm much of a "dater". I pretty much know within a date or two if it someone I want to get involved with.
Barbie: I guess I am what they call a "serial monogamist"
Barbie: what do you call yourself?
Winnie: when i figure it out, I'll let you know

Vintage Birth Control?

2009-06-09T12:47:00.001-04:00

Winnie: bella!
Winnie: I'm as good as new!!!!
Barbie: good stuff! Good to hear!
Winnie: doc says I'll live....lol
Barbie: well, that's always good. The alternative is a real bummer. lol
Winnie: but someone needs to add B12 to poutine...I'm lacking
Barbie: ah....aren't we all....I take a b-complex now.
Winnie: i hate getting old
Barbie: I don't use the word "old".....I prefer "retro chic"
Winnie: NICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCE
Barbie: or...."vintage"
Winnie: not me...
Winnie: vintage is old... no matter how you say it
Barbie: ya but it's old and sophisticated and in demand....lol
Winnie: sure, if you say so
Barbie: I want to age gracefully....not be one of those 60 year olds in a leather miniskirt and rocker t-shirts...
Winnie: oh...like the ladies back home?
Barbie: EXACTLY!!! lol
Winnie: you better stay in the big city then
Winnie: i snuck in my mom's closet and threw out her leather minis...was a close call
Barbie: every time I go back home I see a very unusual amount of hairspray and leather mini's on women over 50.....bad scene, lol
Barbie: you are a good daughter for saving her...
Barbie: God Bless you!!
Winnie: ya i know...she'll thank me sooner or later
Winnie: but you have to promise me that you'll save ME if need be...after a few years back I may need your help
Barbie: Yes, I am prepared to do an intervention if necessary......"step away from the tanning bed..."...lol
Winnie: nooooooooooooooo not the bed
Winnie: "I Winnie...promise to use the tanning bed in moderation"
Barbie: well, if you keep fakin' bakin' it, you'll look old waaaay before I do sista....
Winnie: lol
Barbie: Remember our high school gym teacher? She had "old leather shoe face" from tanning beds.....wasn't pretty...
Winnie: ya...lots of stuff about her wasn't pretty...
Winnie: but the hockey boys didn’t think so
Barbie: ahh...the good ol' days before the law stepped in when a teacher was dating students (if dating is what you want to call it)
Barbie: I just remember her giving us our "sex ed" talk....she walked in and said these exact words "if a guy tells you that cum is good for your complexion, it's only because he wants a blow job".......we were in grade nine and you could hear a pin drop after that....
Barbie: she also brought in her own birth control examples because she found the example ones too dated...LOL!!
Winnie: i still hear those words in my head...I swear people don’t believe me when I tell them that story
Winnie: and I still see her Diaphragm and half used tube of KY
Barbie: I will swear for you...I was there!!! Shocking!!!!
Barbie: slightly different than the sex ed speech I had just received the year before in Catholic school, given by a priest. "Don't do it or you're going to hell"....
Winnie: no wonder I’m so confused lol
Barbie: He also told the boys that it was a bad, bad sin to masturbate....and you could see the guilt on all their faces...lol
Winnie: ohhhhhh they cried all the way home lol
Barbie: ...and then did it anyway....lol
Barbie: maybe that's why Catholic girls are such bad asses....they figure early on.."well, at this point I'm going to hell anyway....so might as well have some fun before I get there..."
Winnie: guess they never taught reverse psychology back then
Barbie: I wouldn't change anything about my schooling but some of the things they told us were absolutely nuts!
Barbie: I remember my grade six teacher telling us that Michael Jackson and Abba were devil music and it was proven that if you played it backwards you could hear Satan himself saying stuff.....
Barbie: ahhh...your taxpayer dollars hard at work...
Barbie: So of course we ALL ruined our record players by trying to see if it was true...lol
Winnie: and kept that penny in our pockets
Barbie: what penny?
Winnie: the penny that sat on the needle
Barbie: oh ya...lol
Winnie: wake up!
Barbie: I don't get why some people are trying to make "vinyl" cool again....records sucked...they got all scratched up and the quality was terrible...
Winnie: vintage my dear!!!!! lol
Winnie: see what I mean?
Barbie: exactly...vintage......older, but cool and still in demand....just like us....

Pornos and Milk Cartons

2009-06-08T13:05:00.002-04:00

Winnie: hello
Barbie: Hi!
Winnie: I HATE MONDAYS!
Barbie: uh-oh....you KNOW this is gonna be bad...
Winnie: i used to not mind them...but now that I know in 6 weeks I'm leaving...I HATE THEM!
Winnie: lol
Barbie: ah....
Winnie: the nice thing about leaving is that Mondays won't be Mondays anymore, they'll be like Saturdays!
Barbie: lol....yes, I guess that is a perk...
Barbie: did you have a good weekend at least?
Winnie: very nice...i like my new job
Winnie: better than the one i have now, anyway lol
Barbie: excellent....
Barbie: I also had a great weekend....too short of course, but great anyway...
Winnie: but a new job is like a new lover....it's always hot in the beginning
Barbie: true that sista!
Winnie: but when you know there is a better one around the corner....it's not so much fun anymore
Barbie: are you talking about lovers or jobs now?
Winnie: lol both, im comparing
Barbie: ah....lol
Winnie: new job=new boyfriend
Barbie: gotcha...
Barbie: you would be proud of me this weekend...
Winnie: why is that??
Barbie: I ate cold pasta right out of the container and drank wine right out of the bottle while watching mindless television...
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhhhh I knew you could do it
Barbie: lol, see? I can get crazy...
Winnie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=387ZDGSKVSg
Winnie: there's my song for the week lol, dedicated to YOU!
Barbie: lol....
Barbie: next thing you know I'll throw my towels on the floor and drink milk right out the the carton...
Winnie: NOW NOW...dont push it
Barbie: afraid I will steal your thunder? lol
Winnie: yes....I'll have to start going to the library and baking or something
Barbie: baking? I hate baking and cooking....have we met yet?
Winnie: who cooked the cold pasta then?
Barbie: well me, but I didn't necessarily like cooking it....cooking is something I do out of necessity, not because I love it, like some people.
Winnie: oh you mean...like sex?
Winnie: for some lol
Barbie: what? like when you are married? having sex out of necessity? lol
Winnie: yes
Barbie: ya....there's nothing like feeling like you HAVE to do something to make you not like it...lol
Winnie: that's why I like eating out....
Winnie: lol
Barbie: always a lot of variety to choose from?
Winnie: and the deserts are always good...
Barbie: ok, porn head...
Winnie: what???
Barbie: lol
Barbie: by the way....when did pornos become porn?
Barbie: I remember when we were teenagers and people used to watch "pornos" now they watch "porn"...
Barbie: wonder why everyone switched...
Barbie: lol
Winnie: after pornographic films became pornos
Barbie: I remember a music group called "Porno for Pyros"...I wonder if they changed their names to "Porn for Pyros"
Winnie: did you watch pornos are a teenager???
Barbie: Nope. The only one I ever saw was at our mutual friend's house. Her father had a large collection and we watched "Debbie Does Dallas" at a slumber party...remember?
Winnie: "Debbie does Dallas"....wow, everyone in our generation was broken in by that one
Winnie: then came..."Porky's"
Winnie: the "American Pie" of our time
Winnie: ahhhhhhhhh the good old days
Barbie: Oh ya....."Two hands full" and I stole the key for her pay tv box and snuck down in the middle of the night to watch Porky's...lol
Winnie: soooooooo bad lol
Winnie: I think I managed to rent it out of the video store....now..was that on Beta or VHS????
Barbie: ahh....good ol' Beta...lol
Winnie: and the remote with the wire
Winnie: how techno!
Barbie: with one button ......"pause"...
Winnie: LOL
Winnie: but then it took 35 seconds of film for it to stop
Winnie: and 45 to start again...
Winnie: so you had to "rewind" it...and always missed your mark
Barbie: ya....ah...the good ol' days...
Winnie: want to go back???
Barbie: there are times when I wouldn't mind a couple of weeks back in high school, just for kicks.
Winnie: ya me too...I'd get a few kicks too...
Winnie: lol
Winnie: but boys didn't know what they were doing then...
Barbie: very true!!
Winnie: I like the grown up version better :)
Barbie: True that sista!

Trampy Teas?

2009-06-05T09:33:00.002-04:00

Winnie: morning!
Barbie: good morning
Winnie: I suppose it is yes
Winnie: so did you read the "trash Winnie" comments
Barbie: ya....what's up with that? I think they are just joking, how could they not love you??
Winnie: i dont know....my feelings are hurt
Winnie: i am a nice gal...and not THAT trashy am I????
Barbie: of course you are nice....otherwise I would not be your friend all these years and trashy, well......trashy with a heart of gold...how's that?
Barbie: lol
Winnie: frig off
Barbie: ok, maybe not trashy.....FUN with a heart of gold...
Barbie: you are not white trash.
Winnie: I have been well behaved considering all my admirers …lol
Barbie: and being from our hometown I KNOW what trash looks like...lol
Barbie: you are not it.
Winnie: I feel much better now..thanks
Winnie: you really cleared that up for those out there that don’t know me
Barbie: I think people out there know that we are both not as extreme as we come across on the blog
Winnie: It wouldn't be fun if I wasn't a virtual slut and you a virtual square!
Barbie: exactly......yin and yang is so much more exciting than two people who agree on everything....
Barbie: but I do tend to be a bit on the reserved side and you tend to be a bit on the wild side so we balance each other out...
Winnie: see....
Winnie: SO TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE.....I'M NOT A REAL SLUT! I JUST PLAY ONE ON TV!
Barbie: ahem.........
Barbie: yes, slut is maybe a strong word....
Barbie: a little racy maybe
Winnie: what?
Barbie: I meant no, you are not a slut, but you are definitely a little racy...
Winnie: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Winnie: well now i feel MUCH better lol
Barbie: the ol' A.D.D. acting up again? lol
Winnie: lack of caffeine
Barbie: gotcha!
Winnie: no darn cream for my coffee today. I had to use milk...what the &*% is with that
Winnie: who buys groceries around here?
Barbie: well, you know how I am.....I put skim milk in my tea and don't even drink coffee...
Winnie: milk in tea...yes. Milk in coffee....what is the point?
Barbie: hmm....don't know. Never really been a coffee drinker. I am the queen of tea....I must have 20 varieties in my cupboard....
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh you are such a wild one
Barbie: see? I can get crazy...lol
Winnie: but i bet you keep going back to the same ones????
Barbie: nope. I like variety....I switch it up daily....who knew huh?
Winnie: wow, I'm impressed
Winnie: variety...the spice of life...lol....
Winnie: how appropriate!!!!
Barbie: oh yes....I agree
Winnie: See we are the same...just our outlets are different
Winnie: ;)
Barbie: not necessarily....
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the truth comes out!!!!!!!!
Winnie: hear that folks????
Winnie: so I admit....i like tea!
Barbie: leave it to you to think I was talking about sex...lol
Winnie: i was talking about tea
Barbie: yes, you NEVER have your mind in the gutter....
Winnie: i have no idea what you are talking about
Barbie: that's ok, I have no idea what I am talking about either...
Winnie: so the story goes.....

Dimitri the stud and other menaces to single women

2009-06-04T12:49:00.004-04:00

Barbie: listen to this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhofSilF05k
Winnie: so far this is crazzzzzyy llol
Barbie: wait 'til you get to the second message....
Winnie: just started
Winnie: nothing wrong with him?????? yeaaaaaaaaaah
Winnie: lol.. abused as a child.....cancer?
Barbie: I am speechless.....can you imagine??????
Winnie: LMAO....holy frig lol
Winnie: Passive aggressive disorder lol
Winnie: i'm laughing so hard im going to throw up my lunch
Barbie: I personally like the line "believe it or not, I'm a great catch".....I choose NOT to believe it...lol
Barbie: I don't know if I should laugh or cry and be disturbed....
Winnie: ...well if there is nothing wrong with you psychologicaly..call me
Winnie: oh God...so funny
Barbie: I think this guy MAY have been at the club I was at last weekend...LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Winnie: i have heartburn now from laughing so hard…
Barbie: all I can say is anytime I ever meet a guy called Dimitri I will run screaming....lol
Barbie: my question is, what kind of brain damaged woman would call him back??
Barbie: At least he "outed" himself as a psycho over the phone and she didn't have to meet him in person to find out...
Winnie: this makes me wonder about being single again
Barbie: let me tell ya.......I think they should hunt this guy down.....I bet HE'S on medication....or at least he should be...
Barbie: this makes me think of a movie I once saw....a hilarious scene in it....
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0PUrNwvvBk
Barbie: did you watch the scene?......painful....lol
Winnie: lol
Winnie: duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Barbie: LOL!!!!
Winnie: HELP.....
Barbie: It's like watching torture!!
Winnie: no kidding
Winnie: and here i though Maxine the old cartoon lady had it right
Winnie: lol
Winnie: and by the way...I'm not good at delayed gratification either (mentioning earlier post)
Barbie: lol...ya, I noticed....

Ex strippers and useless panties !

2009-06-02T12:53:00.002-04:00

Barbie: lol, just laughing at your profile pic and comment...
Winnie: funny eh?
Barbie: ya
Winnie: that's me..disturbed and funny
Barbie: well, definitely disturbed anyway...lol
Winnie: you can't take it back...you already agreed I was funny
Barbie: yes, you are definitely funny.
Barbie: ....looking
Winnie: ahhh don't start!
Barbie: so, what are you listening this week?
Winnie: and I'm listening to the same stuff i was listening to last week
Barbie: so, what you are saying is that you listen to ONE song for two weeks straight?
Winnie: No...but the same CD
Barbie: so pick a different song then...
Winnie: ok...how's this one...Bad Girlfriend... Theory of a Deadman
Winnie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35liUfauluU
Winnie: See? I was nice, i sent you the R rated instead of X rated version
Barbie: ya, I've heard this one....funny
Winnie: don't want to make you blush
Barbie: tsss...
Barbie: is this song about you?
Winnie: ahhhhhhhh could be
Barbie: ...oookaaaayyy......on a lighter note, I have been listening to this one again....forgot about it for awhile but it's back on my playlist again....John Mayer's cover of Free Fallin'
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLW6G6LYLt4
Winnie: nice...i like him
Barbie: ya, he is cute as a button.
Winnie: ya...I'd let him feel me up
Barbie: who wouldn't you let feel you up....
Barbie: AAAHHHHH BURN!
Winnie: true
Winnie: At least I don't hide that I'm easy!!!!!!!!
Barbie: no you certainly do NOT
Barbie: lol
Winnie: lol, you only live once
Barbie: alrighty then....lol
Winnie: So i have a "bra and panty" shopping date tonight
Barbie: what the hell?
Barbie: you are letting someone pick out your underwear?
Winnie: you mean you've never had one of those?
Barbie: I just think that you may end up with a whole lot of crotchless panties....lol
Winnie: I dont use the ones I have now
Winnie: useless
Barbie: that was just something I didn't need to know...you are the only woman I know who actually ASPIRES to be a cheap cougar....sigh....what am I gonna do with you?
Barbie: You bring out my maternal side....I always feel like grounding you....or shipping you to boarding school.
Winnie: So...I had planned on shopping tonight and "date" said he would join me.
Winnie: and I didnt even tell him what I was shopping for....boy won't he be surprised?
Barbie: (fingers in ears) too much information.....la, la, la....
Winnie: it's the truth...I swear
Barbie: don't forget that I am also friends with "date" and there are some things I don't need to know....lol
Winnie: What? You don't wear underwear?
Barbie: That is just something I would rather not broadcast to the entire world....I am a woman of mystery (it's my thing, lol)
Winnie: but it's ok to make me sound like the trampy one....nicccccccccccccce
Barbie: ....sound like? lol
Barbie: The only person I have EVER seen offend you is that guy at the hut that tried to bite your boob!
Winnie: Let's just say this....I'm just keeping my options open
Winnie: oh the chick who tried to pick me up on saturday night, she offended me, kind of... lol
Barbie: oh yes...you did seem a bit surprised by that too...lol
Winnie: Flattered...but surprised! lol
Barbie: was that the first time a woman has tried to pick you up?
Winnie: That strongly? Oh yeah!...I don't think I would have been as uncomfortable if all my "guy" friends and HER HUSBAND were not standing around watching it happen!
Barbie: Prince Charming said she used to be a stripper...
Winnie: no shit
Barbie: what? you are surpised by that? lol
Winnie: well her body was a investment for sure !
Barbie: lol
Winnie: Guess I should be flattered
Barbie: why is that?
Winnie: ...then maybe not, you didn’t see the trash that was there
Barbie: lol
Winnie: oh well...chalk it up to another night at the Hut!
Barbie: Always exciting!

Flip Flops and Wanna' be Lesbians

2009-06-01T13:07:00.002-04:00

Winnie says: ring ring!
Barbie says: hello?
Winnie says: ring ring
Barbie says: I said hello!
Winnie says: oh...sorry
Winnie says: my mind was pre-occupied
Barbie says: no...not you, my add girl.
Barbie says: what was your mind preoccupied about or dare I ask?
Winnie says: what?
Barbie says: GEEZ, are you sure you can function enough to have a discussion today?
Winnie says: long weekend
Winnie says: add girl?
Barbie says: Attention Deficit Disorder.
Winnie says: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Barbie says: so, how was your weekend?
Winnie says: and that's A.D.D. girl to you!
Winnie says: very eventful...
Winnie says: and your's?
Barbie says: also very eventful....giggle.
Winnie says: I tried out a new job and a new guy!
Barbie says: and?
Winnie says: i think i may like it
Barbie says: which one, the job or the guy?
Winnie says: time will tell ;)
Barbie says: So, as I said I was going to, I went to an adult club on Saturday night with some girlfriends...
Winnie says: who cares
Winnie says: we were talking about me
Barbie says: well, don't let me stop you Narcista!
Barbie says: what else did you want to share about the new job/guy?
Winnie says: date night was verrrrrrrrry nice...
Winnie says: the pasta was great too
Winnie says: ok...all I’m going to say for now...
Winnie says: it's your turn, go ahead!
Barbie says: the experience of going to an adult club in yuppyville was nauseating...
Barbie says: If you are not EXACTLY sure what a cougar is, that is the place to go to solidify your definition....
Winnie says: can you be a cougar under 40?
Barbie says: ...those cougars were predators....
Barbie says: and the men were worse!!
Winnie says: i would have thought the opposite
Barbie says: They should have all had status bars over their heads reading "I will literally do ANYTHING to go home with you tonight"....
Winnie says: horny women are more dangerous than horny men...men learn to hide and control it most of their lives
Winnie says: i think it must have been in the stars...cuz it was crazy like that at the Hut Saturday night too
Barbie says: was it "everyone is desperate for sex night" everywhere in Ontario Saturday night or what?
Winnie says: everyone seemed to be walking douchebags!!! lol
Barbie says: yes, I have also noticed a rise in douchebag culture these days, lol
Barbie says: and can I just say this?
Winnie says: go ahead, you will anyways
Barbie says: I like to dance as much as the next person...and I don't think I'm terrible at it...but I have to say, the dance floor should be closed to people over 35 except for slow dancing....
Barbie says: I have NEVER witnessed so many bad dancers in my life....the "robot" was alive and well on Saturday night...lol
Winnie says: how else are you supposed to get noticed?
Barbie says: apparently by kissing other women full on the mouth...
Barbie says: I find the whole "fake lesbian" trend sooooo tiresome.
Barbie says: are men REALLY that gullible?
Winnie says: ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I hear ya...guess they were all out too on saturday! lol
Winnie says: and yes they are
Barbie says: What's that you say? Feel that you are a bit mousy and insecure? Find that you are not getting noticed in bars? Try Fake Lesbianism....works every time at getting a man's attention....
Barbie says: SAD!!!
Winnie says: but then it also depends on what kind of guy you're hoping to attract
Winnie says: then again....guess it really doesn’t matter lol
Winnie says: they mostly all fall for it
Barbie says: I can just imagine the guys "you know.....I had a really great gal on my arm and was having a good time, but then...these two gross, desperate chicks started making out at another table, so I ditched my classy woman and made a bee line for the lesbians....you can imagine my surprise the next morning when I realized that she was a very clingy psycho"...lol
Winnie says: who wasn’t a lesbian after all....
Barbie says: Newsflash!!!! If a woman is REALLY a lesbian, she is into cropped hair, manish, rosy o'donnell types....not just chicks at bars...lol
Barbie says: k, that's my rant for today...
Winnie says: are you sure?
Barbie says: we'll see, lol
Winnie says: I’m quiet today...
Barbie says: do I dare ask why?
Winnie says: CUZ I'M TIRED!!!! Did I not tell you that earlier, how come you're not listening to me?
Barbie says: well, I didn't equate tired with quiet....I happen to babble relentlessly when I am tired....have you not noticed?
Winnie says: ya...i did
Barbie says: I have one more rant......men who wear too much jewellery...
Barbie says: I have never been into the whole "huge diamond" on both ears thing for guys (along with a big, thick chain)
Winnie says: what is acceptable then?
Barbie says: in terms of jewellery?
Winnie says: lol....sure....
Winnie says: if that's what you want to talk about
Winnie says: duhhhhhhhhh
Barbie says: I have to say I don't like much jewellery at all on a man.
Barbie says: not big on earrings (especially over 30)
Winnie says: i agree
Barbie says: not much for big necklaces of any kind really....
Barbie says: maybe a ring (as long as it isn't a wedding band), lol
Winnie says: hmmm, depends , I don’t mind a bracelet or a ring either
Winnie says: wedding or not!
Winnie says: lol...kidding!
Barbie says: ya, for some reason I also don't mind a bracelet...
Barbie says: and on an unrelated topic, I like a man in flip flops....why is that?
Winnie says: I like it too......
Winnie says: strange
Barbie says: weird....
Winnie says: lol
Barbie says: can't explain it...I find it sexy....
Winnie says: but if he has really ugly toes.....not so much
Barbie says: maybe there is something a bit hippy-ish about it?
Barbie says: I don't know.
Winnie says: i like the R&R look
Barbie says: I also like a suit
Winnie says: laid back and enjoy life....as much as I like a guy in a suit
Winnie says: they both have their place
Barbie says: I agree.
Barbie says: but I know we both don't like the new "trying too hard douchebag" look...
Winnie says: so let's agree that neither of us like the ...I was in an 80's music video look!
Barbie says: collar up, shirt unbuttoned (too many) usually a big ugly necklace
Barbie says: ya, I agree.
Winnie says: ok...stop...I just had lunch
Barbie says: oh, you know what other man trend I never liked?
Barbie says: the chain on the wallet....what was with that???
Winnie says: LOL
Winnie says: or Velcro ones
Barbie says: It says "I am so stupid that I am not capable of keeping track of my money" what girls says "ooooo....I'm all over that!"
Barbie says: ya, velcro equals bill gates sex appeal...lol
Winnie says: well......bill gates I’m sure has someone else carry his velcro
Barbie says: true dat!

Bud Light Lime and other very important news...

2009-05-29T10:02:00.000-04:00

Winnie: Morning!
Barbie: hey there......we made it!! Friday!
Barbie: so....I am very excited about about the news of the release of "Bud light Lime" in Canada....lol.....apparently it is a good drink for "chicks"...
Winnie: have you not anything else to talk about today?
Barbie: also big news in my life....I am seriously considering joining a gym....first time I would PAY to belong to one (used to be a personal trainer)
Winnie: I’m so lazy this week....i did my stretching in bed...before i got up lol
Winnie: this rain is killing me
Barbie: I haven't been exercising lately either.....it used to be my release from frustration of my ex...but now that I am alone, I am perfectly content and find that my work out regime has been suffering...lol
Winnie: got to get back into it hun...nothing like it
Barbie: yep, so either I start getting strict with myself again, or I join the gym....we'll see...
Winnie: but yet I suppose too ...if I had nothing to vent about, my runs wouldn't be as intense lol
Barbie: this is what I'm saying....I used to have the best runs of my life when my life was in shambles...lol
Winnie: buy a DVD...much cheaper
Barbie: yes, but some of the ladies from work belong to a gym here and it might give me some more social time...ps: I hate work out videos and I'm not much for classes either...
Winnie: as long as it's not at Curves....
Winnie: something about that place makes me feel old and fat lol
Winnie: and there are no men there to look at
Barbie: LOL!! I'm still qualified as a personal trainer for God's sake, as IF I'd go to Curves...LOL
Winnie: ;)
Winnie: OK...time for my crisis
Winnie: it's "Date day" and I have a HUGE pimple on my cheek.....
Barbie: LMAO!!!!!!!!
Winnie: go *&(^% figure
Barbie: just the universe showing you who is really in control and keeping your ego in check...lol
Winnie: ya ya ya
Barbie: try cold compresses all day.....maybe it will keep it under wraps until at least tomorrow...
Winnie: I’m 30'sssssss something .... this should NOT be happening
Winnie: frig frig frigggggggggggggggg
Barbie: what a crock THAT is!!! I'm thinking the "no pimples after 30" thing is a big fat lie....
Winnie: I have more zits now that I did in High school...
Winnie: and here we thought back then that life was sooooooooooooooooooo stressfull
Winnie: reality check!
Barbie: God.....imagine if we could live life in reverse???? High school would be QUITE the party!!!!!!!!!
Barbie: we would all realize how hot we were back then and have wisdom and confidence to boot......look out!!!!
Winnie: and we wouldn’t have to worry about passing our classes and graduating...would have done it already !! lol
Barbie: man......this way was poorly planned I think....lol....
Winnie: no shit
Barbie: then again, we would still end up helpless, dependant on our family and in diapers...
Barbie: lol
Winnie: talking to someone who may have to move back in with mom and dad!!!
Winnie: so I entered a bunch of contests this morning...went through my mags and found a whole bunch....If I win a "gettaway" will you come with me????
Barbie: sure! where are we going if you win?
Barbie: ps- I NEED to update my passport!!!! (working on it)
Winnie: ya me too...it expired in May
Barbie: oops! what a pain.....and now you even need one to cross the border for pizza! DRAG!! Trombino's will go under!
Winnie: man...haven’t been there in a longgggggggggggggg time
Winnie: I'd like NewYork...but no beaches there...so them maybe LA???
Barbie: I'd like to do some exploring in New York....I think I'm more of a New York girl than an LA girl....(prolly cuz I'm pale, educated and don't have implants...lol)
Winnie: lol
Winnie: New York is amazing
Barbie: I've been there a few times but haven't done any in depth site seeing...
Barbie: I basically just got yelled at by a lot of people...lol
Winnie: Im a NY gal myself....what I lack in chest size...I make up for shopping
Barbie: there you go....lol
Barbie: I have a great cousin who is an actor in NYC....he would love to host us...
Barbie: You would LOVE him....he also models...
Winnie: nothing like grrrrrrreat cousins...
Winnie: as long as they aren't your own lol
Winnie: so..let’s get our passports in order...and New York...here we come!!!
Barbie: the world benefits from my gorgeous cousins....I just don't, lol
Winnie: ;)
Winnie: we'll just have to wait until one of us wins the lottery though hahaha
Barbie: my turn is coming soon....you watch...
Winnie: im watchin'
Barbie: PS Winnie….you actually have to BUY lottery tickets if you plan on winning…ahem…giggle.
Winnie: Ya, I guess that would help.

The "Archie" theory

2009-05-28T12:56:00.003-04:00

Barbie says: k....breaking news....
Barbie says: http://www.nationalpost.com/arts/story.html?id=1636709
Barbie says: thoughts please?
Winnie says: I know...I can't believe it
Barbie says: Archie....what a goofball!!
Winnie says: he must be broke...needs the inheritance
Barbie says: So it just goes to show that men must love high maintenance women...
Winnie says: it’s a pity proposal
Barbie says: maybe I should start being more high maintenance....
Barbie says: lol
Winnie says: ya cuz your lack of admirers is starting to worry me ...
Barbie says: lol
Barbie says: look who's talkin' !
Winnie says: ya, well I'm not worried about me
Winnie says: ;)
Barbie says: then again, I used to think that maybe there was something to being high maintenance cuz Kate from John and Kate plus 8 used to be soooooo bitchy to her husband, but I was like, hey....it's workin' for them...
Barbie says: but look what happened there....ooops!
Winnie says: ya saw that one coming
Barbie says: then again, I would be bitchy too if I had 8 freaking children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Winnie says: I'd be more than just bitchy
Winnie says: lol
Barbie says: so...you think guys like demanding women...
Barbie says: I'm starting to think that you may be right, lol....
Winnie says: I’m always right
Winnie says: about what this time though?
Barbie says: about men liking demanding women.....sheesh....did you forget your Ritalin today?
Winnie says: what?
Barbie says: lol
Barbie says: stay with me here Winnie....
Winnie says: lots of men are lazy...they like it when someone tells them what to do, less thinking for them that way
Winnie says: that...or they are the COMPLETE opposite
Winnie says: they have to be the boss
Barbie says: hmmm.....I also think a lot of men like the "hunt" and they still feel like they haven't caught the girl if she is a little high maintenance...
Winnie says: funny enough, that's what makes them hunt in the first place...the "un-gettable"
Winnie says: I'm learning that just now, lol
Barbie says: maybe....but I know two things for sure....1- I don't want to be anybody's mother in a relationship and 2- I sure don't want anyone acting like my father, trying to tell me what to do 24/7 , giving me rules and orders
Barbie says: I think I'm all about the balance......a team
Barbie says: I know men and women are different (thank God) but why can't we be equals?
Barbie says: I think it is do-able.
Barbie says: I think what I mean is a balance of power in a relationship...
Winnie says: Im hoping for that one day...when things just fall into place. A relationship should never be one sided...and should not be too much work. I dont care what the experts say!
Barbie says: I agree. I mean, of course it is work, but not to the point that it rules your world and you constantly feel like you can't do anything right!
Winnie says: I'm thinking....
Barbie says: I know, I can smell the smoke....
Winnie says: Betty must be bad in bed...that's why Archie is picking Veronica!
Barbie says: hmmm.....I don't know....you would think that Betty would be very accommodating "how can I make you happy" whereas Veronica would be more "it's all about pleasing me"
Winnie says: maybe that's what it always comes down too...
Barbie says: hmmmm..........
Winnie says: maybe that's what Archie likes....
Barbie says: ah....so you are saying that Veronica is a dominatrix?
Winnie says: he doesn’t have to think...she tells him what to do..lol
Barbie says: that, I could see....lol
Winnie says: see.......I WAS right again
Barbie says: not exactly sure when you were right the first time, but ok, whatever you say there chuckles...
Winnie says: ha
Barbie says: so....Archie likes to be spanked....who knew?
Winnie says: Why do you think Jughead sticks around?
Barbie says: I think he has a wishful "bromance" going on with Archie.....classic latent homosexuality...
Winnie says: i see it!!
Barbie says: ....and his love for Archie is unrequited so he substitutes with food...
Winnie says: it's got Creepy Guy written all over it
Barbie says: AAHHHHHHHHH!!! BINGO!!!!
Barbie says: maybe we should become therapists???
Winnie says: well you can.....i'll just keep making fun of people
Barbie says: ...or that. lol

boys 'n bars

2009-05-27T13:17:00.003-04:00

Winnie: hey banana head!
Barbie: HEY!
Winnie: what's A-PEELing?
Winnie: hahaha, I kill myself
Barbie: BOOOO.......
Barbie: LOL
Winnie: I'm funnier
Barbie: lookin'
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Winnie: want to start a petition???? lol
Barbie: don't get into a verbal war with me sista cuz I will shred you to ribbons with my witty banter...lol
Winnie: you scare me
Winnie: NOT
Barbie: so......what's new and exciting?
Winnie: nothing...my life is dull as always ;)
Barbie: uh. ok. lol
Barbie: doodlebug's birthday is coming up and I am actually going out to a club this weekend....first time in like, way too many years to mention. I’m so not a club girl…lol
Barbie: ok, so the place we are going on Saturday night is an "adult" nightclub...no men under 28 allowed.....
Winnie: nicccccccccccccce
Winnie: I want to go with you ;(
Barbie: I certainly could not bring myself to go to a place where there could potentially be 22 year old gangsta wannabes bugging us all night.....that would be so tiresome...
Barbie: anyway, obviously I'm not going to pick anyone up, I just wanna dance with my gals!!
Winnie: don’t knock it till you've.......ah forget it! lol
Barbie: what? you wanna pick up 22 year olds? that's what you're saying?
Winnie: then what is the difference if the guys hitting on you are 22 or 32?
Barbie: frankly, I have so very little patience for little boys trying to be cool. ......
Winnie: I like the strong, mature, silent type
Barbie: you only like silent types so you can do most of the talking...lol
Winnie: or whatever...as long as he's over 30 lol
Winnie: of course....they all like the dirty talking anyways
Barbie: (sends winnie link to nightclub they are going to for doodlebug’s birthday)
Winnie: I WANT TO GO TOO
Barbie: you ARE a bar star, aren’t you? lol
Barbie: so anyway, I know it is the style for older women to go for younger guys but frankly I have no interest...
Winnie: I don’t see the point...too much work
Barbie: I never dated younger guys even when I was younger so I don't see the point now, lol
Winnie: lol, you sound like "Harry" in "Something’s gotta Give"
Barbie: which character is that?
Winnie: "What's the matter, I've been dating girls under 30 for the last 20 years"
Barbie: lol....
Winnie: the movie with Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson
Barbie: oh yeah....that was a good one!
Winnie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSjI-xiH7j0
Barbie: lots of good lines in that movie
Winnie: One of my fav movies
Barbie: I'm not AGAINST men dating much younger women...I get it, they are interested in the young bods and some men like being the "older, wiser" one in the relationship...but I just LOVE sitting back and watching the drama that they have to deal with...SO entertaining!
Winnie: ya cuz there is NO drama after 30!?????????
Barbie: I'm just sayin'....generally there is much less....
Barbie: not to sound overconfident, but I have to say I like myself much, much better at this age than I ever did...
Winnie: before 30 it’s about....ex girlfriends...ex best friends who slept with ex boyfriends...., suspicions, insecurities…blaablaa
Barbie: I know what I want and like now and don't have time for the drama of the rest...
Winnie: after 30 it’s about...ex husbands....ex mother in laws who you wish you could run over with a big yellow bus
Winnie: (kidding..to all those ex-mother in laws ) lol
Barbie: Let's just say that under 30 the drama rules your life but over 30 you have a better handle on the drama.
Winnie: I had no clue who I was before 30
Barbie: me neither....I actually am enjoying getting older...
Barbie: I'm much more confident and happier.
Winnie: right on sista...(HIGH 5)
Barbie: high five right back at ya girl, lol
Barbie: maybe you could say that now we don't NEED a man but rather enjoy the company of a man (if it is the right man)
Winnie: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I like that....I do
Winnie: does that include enjoying company in the hot tub?????
Winnie: haha
Barbie: wherever, lol
Winnie: ohhhhh yay!
Barbie: you sure do talk a good game winnie, lol
Winnie: ya i know
Barbie: you know what they say....the ones who talk about it the most....
Barbie: aren't getting it...lol
Winnie: I'll let you know what kinda games I played after Friday night
Winnie: ;)
Barbie: geez...(fingers in ears) too much information...la, la, la.....
Winnie: ....then don't eggggg me on
Winnie: ...if you can't handle it
Winnie: square banana head
Barbie: "square banana head" ? really? that's the best you can do? what are you in grade 2?
Winnie: that's all I got, my mind is preoccupied
Barbie: You say that like there is a time when it ISN’T preoccupied…LOL!
Winnie: What? I was daydreaming....

Bonus for close talkers such as creepy guy...

2009-05-26T12:52:00.000-04:00

http://www.nataliedee.com/032908/if-im-not-huggin-ya-dont-stand-close-enough-for-me-to-hug-ya.jpg

What's that?.....

2009-05-26T12:47:00.003-04:00

......You say that you think you have women all figured out? Just for that, we're giving you the silent treatment today.....and p.s.....ring, ring, ring, ring...banana phone!!

Bananas and Millionaires

2009-05-25T13:06:00.004-04:00

Winnie says: hey sexy mama
Barbie says: hey!!
Winnie says: so you've inspired me
Barbie says: how?
Winnie says: Public Relations it is !
Barbie says: good for you!
Winnie says: looks even better now than when i first looked at it and it sounds fun
Barbie says: I think it is right for your personality...
Winnie says: what's that? Loud and in your face??? lol
Barbie says: ok....I have had the "banana phone song" in my head and it is driving me crazy
Winnie says: the what?
Barbie says: banana phone song....by raffi....it is like a virus it get's into your head and disturbs you for weeks...
Winnie says: dont know it...is it something like "this is the song that doesn't end...and it goes on and on my friend..."
Barbie says: something like that, but more cunning.....it infiltrates your brain and the more you try to forget it, the more you sing it until, eventually, you are committed.
Winnie says: geeeeees..can’t wait to hear it!!!!
Barbie says: here's the straight up version....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5C6X9vOEkU&feature=related
Winnie says: ok ok enough...lol
Winnie says: i stoped it after the coooookooooo whatever
Barbie says: ....ring, ring, ring, ring....banana phone.
Barbie says: what are ya...chicken? Scared to listen to a lil' ol' kiddy song?
Barbie says: wuss
Winnie says: did my time my friend
Winnie says: "clean up, clean up..everybody everywhere!"
Winnie says: Barny is DEAD...ya hear me DEAD!!!!!!
Barbie says: ya....thank God for that!!
Winnie says: hey my kids didn’t turn out that bad....they still can’t clean their rooms though…hmmmmmmmmmm figure that one out
Winnie says: Im thinking of joining meetingmillionaires.com....what do you think????
Barbie says: ya, cuz you KNOW everyone on THERE is being truthful, lol
Winnie says: i may not have to go back to school...
Barbie says: what? you wanna be a trophy wife?
Winnie says: just for a few years
Winnie says: and take off with half
Barbie says: what is the saying...find a husband with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel? lol
Barbie says: banana?
Winnie says: not that desperate
Barbie says: ring, ring, ring, ring...banana phone....
Barbie says: DANG!!
Winnie says: lol
Winnie says: still would have to be 30 and hot
Winnie says: and as long as i can still get away with being a trophy wife, why not? lol
Barbie says: me thinks we only have a few trophy wife years left...lol
Winnie says: all the guys on the webpage are hot!! lol
Winnie says: my point exactly
Winnie says: think it’s really them ???
Barbie says: if they were all hot millionaires, why would they have to be on the internet??
Winnie says: pressure my dear.....could you imagine???? all the women would be only after their money...geeeesshhhh
Barbie says: yes, and advertising yourself on the internet as a hot millionaire would CERTAINLY only get you GENUINE interest in your personality....lol
Barbie says: Just go make your own millions...I'm gonna :)
Winnie says: well my interest would be genuine
Winnie says: LOL
Barbie says: yes, yes of course it would, lol
Winnie says: and I wouldn’t have to work for it LMAO !!!!!!
Winnie says: well maybe ;) (wink wink)
Barbie says: and you would be JUST as interested in a site called "poor jobless hot guys" right?
Winnie says: I looked...no one is hot there!
Barbie says: somehow they just aren't doing it for ya huh?
Barbie says: get into PR and you'll meet lots of upity men....
Winnie says: my plan my dear haha
Barbie says: I had the chance to go see David Suzuki tomorrow night and I turned it down.....
Winnie says: why? is Martha Stewart in town too?
Barbie says: my ex offered me the tickets and I didn't want to feel like I "owed" him anything....so sad, really, cuz I would have loved to see him...
Winnie says: well just give him the Martha Stewart tickets in return LOL
Barbie says: what? you think I'm a Martha Stewart fan? I cannot stand her...."ooo...look at me, I raise my own chickens and gather fresh eggs every morning for my fresh omelettes with my fresh herbs from the garden I started from seed and ploughed with my own cows".....show off.
Winnie says: well at least YOU don’t brag about it!!!!
Barbie says: ok, so I have a garden and I start things from seed but really, I hate cooking and I SURE am not as anal as Martha Stewart!!!!
Winnie says: if you say so :)
Barbie says: She individually wraps her shirts before she puts them away...come on, that is certifiable....
Winnie says: it works...try it, LOL
Barbie says: who is the anal one then?
Winnie says: well have to go to work , see ya later after your Herbalist meeting and yoga class!!!!! xo
Barbie says: ok....just one more thing...
Barbie says: ring, ring, ring, ring....BANANA PHONE!!!!
Barbie says: take that sucka...
Winnie says: nasty...ohhhhhhhh so nasty
Barbie says: (mumbling) call, ME a Martha Stewart fan...mumble, mumble....
Winnie says: if the apron fits........
Barbie says: ...you'll pay...oh yes....BANANA PHONE.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-Md5SE57wE

Sex and the Spelling

2009-05-22T10:10:00.001-04:00

Winnie says: hey babe
Barbie says: hello
Winnie says: how are you this Friday morning???
Barbie says: great! Sleep does wonders for my mental stability, lol
Winnie says: Maybe I should try that then
Barbie says: apparently I'm funny that way....I need a minimum of five hours a night (averaged out over a week)....I remember the days before kids when sometimes (yes, it isn't an urban legend) would get 8 HOURS....IN A ROW!!!!! Imagine.
Winnie says: I don’t get it...where would we find time to chat then?
Winnie says: between school, jobs, kids and hockey playoffs...there would be no time left
Barbie says: this was before technology....remember the good ol' days of the dial telephones and typewriters? lol
Barbie says: not to worry, I would tap out Morse code messages in my sleep....
Winnie says: hey I still use a typewriter at work
Winnie says: and a Dot Matrix printer
Winnie says: do you believe they still make ink for that thing
Barbie says: k, this is the second time you have told me something disturbing about your work....that and you don't have the internet??????? What the???
Winnie says: yup
Barbie says: Next you'll tell me you do photocopies on that weird smelling mimeograph thingie...
Winnie says: Old School baby!!!
Winnie says: No...we bought a NEW photocopier this year
Winnie says: it even "sorts" paper yipeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Barbie says: getting tired of hiring scribes? lol
Winnie says: it was more like...when we made a copy...the whole building would shake lol
Barbie says: do you at least get pens or are you still going with the ol' ink and feather?
Winnie says: I bring my own pens
Barbie says: you're killing me here.
Winnie says: thank god my son works at Staples...I get a discount
Barbie says: do you at least get paid in cash or does your boss pay you in livestock?
Winnie says: furs and jewellery
Barbie says: well those are timeless really, lol
Winnie says: thank god there are lots of pond shops around here
Winnie says: pawn shops lol
Barbie says: I'm thinking you mean pawn shops (unless you are installing some type of goldfish pond in your yard?)
Winnie says: I type faster than I can think lol
Barbie says: double lol!
Winnie says: would you love me any less if I could spell?
Barbie says: no. but I might understand you once in awhile, lol
Winnie says: hey..maybe that should be on my resume?
Barbie says: what? Can't spell and proud?
Winnie says: ya!
Barbie says: list it as a disability and say that if they take action you will seek legal representation...
Winnie says: ohhhhhhhhh so funny
Barbie says: say you have "genetic spelling disorder"....but you are currently under spell-check treatment.
Winnie says: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
Barbie says: of course, my spelling disorder isn't genetic but rather viral....I believe I may have caught it from you....
Barbie says: I used to be smarter.....I blame you.
Winnie says: sorry hun!
Winnie says: maybe you won’t be so square from now on
Barbie says: nope. That is unchangeable.
Winnie says: you'll see ;)
Barbie says: good luck with that, lol, you've been trying for decades and so far, no dice....
Winnie says: I NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
Barbie says: I'd say if we were Sex and the City Characters, You would definitely be Samantha.....no doubt. I am Carrie with a touch of Charlotte.
Winnie says: ouchy
Barbie says: what? you disagree?
Winnie says: I like shoes too much
Winnie says: I want to be Carrie
Barbie says: geez...
Winnie says: with a touch of Samantha
Barbie says: no...you are definitely not Carrie.....you are 100% Samantha.....Carrie is a WRITER for God's sake...you just admitted that you can't spell!
Winnie says: watevr
Barbie says: lol
Winnie says: but I’m the funnier one
Barbie says: I don't think that is true. I think you are just drunk all the time and THINK you are funnier....
Winnie says: boy...you are harsh today! Try getting some sleep will ya! May help with that attitude xo
Winnie says: and I’m not drunk ALL the time
Winnie says: just on Saturdays
Barbie says: lol
Barbie says: sorry if I'm being bitchy....maybe I have some unresolved anger issues...lol
Winnie says: really?????????????????? Who knew!
Barbie says: ahhh....exes......gotta love em....
Barbie says: ...actually, no. wait. You don't, that's the point isn't it?
Winnie says: took the words right out of my.....
Winnie says: watevr
Barbie says: LMAO!

Who's Square?

2009-05-21T17:20:00.003-04:00

Barbie says: whew…what a day!
Winnie says: uh oh just don’t kill me anytime soon ok???
Winnie says: there are still a Few I want to do....
Winnie says: wink wink!
Barbie says: a few what? Men? sheesh...
Winnie says: ya lol
Winnie says: was funny
Barbie says: you know....I try....lol
Winnie says: yaya...that's what I meant Instein
Winnie says: you may be funny...but you're slow
Barbie says: um. Hate to point this out, but ironically you spelled Einstein wrong...
Winnie says: LMAO!!!!!!!!
Barbie says: you were saying? lol
Winnie says: that was pure typo …
Winnie says: I swear
Barbie says: I'm sure. Of course. We'll go with that.
Winnie says: thanks
Barbie says: I'll cut you some slack...TODAY
Winnie says: geeeee how nice of you
Barbie says: I may be square (not a partygirl) but I'm also very nice.
Winnie says: is that what you call nice???
Barbie says: I'm fragile today....still making up sleep for last weekend. I was up waay past my bedtime.
Winnie says: not my fault
Winnie says: hmmm....not a partygirl eh?
Barbie says: um. ya. ok....you had NOTHING to do with it BAD INFLUENCE!
Winnie says: WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT????????
Barbie says: hmmm....I wonder?
Winnie says: I’m going to get a complex soon
Barbie says: you SHOULD have a complex...maybe it will make you behave a little
Winnie says: brb, phone
Winnie says: The Ex...looking for his son
Winnie says: lol good luck
Barbie says: hmmmm...teens are hard to track down
Winnie says: thank God I pay for his cell phone that is always dead
Barbie says: so, did you get to enjoy the weather today?
Winnie says: nope, wanted to run but too windy
Winnie says: and lazy... lol
Barbie says: too hot to run here today!!
Winnie says: it’s hot too...
Barbie says: but I spent a teensy bit of time outdoors....
Winnie says: but cuz I’m on the river, wind is bad
Barbie says: ah...
Winnie says: wish I had a laptop; I could be sitting on my deck... maybe I should buy myself one instead of buying one for my son's graduation
Winnie says: OUCH...did I just say out loud that I have a son that old LOL
Barbie says: I have one and I never use it mobile anyway...too hard to see the screen in the sun.
Barbie says: ha, ha....oopsie.....you let the cat out of the bag
Winnie says: suffer and sit in the shade
Winnie says: I have to make a call, will you be around for a few minutes ?
Barbie says: no....Princess has a play date.
Winnie says: ah ok
Barbie says: I've got to shove a few perogies down everyone's pie hole and be off...
Winnie says: lol ok, will chat later?
Barbie says: tomorrow....when I get back I have the exciting task of washing and clipping my dog.....PAR-TAY!
Winnie says: ahhhhhhhh huhhhhhhhhhh
Winnie says: great, I’ll be on tomorrow then
Barbie says: I'm thinking the groomer would be worth it but who has the time in the day to be carting a spoiled dog off to the hairstylist when I can barely get there myself?
Barbie says: ok, chat tomorrow... see ya sista!

A 3'some

2009-05-19T17:06:00.002-04:00

(hahaha..I knew it would make you look!)

Funnygirl: Hi Winnie, Did Barbie share any of the 'toys' that she got from the catalogue? She said she didn't get any, but I saw her MasterCard bill and..... let's just say she now needs a part time job - maybe she was shopping for birthday presents for her friends.....sorry Barbie, was that egging Winnie on again?
Great pics - looks like you ladies had a great weekend - looking forward to hearing more about it.

Barbie: well, we didn't name you "Funnygirl" for nothing....yep, great weekend...will be more on it on the blog. Not to worry Funnygirl, I picked up the "Bubba 3000" you asked me to get for you....you should be getting it in the mail shortly

Winnie: When's mine coming??????

Barbie: geez....

Funnygirl: Touché Barbie - I laughed when I read your "Bubba 3000" comment ... just wondering if it will be too big to fit into the mail slots.... and hopefully the package it comes in is discreet ;o)Did you ruin the surprise for Winnie's b-day present? By the sounds of it, you should give it to her as an early present ;o)

Barbie: I'm sure Winnie already has one

Winnie: I don’t...maybe I should get one though...It could maybe stop me from chasing after all the boys who pay any amount of attention to me

Back from the Holy Hole...

2009-05-19T13:13:00.002-04:00

Barbie: just sent you a message
Winnie: good or bad?
Barbie: just asking if we were going to chat today
Winnie: notice...good before bad...I am..the eternal optimist
Winnie: took a detour to BK...HMMMMMMMMMMM burger!!!!
Barbie: mmmm....burgers....my best cheat food.
Barbie: so today is the day you tell me what music you're into this week...
Winnie: Headly...Old School
Barbie: post the link...
Winnie: can I eat my burger first?
Barbie: no.
Winnie: Miss Bossy!!!
Barbie: Ya, ya...tell me something I don't know...
Barbie: I'm liking "Kings of Leon" ....anything by them really, but I'll go with "Use somebody"
Barbie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCZfJ5ai07U
Barbie: by the way, Phatboy sang this song really well on the weekend...
Winnie: ya I heard...he's pretty good for an old fart!
Barbie: lol, ya, and he killed that Journey song too...
Barbie: it was a great weekend! Thanks for all the fun Winnie....and I really liked meeting Keeya
Winnie: (Here’s my link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz3LLK_VIgo )
Winnie: good
Winnie: I’m happy you like her...lol I had no doubt
Winnie: how sweet...my two square friends finally meet!!!!
Barbie: lol.....it's not hard to be square compared to you wild woman!
Winnie: not nice...I was very good this weekend
Barbie: So I had my usual boohoo leaving the "Hole" yesterday...
Winnie: he's such a sap
Barbie: who's such a sap?
Winnie: Prince Charming
Barbie: HE didn't boo hoo....I did....I always do when I am driving away from my hometown....
Winnie: oh..........wuss!
Barbie: even though it is a hole, I still love it.
Winnie: I know the feeling...I went for a run along the river before I left...was great. I can’t wait to be able to do it more often
Barbie: It is the kind of place where there is an unusually high ratio of men without shirts, riding ten speed bikes with the handlebars turned up and a case of beer balancing on them.
Barbie: ....yet I still like it....strange....
Barbie: must be all the memories and old friends there.
Winnie: its' in our blood
Barbie: yep.
Winnie: even though...where I live now, It's the women riding around topless on their bikes...doesn't affect me the same way...wonder why that is?
Barbie: LOL!
Barbie: So, Prince Charming got up and made me my killer breakfast as promised (sweetheart)... Barbie: and I also got my Seguin Patate Poutine....
Winnie: the Hole DOES have FAB poutine
Barbie: so....could you believe when Rowdy tried to bite your boob....I have never actually seen you shocked by someone's behaviour before....It was refreshing!!
Winnie: ya..no kidding
Winnie: I was stunned...like, for real LOL
Winnie: Guess that was payback for me telling him to bite me!
Barbie: lol! he just took it literally!
Barbie: Bet you'll think twice before you tell another guy to bite you!
Winnie: YOU told him to bite me
Barbie: That's because you tried to bite Prince Charming's butt!!!! NOT cool!
Winnie: LOL ..oh ya ...
Winnie: so let's call it even
Barbie: deal.
Barbie: So what was up with that Random drunk guy sitting beside us?
Barbie: He was hilarious!
Barbie: Prince Charming said he is getting married in a few weeks....he looks 14!!
Winnie: ya... funny though...he pulled a Shyboy...
Winnie: as soon as Keeya started to talk back to him..he said " UHHHHHH...I’m getting married in two weeks!! lol
Barbie: ha, ha....little boys eh? they get so scared
Winnie: they should learn to stop flirting with older women then…
Winnie: so what is the rest of the gossip?
Barbie: hmmm....well, I learned on the weekend, if you have a massive muffin top....tattooing it doesn't make it disappear...lol
Winnie: hell...it doesn't even camouflage it…OR even make it look cool!
Barbie: You know how they have bouncers at the door...maybe they should have fashion police too...it would save everyone a lot of embarrassment
Barbie: Instead of metal detectors...they could have "douche bag" detectors...
Winnie: well it would definitely save ME from having to see that again
Barbie: "I'm sorry Sir...but you'll have to button up your shirt a little, remove your necklaces and turn your collar down"
Winnie: please..........................................!!!!!!!!!!!
Barbie: newsflash: If a woman doesn't like you, putting up your collar doesn't help!!!!!
Winnie: nor does bringing your girlfriend around...
Barbie: ha, ha
Winnie: ;)
Winnie: so...on Monday morning I had a friend request on FB....from Daddyohs best friend
Barbie: ....really? Must be checking you out to see if you are suitable for his buddy...
Winnie: think he's checking up on him??? Or his wife told him too? lol
Barbie: snicker.
Barbie: maybe he is reading the blog too...uh oh!
Winnie: hope not LOL
Winnie: he won’t let me go out with him again LOL
Barbie: note to Daddyoh's friend: "please let daddyoh have a playdate with my Winnie....I can't promise that she'll behave but it will be fun for him"
Barbie: maybe daddyoh can teach you to behave....Lord knows I have tried without success for a couple of decades...lol
Winnie: little do you know...He's the one you have to worry about !!!!
Barbie: Really? Daddyoh was always so appropriate around me...
Winnie: ya....I thought so too...but to my surprise...I'm finding out fast that men our age...well, they don't beat around the bush anymore ;)
Barbie: ...really.....note to daddyoh: "I am shocked!!"
Winnie: he he
Barbie: I think you are a filter Winnie....men behave very badly indeed around you and usually are on their best behaviour around me (must be the strict librarian vibes), so it is fun for me to watch the whole charade unravel....
Winnie: LOL...I doubt that very much
Barbie: what?
Winnie: that they behave that way just around me
Barbie: giggle...true that!

Spas and Martians

2009-05-15T10:30:00.000-04:00

Winnie: good morning
Barbie: morning!
Barbie: I'm sooo tired....
Winnie: did he call u last night?
Barbie: yep....3:30 drunk dial....which woke up my son who then came into my bed and played "kick mommy in the kidneys" all night....
Winnie: ohhhhhhhh. I warned him not to call lol
Barbie: did you see him last night?
Winnie: ya, he didnt tell you?
Barbie: it was a short call...lol
Winnie: on my way home from my "just a bite and a beer" not a "date" LOL, I stopped at the Hut to wish the Prince a Happy Bday
Barbie: ahhh.....was he hurtin"?
Winnie: by the time I left ..yes LOL
Winnie: the gang was there
Winnie: every one is afraid of us now...lol
Winnie: worried that they will end up the butt of our conversations the next day lol
Barbie: bahhh....we're kind....
Barbie: ...usually, lol
Winnie: that's what I told them...I can keep a secret
Winnie: ;)
Barbie: so....any juicy gossip from last night?
Winnie: Prince Charming was getting hit on.....
Winnie: by Creepy Guy
Barbie: again??? Poor prince charming....it must be hard to be so irresistible to everyone...lol
Winnie: he gets right "in your face" when he talks to you...yuckkkkkkk
Barbie: creepy guy can apparently get quite flirtatious when he has been drinking....no matter who you are or if you are a boy or girl...lol
Barbie: close talkers.....yikes....I used to work with one of those....finally I had to explain the concept of personal space to him....
Winnie: ya...stay the "*&^%" away!!!!!!!!!
Barbie: really though, I guess it depends who is invading your personal space...lol
Barbie: how is twin 2 doing?
Barbie: don't tell me HE has read the blog???
Winnie: I don’t think so, but he's heard LOL
Winnie: I promised my "date" that I would keep him anonymous...for now LOL, so they bugged me like crazy
Barbie: LOL....Only I know the truth....
Barbie: was it good to catch up, by the way?
Winnie: he was afraid it would be all over the world by now. LOL, not that he cares ...he thinks we're celebrities
Barbie: LOL!! Hardly...
Winnie: was great...time has been good to him. We had a blast, laughed alot

Barbie: “HE” was always a good guy....I would prefer to see you with him than some of the other dolly boys you have been handling...
Winnie: oh hush
Barbie: LOL!
Winnie: I’m having fun
Barbie: it's all good baby
Winnie: so tonight is the night???
Barbie: yep....can't wait.....too bad my hometown wasn't closer...even by just a bit....I'm not looking forward to the drive...ESPECIALLY BEING AS TIRED AS I AM!!! AHEM.....
Winnie: it will be worth it
Barbie: ya...it will be an awesome weekend!!
Winnie: can’t wait to see you too :)
Winnie: will you find time for me???? lol
Barbie: did you get out of work, by the way? (can't wait to see you too sista!)
Winnie: ya, I’m all yours
Barbie: LOL! Then we'll have a good ol' fashioned "getting ready" party at Prince Charming’s place after supper on Sunday...
Winnie: i'll come down tomorrow night...while PC is working, you and I will hit the town
Barbie: OMG....I am out of it....I had my headphones on and I forgot that they were on and a song started playing (delayed play setting) and I just about had a coronary....today will be an interesting day....
Winnie: you must look like a Martian....
Winnie: a cute one though
Barbie: yes....cute Martian.....a planet would like to be invaded by moi....lol
Winnie: scary....
Barbie: LOL!!!
Winnie: imagine....a world of herbs and magic powders???????
Barbie: my planet would be a world of natural healing and ironically lots of candy...lol
Winnie: negative calories lol
Barbie: I like it!
Winnie: and no creepy guys
Barbie: lots of libraries....which are fully stocked with junk magazines....lots of free spas....
Winnie: well...one or two creepy guys. We do need someone to make fun of
Barbie: ha, ha....
Barbie: how would we know who the good guys were if there were no creepy guys to compare them to?
Winnie: no creepy guys working the spa though....hmmmmm
Barbie: definitely not.....actually, no guys at the spa....I have to say, that although I am all equal rights, I cannot relax while having a massage from a male massage therapist.....it is distracting....
Barbie: I also do not enjoy massage therapists who talk to you...
Winnie: speak for yourself hunny
Barbie: quelle surprise...lol
Winnie: yup yup yup...Im all about equal rights too.....my right to get seduced
Barbie: nobody is trying to deny you that right dear....
Winnie: you have my back? and I have yours???? Lol
Barbie: deal!! Wondertwins powers activate....form of a tiger, shape of an ice queen!!
Winnie: are you calling me an ice queen??
Barbie: yes, Winnie, of the two of use, YOU are definitely the ice queen, lol
Winnie: ohhhhhhhhhh how nice of you to notice !!! lol
Winnie: so I guess this will be it until next week...when we return with a shit load of fun !!! lol
Barbie: Oh, I'm sure there will be lots to tell.....stay tuned and have a safe and happy long weekend!!
Winnie: see ya babe... and please drive safe
Barbie: I'll try...I think I will have a coffee (yes, me, a coffee) before I hit the road.3
Winnie: try caffeine....may work :)
Winnie: lol...see how we think alike
Barbie: demented minds think alike!
Winnie: you got it

Quotes from Winnie and Barbie

2009-05-14T13:03:00.000-04:00

"You can either COOK GOOD or LOOK GOOD but you can't do both, so baby, take me out for dinner"